Modern era communication is more and more via a modem and a computer. The interaction this allows between people all over the world is no doubt a marvel. It eases loneliness and draws together people with similar interests. It is a forum for debate, a place to find on-line support and also a means of being heard on a broader scale. Most people who seek to be heard are honest, dignified, thoughtful and trustworthy and do not seek the anonymity of internet communication for foul means. Unfortunately some do. There are others who are naïve and not so careful who can also be a “pest” on-line. I thought it was timely, considering genuine booksie users have been subjected recently to other more aggressive and less thoughtful users, to explore some of the expectations, etiquette and errors of communicating and sharing on-line.
I discovered the possibilities of a world outside my world, “on-line”, about eight years ago. Until then I functioned reasonably well in my own circle of family and friends and didn’t miss what I didn’t know about.
When my mostly comfortable world was shattered by the deaths of both my parents I had difficulty finding my place again in the circle. I sought on-line empathy and understanding from strangers about grief and depression. While others around me found peace and closure and closeness from those you would expect, I battled and raged with my emotions and discovered that an anonymous outpouring “to the world” was a sort of therapy. It was there too I learned the hard way that the e-ways is not always cosy or supportive and how easily one can offend someone else without meaning to.
My first experience of this was triggered by a comment by me and was in essence about how I struggled to tell those closest to me how desperately sad I was in my grief. A woman on the site picked up on this and twisted the meaning to suit her circumstances to say that men in particular lacked understanding about emotional matters and it was easier to be guarded about them. A man on the site took enormous offence to this and derided the both of us for being secretive and sexist. Turns out he had circumstances of his own that caused him to arc up as his wife had kept things from him resulting in a broken relationship. The episode created a veritable storm, one I backed away from very sadly and quickly as I felt I had created all the angst (where in actual fact it was the next women’s much more insensitive comment in relation to men that triggered the angry chain reaction). Instead of finding the encouraging on-line support I needed I retreated further into my depression. I felt guilty and unworthy as well because in my mind I had also made other depressed people miserable.
My next experience on-line was (still is) better. “My” site is closely monitored by co-ordinators as it is sensitive in nature. Inappropriate posts are closed before they upset others or get out of hand. Despite it being closely scrutinised some things “get away” and manage to upset people, particularly as the people sharing this site are mostly all vulnerable and hurting. Now and again a post of pornographic material or unscrupulous marketing or sheer “junk” find its way on to the site before it is discovered by the co-ordinators and deleted. That sort of nonsense, it seems, will always be a part of our “on-line” world as well as our everyday world. I don’t have as much need to use this site as I am in steady recovery from the problem that originally sent me there. But it re-affirmed my faith that “talking to strangers” can be a helpful tool in working through problems and in shared empathy. On this note I think we need to keep in mind that it should not be our whole world. It is easy to become “lost” in a world of “friends” we will never meet and to ignore those we should be communicating with in real time.
Encouraged by my creative writing teacher who markets on-line I sought an on-line site for publishing or sharing my own writing. I think I googled something like “publish on-line” and high up there was booksie. I liked what I saw and read and here I am!
My immediate experience was very encouraging. I logged in, published my short story “The House on the Hill” and received many welcomes and supportive comments. I followed up the short story with some poems previously written along with some recent ones and some I wrote specifically for booksie. Not too far along and my poem “Hide and Seek” was a featured poem. To be featured on the home page is very inspiring, makes you feel good about writing something that others enjoy and gives you a sense of worth about your writing and your self.
I loved those who found the time to offer helpful and honest comments on how to improve my writing or how to tackle a project like writing a novel. “Tarot” is a writer and mentor who comes to mind. Did I mind that “Tarot” was truthful enough to tell me that my featured poem “Hide and Seek” did not work so well as a poem and would be better suited to an article? No. I totally revelled in the honesty and it reinforced something I have felt about some (not all) of my poetry, it is not really poetry at all but little phrases of opinion which could expand well into an entertaining article. (One of the reasons I exposed my writing to the masses was to gain opinion from readers on how to make it more relatable to them. I don’t want to hear every time that a particular poem is magnificent if it is not. I am one who appreciates someone saying, “that all worked very well but the last two lines seemed out of place”. However readers need to assess those writers who are more vulnerable to criticism if they are prone to – and experienced enough - to helping people improve their writing. A good rule of thumb in my view is to praise the things that worked in a particular piece of writing before honing in on spelling mistakes or other.)
However (although this may well have been the opinion of the person who stated it) it was tougher to see a comment, obviously from someone who felt narked and rejected, that a poem “sucked” and the author was “conceited” (or something to that effect, I much more readily recall the exact words of the helpful, considerate comments than the deliberately goading derogatory ones) I know the sad and angry person who wrote that particular comment had not targeted me in particular, other people were called names and their writing -usually most worthy writing - rudely abused. Did the small-minded aggressive poster/ex member know how pathetic it made he/she look and how most of us were more bemused than upset about the comments?
Again, I realise I may myself be stepping on toes again here. It is not for me to judge or to know what triggers aggressive on-line behaviour. Feeling left out or angry and taking this out on other on-line users can happen because the perpetrators have little control over their own lives. But they should be made aware that bullying or aggressive behaviour on-line is not the answer. In fact I would go as far to say that it is simply not acceptable.
Our on-line booksie world is a joy to be a part of. Writers can share writing with other writers and with others who don’t write but love to read. There are challenges to stimulate our brains and our creativity and articles where people can “have their say.” There are a multitude of people of all ages sharing this site from all over the world. This in itself throws up a few little dilemmas, sometimes creates disillusionment and recently caused one excellent writer that I know of to write a farewell poem and depart from the scene. We need to make other writers aware of our writing now and then because of the sheer volume of publication. It is sad to one day find a brilliant poem that simply escaped without any reads or comments. Some of you, like me, may feel we are “pestering” others by leaving comments to read a particular poem. Others insist upon it. In the long run it may all be a matter of balance?
So are there any hard and fast rules for communicating and sharing on-line? In conclusion I believe we should treat other on-line users with the same respect, decorum and friendliness that we treat the people in “real time” who are a part of our lives. If we tread on someone’s toes in our own world we apologise. We offer support, encouragement, warmth, understanding, a helping hand to those near and dear to us. We can spread this on a wider scale through a site like booksie. We should be aware that as in our real world there will always be “bad eggs” and not let them upset us too much or goad us in to retaliatory unwelcome behaviour.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.
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