I’m getting tired of asking why because now I know why…but I haven’t truly accepted it yet.

I need to accept it or I won’t make it…how do I accepted it in order to make?

How do I make it?

I know all this answer yet it’s just so……..hard.

Then I think to myself...Who said it was going to be easy? Who said it was going to end so?

It was hard for him but he did it.

Didn’t he? He made it and he left you all the instruction so you too can make it…

So why aren’t you following it? Is there a reason?

I want to rid myself of this humanity…I’m so human that it kills me inside.

It makes me so angry to realize I’m not any different…that I could have fallen.

When I thought it wasn’t possible.

That I have everything I needed in order to make sure I never fall..And if I did…I should have a back up.

It hurts to realize I don’t…it hurts just to think about it…it hurts so much I don’t even want to think about it.

I keep praying that he will open my eyes and he does.

What do I do? Where did I find myself?

I did nothing…I found myself human…more human then I could ever imagine.

More lost then I’ve ever been…more afraid and insecure then I’ve ever been.

It’s a test I feel it...I know it.

I want to pass it…I need to pass it.

I need to will myself.

Yet I seat just like a human with all my sins in a bowl.

Unable to empty it out.

Sitting there looking like an idiot.

As if waiting for it to be done for me.

I want to scream to her and say.."hey you you need to do it yourself because no one is going to do it for you…do you realize that?"

Scream

Fight

Change

Stand up

Never give up..

Please never give up...