Facts and figures based upon recent scientific findings:
Vampires societal influence-a probing investigation
Dr. E. Francesca Mize, PhD, Dr. L.E. Brown, MD
Abstract: Through extensive research, vampires and any vampire
paraphernalia has been demonstrated to not only be a nuisance,
the afore mentioned negatively impact social wellbeing and sexual
health. Additionally, vampires, rampant with disease put lives at
risk, especially those under age five and the elderly. Their
minimal positive impact on the community at large poses valid
inquiry as to their societal influence. Furthermore, their
continuing effect on the national debt crisis is pushing
lawmakers to take action against this species. The findings
conclusively prove vampires must be eradicated from existence in
order for humans to flourish.
� Vampires in movies affecting humankind = Bad
� Humankind in movies affecting humankind = Good
� Vampires in movies affecting vampires =Bad
� Humankind in movies adversely affecting humankind
� Vampires ≤ Finding hidden cameras in a
� Spoiled chunky milk ≈ Vampires
A 3..7% increase in the number of reported cases of blindness
have been reported in areas dense in vampire population.
Vampires carry deadly diseases, which they have inherited over
time from evolution and inbreeding
� Vampires have an adversative effect on any initial sexual
appeal due to their clingy and often obsessive behaviors. Those
in relationships with vampires often become victims of emotional
and mental torment because co-dependent is often immobilized by
� Vampires are often associated with droll and monotonous
behavior. Their impact on the community is usually minimal to
� Vampires are associated with furthering the mortgage crisis and
as well as increasing personal credit card debt among
� Lobbyists have proposed an act to mandate garlic be integrated
into every restaurant dish moving forward-the proposed bill has
been added to Congress' Food Safety bills, debated in May 2009.
o Additionally, all Italians will be given a child bearing
stipend of $5,000 per every child they conceive. More italians =
more garlic usage = less vampires
�The phrase "that's a spicey meatball" will now be the rallying
cry against the vampires.
� Vampires make bad lovers.
Ellen: so i watched it. i
Ellen: it wasnt great we laughed through a lot of it. there
is a lot of brooding. and staring. and this love for each
other just comes out of nowhere basically. so its silly
 Ellen: their skin shimmers and shines when light hits
them. Not sexy. More disco ball, could be blinding.
Disco is dead, vampires need to understand that.
and in the movie he is so WHITE because i guess that is how
vampires are. always cold. and white
while this girl sleeps, he just creepily lays next to her and
stares at her.
Ellen: did you know vampires don't eat? well only blood.but
no food. they dont sleep
me: vampires sound so boring. what else do they do all day
then? just fight warewolves?
Hot Topic, a competitor for the teen market, which posted a
gain of 7.1 percent in March, largely on the strength of
licensed products tied to the "Twilight" vampire series.
Ellen: ill start the lobbying campaign. bill should be
passed. we could probably sneak it into the food safety bills
that will be debated in may Ellen: bella goes to meet the
vamp family. and the mom starts talking italian to her, and
she doesn't know italian. lame.
yup but so in this one makeout, it was in her bed....and then
edward like flies backward off of her. something like he just
wants her SO much..that he shouldn't get started
me: so erections are evil in the vampire world. is what im
Ellen: lol. you know, i am not sure if it goes that far or
not but if he gets aroused
maybe he just wants to bite.
and not bone.
Additional controlled results: