"What are you thinking, Sean?" Sam asks loudly, bringing me out of my memories.
"What? Nothing." I answer stupidly. She laughs. "What is so funny?" I ask sternly.
"I just think that the relationship that you two had was so cute."
"Cute? What do you mean cute?"
"She asked if you would marry her when you were little kids. And you said yes," Sam explains. "You've been with her all this time. It's hard to imagine seeing you without her for too long."
Crimson talked to Sam about this a long time ago. When they first became friends, Crimson brought her over and they locked me out of her room to talk. To this day no one knows about us wanting to get married besides from Crimson, Sam, Mrs. Lane, Kat, Natalia, Higgs, and me. I haven't even told Marc about it.
"It's not like I had a choice," I lie.
"Sure you didn't," she agrees sarcastically.
I sigh. "I'm glad you were able to become Crimson's friend. I can't believe she's really gone."
"She isn't." Sam whispers, facing the floor. I look at her strangely for a few seconds before she looks at me with a forced smile and says, "She'll be watching over us no matter what."
"Yeah, I guess," I say, thinking, She has always been pretty spiritual.
Something doesn't feel right though. It's like something is missing. I feel the urge to look at Crimson's body again but I don't even stand. I simply think.
What were you thinking, Crimson? Why were you at a place where you could get shot? Why wasn't I there?
I remember when Higgs came to my house while my mother and I were getting some of the Thanksgiving dinner ready. We were going to bring it to a party at Crimson's house though she wouldn't have been there. She was playing piano at a concert in Florida.
"I have some extremely bad news, dear boy," he said.
"What happened, Higgs?" I asked.
"It's about," he paused with a sigh, "Crimson."
"Wha - what happened?"
"There is no easy way to tell you this. I know you loved her dearly, Sean."
"What the hell do you mean loved?" I asked loudly. I should have been scared to speak that way in front of my mother but I couldn't exactly think straight at the time.
My mother touched my shoulder. I felt the genuine concern in my mother's touch. It calmed me, but it didn't change the amount of apprehension that was welling up inside of me. "What happened to Crimson?" I asked more calmly.
"It pains me to say that," he paused to take in a small breath, "Crimson has passed away."
I heard my mother's gasp from behind me. I grabbed Higgs' shoulders. My grip tightened with each passing second as I looked into his sad eyes. "What did you say?"
"I am sorry, Sean. Crimson has died."
"How could she die? You are always there to protect her! Where were you when she died, Higgs?" I yelled angrily. I didn't think know what to do. I wanted to ask if he was joking but I saw the look in his eyes. He wouldn't joke about something like that. The realization of that fact was like getting hit in the chest by a bulldozer. I didn't want to believe that after all of the time I've spent with her, Crimson was no longer living.
"I was not with her when she passed away. Or rather I should say, was killed." Higgs explained.
"Who did it? Tell me who did it?"
"I cannot tell you that, Sean." He said simply.
"So you know?"
"Then tell me, now!!!"
"You cannot know who it was, Sean."
I let go of Higgs. I backed up until I hit a wall. My legs went numb and gave out. My back slid down the wall. I didn't hear anything after that. I only saw the floor. My mouth tasted like metal. I couldn't smell the roasting turkey. My hands felt as cold as the bottom of the ocean. When I came to my senses I was in my bed with my hand squeezing a small red sticky note. There were some words scrawled on the paper in black marker. It said:
What will you do now? Think long and hard? Whatever you do, I will always love you even if I don't know you.
I read the words carefully about twenty times. It was definitely her hand writing but I didn't know if there was supposed to be some type of hidden meaning. My eyes began watering. "…don't know you." What does that mean Crimson? What can I do when you're dead? The tears came down as I cried silently.
"Mom!" I ran down the narrow stairs of my house frantically waving the red sticky note. "What is this?" I asked her.
She was sitting at the kitchen table with her food untouched. We obviously weren't going anywhere. I doubted I was the first one to here of Crimson's death and I knew the party was going to be called off.
"Sean, sit down and eat."
"Bu - I mean yes mom." She was still able to be a strict mother in this situation though I could tell that she cried. I saw the puffiness that formed around her eye lids whenever she did.
"That note was written by Crimson. I believe that she must have written it before she was killed," Mom explained, "What will you do, Sean?"
"I don't know, Mom. What can I do?"
"Go to her wake. Maybe her spirit will give you a clue."
I was shocked. My mother never got spiritual. Not since my father's death. "Okay, when is it?" I asked.
"In two days. Wear something nice."
"Alright, I will. Are you going?"
"No, Sean. I love her dearly, but I have a lot of work to do."
"I understand, Mom." I finished my food and washed my plate and fork.
"Did Higgs say anything else?" I asked before going to my room.
"Not much; only that you need to be there and that Crimson trusts you."