Religion is where we find ourselves, it is where we look deep within and determine if we are truly good. I so wish I could be the man everyone wants me to be. I so wish I could be pure and without sin, but life is never that simple. I am just another imperfect impure soul. I cannot resist the urge within me. God has left my heart and I fear he will not return.
She is everything that I fear, everything that I shy away from. Lust is a quality every man has within him; I try to suppress that yearning. It is not my fault that I have become enslaved to my primitive urges that I cannot escape. Everything that I am, everything that hope to be, is crushed by this forbidden desire that lurks within my inner most thoughts. She is so very young, and I am so very old. She is God’s gift to man and a gift to all who lay eyes upon her lovely lips.
I am not ashamed when I say that I want her or that I need her for my own. I cannot control myself. She loves me. She loves me and I love her, but I am just a priest who has promised himself to God. I cannot be with her; I can never be beside her, for as along as long as the church stands I must depart from her. Never must I stray from the path of my almighty Lord. He is my lover, not her.
She is like beauty itself. She is delicate, radiant, and desirable. She is wanted by all men, me most of all. To be with her is to sin, and sin I must. She waits for me by the river bank, she waits for me to come and collect her. We fell for one another at first glance. I was amazed that she could find me appealing. I was nothing but, a simple, aged, priest with no home and no family. She became my family, became all that I ever wanted.
And now I am past the point of no return. Now I am to meet her, take her, and run away with her. She is also lovely. Her body is all so tender, and young, her skin ripe, and smooth. As I walk upon the bridge I see her standing there, my love, my sin, my salvation. She seems some what nervous as I approach her in the twilight of the sky. She seems troubled, as I am troubled.
I take her hand, and gently squeeze it. She is so very lovely, if only God could be the same. I see sadness in her heart; more than I could ever bear. What could be the matter? Why is my love so upset?
“You seem troubled today, my love. What is the matter?” I asked, in a kind and gentle tone.
“Do you truly wish to leave the church for me? Do you truly wish to give up everything you have been taught for me? I don’t see how you could. I am just a poor maid. God should be loved far more then I. I don’t want to sin my love. I do sin by taking you away from your faith.”
“God shall always be in my heart, but I will stray from him to have you. You are something real. I can touch you, I can kiss you and I can speak with you. You are God to me, my love, and that is all I need to know.”
She seemed so uncertain when receiving my words. My love had always been a devote follower of the faith. She came to me months ago, seeking forgiveness. I forgave in everyway a man could. I forgave her heart, mind, and body. My love wanted so badly to be with me, I could see it in her eyes, but I could also see another longing, one that did not look promising.
“I could never be God to you, or an angel. I feel like a whore just for coming here and standing before you. I feel like a worthless, peace of meat. At least that’s what my Father said when he found out about us.” She began to weep heavily.
Oh what was I to do? How could I convince my love that she is more then what she believes? How could I truly make her mine?
“Your Father has no bearing on our relationship. You are far more than you realize, my sweet. You are the sunlight that shines down upon me. You are the beating of my very soul. You are the salvation of my heart, and that is the truth. Before I knew you, I was just a poor priest with no one to love. You came into my life and took away the pain and for that I am most grateful. So come with me now darling. Come with me and we shall explore new horizons.” The passion in my words did not seem to have any effect on the emotional state of my love. She was still troubled, still saddened and still unsettled.
“I wish we could, Oh God I wish we could, but I must face the truth. I am a sinner and for that I must pay. I am must except my failures. You my love, should do the same, or be cursed for all time.” With that she began to walk away from me. My love has chosen God over the man who loves her. She has chosen to remain and be with him, but I cannot help myself, I must be with her in one peace! Suddenly and without thinking, I grab her by the arm and force her into the embrace of a life time. For the first time in my life, I feel truly at bliss, at bliss with one love, but she managed to pull away quickly. Nothing could save her though from the love which lurks inside my very being.
I could see it within her eyes. She wanted me, she needed me. She needed me to save her from her lowliness. She wanted me to take her into that truly blissful light of the moonlight sky. Her bliss was my bliss, and bliss will always triumph!