My name is Anthony and I am in 3rd grade. Today I would like to tell you about a very serious problem.
In Kindergartens all across the world, children have been ravished by a deadly disease. A disease mommy and daddy won’t admit is there. So it is up to us boys to stop the spread of this fatal disease. This disease called Cooties.
Do girls have cooties?
Yes, absolutely. This condition is extremely contagious. Fortunately, there are precautions that can be taken. Thankfully, a vaccination has been developed. It is called a cootie shot. They are available at school playgrounds nationwide. The administrator of this shot must be under 12 years of age and hold a current circle circle dot dot certification card. Be sure to avoid any contact with girls until you have been vaccinated.
Who would want to be with girls any way! They’re icky!
And you know what they say?
Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider! Boys go to mars to get more candy bars!
Throughout my experience so far at Kindergarten I have compiled a list of reasons why boys should stay away from cootie ridden girls
Reason number 1: They like to play with stupid dolls! Who in their right mind would want to play with girls… especially if they are small and made out of plastic!
Reason number 2: They wear stupid dresses! Who would want their legs exposed to evil bullies!
Reason number 3: They love the color pink! There is nothing on this planet that is awesome and pink at the same time! Sharks aren’t pink. Lions aren’t pink. Mud isn’t pink. And the teenage mutant ninja turtles were definitely not pink!
Last but not least… Girls have cooties! This past year alone I have lost many friends, including my best friend Joey to this horrible epidemic.
Why Why Why! Why can’t my life be free of girls! Except my mommmy… Wait shes a girl right?
At least I have the sense to stay away from girls. My stupid brother made the stupid decision to have a stupid girl friend! I didn’t even know you could use those two words in the same sentence. All they do all day is eat each other’s faces. And its gross!!!
My brother doesn’t even care that he has the cooties! Red dots have been growing on his face ever since he has come in contact with that stupid girl.
Sadly I am the only boy left in my class who hasn’t been infected by cooties. I cannot say the same for the rest of my desk buddies. I even heard that Bobby has a crush on Becky. What is a crush anyways! Does it have to do with a girl running over you thus crushing every bone in your body! Because that sounds like something a girl would do! At least that’s how I feel whenever I’m with Melissa my art buddy, who is definitely not my friend. I repeat she is not my friend. Melissa makes me feel horrible! I call her names and giver her things like worms and bugs but she never seems to get a clue? Oh no! What if I have cooties too!