Mara was a pretty normal person. In her early twenties, worked in an office, frequently went out with friends.
A few years ago, her brother Toby had died of cancer. Mara still mourned for him.
She was just on another visit to his grave, kneeling before it. “I miss you.”
Then, she thought she heard a reply, “I miss you too.”
She dismissed this as tiredness, but then a figure appeared in front of her. His flesh was rotting, and all sorts of colours. He also had green eyes. Despite these deformities, he bore a strange resemblance to Mara’s brother. Mara gasped with realisation.
She knew, although it seemed absurd, that she was looking at the zombie of her brother.
“I have important things to tell you!” said the zombie.
“What, that you're aliv- well… you know what I mean.”
“Yes, that too. But I have dark evil doom for all mankind news too. As you can see, I am a zombie.”
“Well, I didn’t just pop out of my grave. I was brought back to life by an evil dark wizard type. I managed to break free of his evil hold, but he plans to make an evil army zombies to, you know, take over the world or something.”
“Well that’ll ruin my Crimbo party…”
Then a zombie jumped out at Mara. He pressed Mara hard against her brother’s grave. He could read the inscription clearly: Toby Smith, Died, 3rd March 2007
“Brains…” droned the zombie.
Mara tried to push him (her? It, maybe?? :-/) off but it was impossible. Then Toby came to the rescue, digging his nails into the attacker.
They both got up, and Toby punched him sharply in the shoulder. Mara stifled a giggle as his attacker’s arm fell off. He then ripped his head off and stamped on it.
“That’s the only way to exorcise a zombie,” said Toby, “destroy the head.”
Mara nodded. “What now?”
“Call all your friends. Tell them to meet you outside the pub. I’m sure they’ll believe you if they see a zombie.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, we need to build up our army of zombie slayers, don’t we?”
“OK,” replied Mara, taking out her mobile phone, telling as many friends as she could to meet her outside the pub at ten.
10.00pm. Or 10.01pm. Or 9:59pm. Does it matter? No, well I’ll just get on with it then.
Mara had built up a small zombie slaying army of twenty-something twenty-somethings. She had told them, they believed because of Toby, you know, being a zombie.
When she told them, the rather wussy Ben had recoiled in fear, saying, “He’s a zombie! He’ll eat our brains!”
Toby’s reply was, “No the brain is overrated I prefer the heart.”
So, now, everyone knew. Toby had somehow gotten his hands on a bunch of shotguns (I know it’s easy in America but this is BRITISH!! Waving the Union Flag!! And yes, that is a plot hole that I can’t be bothered explaining).
Mara decided to talk (read: character building scene) with three of her oldest friends, Jane, David and Amy.
“We always wanted something interesting to happen to us when we were younger, didn’t we? We were bored as hell,” said Jane.
“Yeah, the four of us,” said David.
“And Toby,” replied Mara.
“Yeah,” said Amy, laughing, “But I doubt he wanted to be a zombie.”
“Sure didn’t,” joked Mara. “Toby, where are these zombies coming out?”
“Graveyard,” replied Toby.
“Why is always the graveyard?” asked Mara.
“Well,” answered Toby, “It’s really convenient. They don’t need to move at all, it’d take them an age to reach the town, the speed they move at.”
“Ah, I see,” said Mara.
And with that they set of to the graveyard.
At the graveyard, there were, in fact, zombies. Lots. Very lots. Enough to justify bad grammar. Yes, that many. All they zombies, up against twenty-something twenty-somethings with shotguns and a good zombie. Oh yeah, and the zombies had a dark wizard hellbent on world domination on their side. Things were looking up for the zombie slayers.
The zombies were advancing slowly. Very slowly. Very, very, VERY slowly.
Mara shot a bullet and killed some random zombie, hitting him in the head.
“Headshot!” joked Mara.
Amy smiled and jumped forward. “Come on, you undead assholes!”
Mara, Jane and David followed, eager to see more action.
Mara jumped after Amy, then regained her balance, then stood up and started shooting zombies once again.
He saw Toby squashing zombie heads, and exorcising them.
Everyone was shooting and killing a lot of zombies. Their number was dropping. Things were beginning to look up.
But then a black clad figure, presumably the dark wizard, appeared , and more zombies seemed to rise from the grave.
“Shit!” shouted Jane.
“What now?” asked David.
“There is only one thing we can do,” said Amy.
“Yes,” Mara replied, “we need to kill the dark wizard. Let’s ask Toby first though. Get his opinion on it.”
It took a while to find him, because he looked the same as other zombies, but they got there.
“Toby!” shouted Mara.
“Oh, hello, Mara!”
“Toby, how do we kill the dark wizard?”
“Ah, I see. That is the only way. You must defeat him in a duel. That is the only way. He can’t be killed in any other way. If you win, you will banish him to Hell. If you lose, well, then we’re screwed.”
“No pressure then.”
“So are we doing this?” asked Jane.
“Me, you, David and Amy will go after him, leave the rest here to fend of zombies. I’ll duel him first. If I… lose, the rest of you need to take him on, as well.”
They found the dark wizard easily. He was standing behind all the zombies.
He was clad in black from head to toe; even his face was covered by a black veil.
“Hello, sister of the traitor,” he said in an evil voice.
“I challenge you – thee – thou – whatever the hell you say, to a duel to the death.”
“Ooo, we’ve worked out where the zombies are coming from, have we?” mocked the dark wizard.
“Enough with the build up lets just get this over and done with.”
“I accept,” said the dark wizard, and materialised a sword in his hand and in Mara’s with his dark powers.
Mara attacked the dark wizard, but he effortlessly blocked.
At that point, Amy tried to shoot him. The bullet hit, sticking in his flesh. Then he simply absorbed it.
“Foolish human!” he shouted, and a large claw appeared in place of his hand. He attacked Amy, who fell back and lay on the ground, bleeding.At once Mara knew she was dead.
“You bastard! You killed her! Amy!!” screamed Mara. “Stupid bitch…” she murmured tearfully. “Had to go – sacrificing herself – for her friends…”
The dark wizard simply laughed.
Mara thrust forward, consumed by rage and sadness. Their blades met. Mara pushed , knocking the dark wizard over. His veil fell off, revealing a deathly pale face with greasy hair. She saw defeat in his eyes. So she ended it by plunging the sword into him. The sword immediately disappeared; the wizard who created it was gone.
“Thank God,” said Mara, “Now its over, we can all get on with our lives.”
“Not quite,” said a newly appeared Toby, “you absorbed his powers when you killed him.”
“Wait, does that mean I’m evi-”
“No, sister. It is the person who makes the evil, not the powers. You aren’t anymore evil than you were before.”
“What does this mean?”
“Well, all the other supernatural creatures will pick up on this, they’ll expect you to attend their councils, go on magic-related missions and stuff. But you’ll still be able to live a human life.”
Mara raised an eyebrow. Life was going to be a lot more interesting, now.