1. Here in the United States, we drive on the right side of the
road. If I put down the cell phone and concentrate, I can do it
too. I can, I can!
2. When I am going the wrong way in a lane in the parking lot at
the grocery store, I will not glare righteously at drivers trying
to wiggle past me. I will wave my apologies and get out of the
3. If sending a text message is so important that I must do it
NOW, RIGHT NOW,I will get off the road and find a place to park.
4. If calling somebody on my cell phone is so important that I
must do it NOW, RIGHT NOW, I will get off the road...
5. On the road are painted white stripes. These stripes are
important. I will choose a pair of white stripes and stay between
them. I will not drive on the white stripe.
6. Turning up my music really loud will not make people like it
7. As much my doggie loves me, he does not need to sit in my lap
when I am driving. He might complain, but he will get over it.
The back seat is where the doggie belongs.
8. I really should not read a book while driving. I can get it on
tape or better yet, wait till I get home.
9. Cutting off a tractor trailer and then braking makes for an
10. Riding in the back of a pickup truck is an exciting way to
travel, especially in the event of a collision.
11. Weaving madly between cars so I can be first at the next red
light gets me mocked by the drivers I cut off to get there. I
will stop embarrassing myself like this.
12. Speed bumps mean "Slow Down." They do not mean, "Whee! Play
13. Just because I am driving a truck does not mean I am starring
in the movie Mad Max Goes to the Mall.
14. Leaping the curb to make a U-turn across a grassy median is a
good way to destroy my car and make an absolute fool of myself at
the same time.
15. Making obscene gestures at total strangers is both uncouth
and unwise. They may be armed.
16. A red arrow means you can't turn until it does. I will not
honk and scream at drivers ahead of me who are only obeying the
17. There is no point in honking my horn when I am stuck in a
traffic jam. The guy ahead of me is stuck too. And so is the guy
ahead of him.
18. I will not drive like a lunatic when my boss's phone number
is emblazoned on the back of my vehicle with the question: HOW AM
I DRIVING? This could be bad for my career.
19. For bicyclists: I have a right to use the road, but I am not
an ambulance. I will not sail merrily out into an intersection
against a red light.
20. And last but not least: Drinking and Driving Is Illegal. It's
stupid. It's just plain wrong. I will not do it! If I am feeling
tiddly, I will stay off the road!