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English GCSE Draft- Toy shop Description

Essay By: Phameno
Action and adventure



For GCSE, I have to write a piece of Descriptive writing about a Toy Shop; This will be a rough draft. Feel free to comment on how I can improve. (My Exam will be about 2 days after This is published so- HURRY WITH THE COMMENTS) In the Exam, I'm not aloud to use any notes, my book, a thesaurus or a dictionary. I have to remember everything, and I think this is a pretty good start.


Submitted:Sep 23, 2012    Reads: 4,425    Comments: 2    Likes: 1   


Engulfed and Invisible beyond swathes of deep black smoke, and by the steady trundle of Carriages across rickety cobblestones, an antique of a building; humble and small, slept near the corner of the street. A stout, cobbled chimney puffed with warm smoke.

Sizzling through the window panes was a warm, happy glow. Inside, a few, regular customers scoured the shelves, their faces hidden beneath bowler hats and wire rimmed glasses. Lining the shelves was a small army of wooden toys: Nutcrackers, emblazoned with intricate designs; dark oak ballerinas,and music boxes; amongst a number of heirlooms and antiques, placed behind dusty glass cages.

Behind the checkout, a small man, hunched back, with a long grey mane of hair, napped on a wooden chair. Comforted by the fact that his shop was warm with customers. Each toy cast a long, clouded shadow up the wall. An army of black shapes, overcome by the warmth of numerous long candles.





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