The narrator is heartbroken because of their love. The narrator want to change their action so that person won't be childish for the person who the narrator loves. The narrator love this person and doesn't want to leave that person. The narrator also doesn't want to have the person.
This is kind of a letter to my mom. These are things I needed to tell her. She will never see it though, because I don't want to hurt her. And I love her very much. So, this is my way of getting the things out of my system.
Talk about the narrator love this person,however, the narrator is older by one year.It talks about the person's characteristics,like the eyes,smile and the narrator's heart keeps beating in fast pace with person. But the narrator see this person rarely in school.