The Chosen Pilgrim

Chapter two: Death
Lamar
wanted to train but he didn’t have enough money to train as he was poor so he asked for a master in fighting to help him for free, the people told him that there is a master who is very generous and wise living beyond the great river of Zwella, Lamar thought: the journey wont start till a month so I better hurry.
Lamar
went north through the northern gate of Palesia towards the river of Zwella on his way he saw soldiers from Europe attacking a village called Dorween, as he was entering the village the captain of the soldiers asked him: who are you? and who do you think you are entering this village in this time? He answered I am Lamar, the captain laughed and so did the soldiers, the captain said Lamar huh, good joke boy but if you don’t till me your real name I will have to kill you and feed you to the ducks, Lamar said I am not joking my name is Lamar and I am from Palesia, the captain said: ok Lamar” prepare for DEATH, when the captain said that Lamar was filled with rage his body began heating his eyes were turned into red he felt that his strength had tripled, he kept his fist tightly closed, he launched both fists and kicks in a huge speed knocking down every one he hits until there was no one to hit, the captain was shocked, he ran into the forest and never came out, mean while Lamar returned to normal, he said how on earth did that happen?, all of the villagers were happy and surprised, they treated him with lots of money and he took the loot and weapons from the dead soldiers, they asked Lamar where was he heading to? He told them to the master of the content, one of them said: Master Buran? ; Lamar said I don’t know what his name is but I do know that he lives beyond this river, the man said then I shall accompany you, it’s an honor to be with a brave man like you, alright then I could use an extra hand but if you want to come then I should know what your name is, the man said: Fieral Jovan Darween but you can call me Fieral, sure said Lamar we should leave at once quiet a trip awaits us.

Comments:

ThoughtlessClouds

Nice introduction to the journey :)
Again adding to my previous on the last chapter, really should work on the sentence lengths and over-use of commas. There seems to be basically no full stops or capitals, so it makes it harder for the audience to read. Try connectives more :)

Let me know when you post the next chapter though because the story is well worth reading in my opinion :)

Alex

Posted: Jul 20, 2008

Author Comment:

I will try to take your advice and thanks

BloodyBlade

oooooh! i can't wait for more. it's great and exciting. write more please!

Posted: Jul 20, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks,l will publish the third and forth chapters today

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Novel By: Shadowstep
Action and Adventure

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