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DOSZE September 2013-Just Getting Started

Article By: DOSZEOfficial
Editorial and opinion



In this issue of DOSZE, Ryan talks about cars in an Apocalypse, we take a look at some Zombie content, and find out which movie made the cut to be our movie of the month.


Submitted:Sep 5, 2013    Reads: 8    Comments: 1    Likes: 2   


DOSZE September 2013-Just Getting Started

Welcome fans to the Desk Of Superior Zombie Experts. It's already September. The year has almost come and gone. We all believe that we've done things that may be of great importance or relevance to us later in life. We have our official DOSZE account on Booksie, and our DOSZE account on YouTube. We hope you have all enjoyed the ride with DOSZE, and we aim to continue this. Frankly, we're just getting started. Also, Ethan is unable to continue due to personal reasons, so a friend named Luke Preston has taken over Ethan's role. Fortunately, he knows a lot more about Zombies than Ethan.

Ryan's Corner

Topic: Cars

We all know the super-fast and super-sleek cars like Ferrari or Lamborghini and how they are great in the real world, but how good would they be in a Zombie Apocalypse? To find that out, you must first look at a number of contributing factors, including a car's speed, portability, and other car functions. This, in turn, will aid in deciding if a car is worthy to be driven in a Zombie Apocalypse or if it should be left behind in favour of another vehicle.

For this instance I'm going to take the Ferrari Enzo and put it against the Toyota Hilux.

The Toyota has a top speed of 170 Km/h (about 105Mph) and an acceleration of 0-100 Km/h in 14.1 seconds. The Ferrari, however, has a top speed of 363 Km/h (about 226 Mph) and an accelerates to the speed of 100 Km/h in 3.1 seconds making it faster and therefore a better car overall, But this is not the case because in an apocalypse it's not the speed and acceleration but the size, fuel efficiency, power, and bullet-proofness that counts and for that the Ferrari lacks in most of these needs.

The Toyota Hilux is more fuel efficient, bigger (inside and out), and more power however they both have a horrible amount of what I call "Bullet-Proofness" (Which means the amount of bullet proof material the object has) But that can be fixed by adding bullet proof material on the side of the vehicle, although I highly doubt that you would wreck a car so cool as the Ferrari Enzo.

In conclusion to all that mumble and whatnot that nobody cares about unless you are a car fanatic, so over all the Toyota Hilux would be a better car in the apocalypse, and for all you annoying people who would like to troll in the comments saying "Blasphemer" and all that nonsense listen to what I have to say: This Article is about a Zombie apocalypse not real life, yes I would prefer a Ferrari than a Toyota any day but an apocalypse is a different story, so if you're going to spam the comments, read it again and realise what you were about to say.

Ryan out.

Herpidy Derp.

(Random Phrase from Ryan: Check).

Zombie Tip Of The Month

In the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, one must beware of every threat possible. One may think that they can approach a proposed objective without thinking twice. Beware, this is incorrect, and the result will not be satisfying. Death will surely come.

Quizzing Questions

Question 1: What is your favourite cartoon/anime involving Zombies?

Ryan: High School Of The Dead

Shane: High School Of The Dead

Question 2: What is your favourite character from a Zombie movie or TV-Show?

Ryan: Glenn from The Walking Dead.

Shane: Daryl from The Walking Dead.

Question 3: What is your favourite type of Zombie?

Ryan: Walkers cos' they're slower.

Shane: Walker. Easier to dodge, and, though they hunt in hordes, would be less dangerous than many other types.

Gun Of The Month

Instead of Ethan this month it's a me, Ryan doing the Gun of The Month, and the gun I have chosen this month is the HK G36 (and all its variants).

This rifle was designed in the 1990's by Heckler & Koch in Germany. The weapon is gas operated and a magazine that holds 30 5.56mm NATO rounds, but can be used with a 100 round drum. The rifle has a 3x scope and often a red dot sight.

Before Heckler & Koch started building for Germany the G36 had the name of HK50.

The variants of this rifle are as follows:

  • G36K - is shorter by 17 cm, The K stands for kurz which means short in German.
  • G36C - is shorter by 28 cm but looks like a submachine gun, the C stands for compact.
  • LMG36 - is the normal 1 meter long rifle, but it has a bipod and drum mag, LMG stands for Leichtes Machienen Gewehr which means Light Machine Gun in German.

Thank You all for reading the Gun Of The Month.

Zombies Invade Booksie

BUnique-The Demise Of Hirkland Town-Chapters 11-13

http://www.booksie.com/horror/novel/bunique/the-demise-of-hirkland-town/chapter/1

Shane: BUnique has continued the aura of a Zombie Apocalypse that threatens us all with even more twists and turns in the next few chapters of her novel.

Ryan: It was amazing. I simply cannot wait for the next chapter. Yet again, BUnique keeps the story climactic.

