"If you are taking the time to read this, then you are blissfully unaware of what is creeping up behind you.
It's me. You left your window open, so I hid under the bed until you were alone.
Please don't scream, I only want to hold you.
I only want to kill you.
That's not a problem, right?"
Welcome, little nightlings! Don't worry, I promise to lock up my critters so long as you all behave.
I am Criminal, and I am happily married to my Policeman.
Er, I think that's it that you all need to know. Additional information will require talking to me personally, preferably with a goat handy.
Don't ask what the goat's for.
Enjoy yourselves, and happy readings my little nightlings!