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What Women Don't Want

Article By: Khano
Editorial and opinion

Wrote an essay for my brother, from his perspective. It's pretty wicked. Listen up boys. lol.

Submitted:Feb 28, 2011    Reads: 88    Comments: 13    Likes: 10   

What Women Don't Want

I am no expert, no love doctor, none of that. I am just Khan, the average guy. I have the looks, but, no one said I'm George Clooney, or...as 21st century women like to say, Robert Pattinson, although in my opinion, he is not much of a man.
In my days I have attracted many pretty girls. I'm definitely in with the times. This following masterpiece, has come with much research, and much laughter.
So we all know too well what women want right? They practically drill it into our heads. Shoes [she hints how pretty they are every time you walk past], the dresses, the make-up, the expensive chocolates imported from Brazil [if you even suggest the Indian ones, she looks at you as if you insulted her grandmother]. Yes, we know all about women and their endless demands for material goods. But, have you heard the flip side? I, being the superhero, have taken the pains to chat to the ladies in my household to find out what exactly they don't want. Here's what they had to say. The following statements have been issued against us:

- "Women DO NOT like greasy hair. We DO NOT want you to look as though you dipped your head in almond oil [yes, this refers to hair-gel]."
Then again, we do not like having girls who look like frosted Barbie dolls. You banish the make up, we banish the hairgel. Deal?

- "We DO NOT want to know if Lukas Padolski scored last night, or for that matter, know who Lukas Padolski is at all."
We do not want to know if Taylor Lautner has an eight-pack, or even care.

- "Roses do not come in just ONE color. Seriously, the constant obsession with "red" gives us the impression that you're a) suicidal or b) colour blind . We DO NOT want red roses all the time. Is that too much to ask for?"
Well you see, us, guys, are like machines. We are programmed.You tell us you like red. We buy red. Don't coo at the red and then curse us because we didn't get you the gold one.

-What is it with slang? We DO NOT glow with affection when you refer to us infront of your friends as your "chick". As much as we would like to refer to you as a "male boar", we don't.
I thought chicks were cute and cuddly. ?.

At this point in time, my ears are ringing. I have the sudden urge to shove my head into a toilet bowl. Now, my fellow brothers, it is time to make a change. Our simple days of chocolates and roses are officially over.
It is time to take into consideration...what women don't want.

By Khano. ;P


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