TheWorldsWorstSwordsman-Exerts From The Zombie Apocalypse

http://www.booksie.com/horror/novel/theworldsworstswordsman/exerts-from-the-zombie-apocolypse/chapter/1

Shane: TheWorldsWorstSwordsman has created a great story, but lacks in the department of telling it. One example I found of this was that he called his father "James," and then when describing his classmates, he says that a kid named James is a scaredy-cat. Nice, but could be a lot better.

Ryan: TheWorldsWorstSwordsman used some descriptive wording and imagery, but wasn't efficient in the way that the words were expressed.

Movie Of The Month

The movie of the month is Resident Evil (2002). The reason we chose this movie is because it sparked a great series of Zombie movies that continues to this day.

Creative Content Of The Month:

Ryan's Turn. Script. Leaving A Mate Behind.

Enter Shane, Ryan and Ethan.

Ryan is reloading his gun, Ethan has just been bitten on the leg by a Zombie and Shane is trying to help him.

Shane: Ryan, come on. Hurry the fuck up. Ethan's just been bitten.

Ryan stops what he is doing. He had no idea that Ethan had been bitten.

Ryan: What the fuck! When did this happen?

Shane: Obviously just now. What the fuck you asshole!

Ryan: Shut the fuck up. He's dead to us. What are we going to do?

Shane and Ryan think, as Ethan cries in the corner.

Ryan: Should we leave him, and fuck off?

Shane: What do you think, Ethan?

Ethan doesn't answer. Instead, he just coughs and continues to cry in the corner.

Ryan: Well then. Let's hurry the fuck up and leave this corpse.

Ryan runs for the door, with Shane hightailing it behind him. They open the door, as Ethan screams from inside, attracting the attention of the zombies outside the house.

Male Zombie: *Moans*

Ryan cuts the closest Zombie's head off with a Katana, and stabs the head to be sure it is dead. Shane and Ryan run off into the distance. In the background, Ethan's cries could be heard.

Ethan: Ahhhh!!!! You mother fuckers!!!! You could have killed me instead!!!!!

Ryan: (Yelling) Sorry!!!!!

From the background, Ethan's cries die out.

Shane: Thank god we got out of there.

The two run into a new house, nearly a suburb away. They gather some supplies, and settle down.

2 MONTHS LATER

Shane and Ryan have left individually to gather some supplies. Shane walked down to where Ethan had died without thinking. As he was gathering supplies, a zombie came up from behind him, and bit him on the neck.

Shane: Ahhhh!!!! Oh shit!!!!

Shane turns around and sees a zombie version of Ethan asking for more food. Shane blacks out. Ryan approaches, and see's Shane's guts being ripped out by Ethan. He grabs a Sniper Rifle from the top of the building he was scavenging in, and shot Ethan in the head.

So Ryan continues to live, to this day, with the heads of Shane and Ethan at a base camp, so he could remember his DOSZE friends, who helped him, and trained him to be the expert he is today.
THE END.

Article Of The Month

Would A Zombie Bite Really Kill You?

Traditionally, a bite from a Zombie will infect you, and the genes that it infects you with will always kill you. This must be true, as the bite severs many glands, and it has been estimated that a Zombie would have an immense amount of strength, and this strength would translate into a massive bite, meaning a great amount of blood loss. The bite would infect you, and based on the grotesque appearance of the Zombie, it is the common belief that a Zombie bite would kill you in a way that is similar to a disease. What may be a better question is how long would it take to fully reanimate? Weight appears to be the deciding factor, as many different factors are taken into consideration, and thus, many people die at different rates. Plus, it appears that the only part that could probably be infected is your nose, as it has the necessary proteins that would translate into a reanimation.

Zombie Survival Plan

September 2013

  • Grab a weapon, food and necessary items. As an example, if you have asthma, don't forget to bring some puffers.
  • Find a fuel efficient vehicle that is suitable for your needs, and the needs of your group if you have one, and get inside with your supplies.
  • Try to find places that might be of interest. Check places like chemists and supermarkets, as they will be looted quickly, and food is a necessary if you are to survive.
  • Find a closed place with clear exits that appears safe, and settle down until you have gathered enough resources to go somewhere more safer, and continue this with your group. Never get too attached to a place, or people.
  • If you find a boat, looking for a deserted island might be a great option, as Zombies cannot go through the water, meaning that you'd be able to live without constant fear of Zombies. Beware though, some people that die automatically turn into Zombies, so keep weapons nearby, just in case.

Thank You all for tuning in to read this article. Please remember to leave a like, comment and become a fan. Visit the links, and leave us questions and feedback.

NOTE: Next month Ryan and Shane will be taking DOSZE and separating it, so there will be a whole bunch of different articles or such that are by themselves. As an example, the Movie Of The Month will be an article by itself. This is so that people who want to look at a particular section could do it.





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