Mr. Potato Heads
A short story by Waylon Moosberger
Today, I, Waylon Moosberger, was getting in the bathtub. Seems like a normal thing, right? WRONG. When I got into the bathroom, the first thing I saw was this weird mannequin potato head doll. Of course, I didn't realize it was a mannequin at first, but upon closer inspection, I realized it was a mannequin. The bathroom was completely white, and had no windows, So, I just had a bath like normal. BUT, when I got into the tub, I realized their was no curtain. I thought nothing of it. But, once I got out of the tub, I swore I heard the mannequin fart. After a couple of seconds of shock, I just figured it was me. SO, I just went out of the bathroom like normal, like nothing happened, like it was just a typical day.
OR WAS IT?!
No, no it WASN'T a typical day. Or, at least, not for Me. Because, something Horrible Happened that day. Read on to find out.............
Ha. I scared you. So, on with the story.
After getting out of the bathroom, I went out on to the living room, which is really just the living room in a life-size Barbie doll house. I asked the other potato heads if they saw a weird mannequin guy in the bathroom. They all said yes, well, execept for Sean, who was super ugly anyway. Then Jeffery. stood up, and said, “Hey, on a different subject, have you seen Will anywhere?”
“Nope. But I did see a giant ninja unicorn about to take over the world.” Interrupted Sean.
“Hey, hey Sean. Can you do me a favor?” Asked Fernando sarcastically, who was almost asleep on the couch.
“Alright. Get out of the house, and go into the kitchen. Do you see that giant stove? Just jump in it, okay?”
“Okay, I will. But, darers go first.”
“....Fine. But you have to do it before me.”
“Sure! I always keep my promises.”
And with that, Fernando jumped up off the sofa, with Sean following in his wake.
“Are they going to die?” Asked Amber, who was a midget, even for a toddler.
“Why don't you go in with them and make sure,” said Will, who was just walking into the room.
And with that, Amber trudged out of the house.
“Hey, Will. I was wondering where you were.”
“I was at a dancce club, but I, um, passed out I had to leave.” said Will, somewhat hesitantly.
Are you okay? Why didn't you come home after you woke up?” I pointed out.
“I, um, got mugged.”
“How did you get mugged? You didn't bring anything with you.”
“Um, er. Uhn....Eh.... They stole my shoes.” Will stuttered hesitantly.
“You're wearing shoes. Are you lying to me?” I detected.
“NO! I DID NOT BECOME A CREEPY WEIRDO AND WATCH WAYLON TAKE A BATH!” Will yelled hysterically.
“Okay, I believe you.” I admitted. Will just wasn't that kind of person who would watch another person take a bath.
“FINALLY! Now, If you excuse me, I'm going to watch a four year old take a bubble bath.”
“WAIT! I MEAN CHECK A FOUR YEAR BOLT TAKE A SWASH!”
“That doesn't make any sense.”
“Your mom doesn't make any sense. I'm leaving.” And with that, Will stomped outside.
“Hello, peoples, did I miss anything?” Fernando said as he swagged back inside. “Will looked pretty angry. What happened?”
“Hey, hey Fernando,” I said.
“Your face reminds me of somebody,” I said.
And then, all of a sudden, Darren came and bit Fernando on the neck. Fernando fainted, and then Darren dragged Fernando into the bathroom, where Fernando got beat up for fifteen hours STRAIGHT!
Darren has rabies, so that's why he attacked Fernando. Normal people would help, but let's face it: We're not normal. The only reason we bothered to help him was because they were making a lot of noise. I called Charlie, a Rabies expert, who deals with this sort of thing. Once Charlie safely had Darren in a cage, Fernando commited suicide, by jumping in the stove with Amber and Sean, because he was too traumatized. Charlie also jumped in the stove, because he saw some things he would rather forget.
“Hello, mates!” Said Will coming out of the bathroom, closely followed by Kaitlin, who was trembling in fear.
I wasn't thinking at that moment, so I just assumed she was scared over Amber's death. I went over to her, to comfort her, but instead, she told me six horrifying words: “Will saw me take a bath.”
“WHAT?!” I said as loudly as I could while still whispering.
“I-I-I didn't know. He's the mannequin, Waylon! Wh- What should we do?”
I didn't respond. I went around and told everyone the terrifying story.
Clayton got up and wrapped Will around in his belt. (Thank God he's fat.)
“What the heck is this for?! Let me out!”
Fernando came in and punched him.
“Stop it Fernando, let me talk to him.” I said quietly. “We know you've been watching everyone here take a bath.
The way you did it, was you changed your face, acted like mannequin, and stared at everyone take their baths. Creeper.”
“WHAT?!?!?!!” Said Katherine, who was walking in. ]
“No, I didn't watch you, you were too ugly.” Said Will.
“WHAT?! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND FOR YEARS! YEARS! NOW YOU SAY I'M UGLY?!?!?!”
Katherine began crying hysterically.
“I JUST WANT TO DIE!” Katherine screamed dramatically.
“Out of the house, down the hall and to the right, then take a left, and jump in.” Clayton implied helpfully.
“Where does that lead to?” Katherine sobbed.
“You'll know what to do when you get there.”
“Okay. Down the hall, to the right...” Katherine mumbled as she opened the front door.
We would've forgotten about Will if he hadn't yelled. “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”
“Oh, and you. You're going to prison! YOU CAN'T LOOK AT RANDOM PEOPLE IN THE BATH TUB!”
“And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids,” Will complained.
“Whatever. Who else did you watch? Sean?”
“NO! Of course I didn't watch Sean. He's WAAAAYYY uglier than Katherine. He's-” Will stopped midsentence.
“Go on.” I said.
“Th-th, the c-closet. It's trembling.”
As soon as I saw that closet, I screamed.
Everybody in the whole entire house went up the bedroom upstairs. That means, me, Jeffery, Kaitlin, and Clayton.
“What the heck? Why are we up here?” Said Jeffery, scared out of his wits.
I locked the door as soon as I got up there. “Kaitlin,” I commanded, “Hide in the closet, and no matter what you hear or what you see, DON'T come out. Do you understand?”
Usually Kaitlin likes to put up a fit, but this time she complied. “Yes, Waylon,” she said.
“What's going to happen now? Why the heck was the closet door moving?” Said Clayton.
I didn't answer. I already knew what was going to happen. “Wait a moment....” I said expectantly.
“Wait a moment....”
The horrifyed screams and yells of Will was terrifying.
“What happened?! What's down there?” asked Jeffery.
“Darren,” I said. “By the sound of it, he's beating Will to the ground.” I explained.
The screaming and crying went on for hours. Thank God earplugs were invented.
For celebration, we had pie. In fact, we had Sean-Amber-Fernando-Charlie-Darren-Will-Katherine Pumpkin Pie.
Okay, normal people wouldn't eat their best friends like that, but let's face it: We're not normal.
(Copyright goes to Waylon Moosberger, BEEYOTCH! This has been a Bob stole your lollipop Production.)