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Why Relationships Fail

Article By: MiaDenise
Editorial and opinion

Maybe the reason why so many relationships are failing is because no one starts them off right.

Submitted:Nov 12, 2010    Reads: 701    Comments: 47    Likes: 14   

Ever heard that famous line, "It just didn't work."
Or how about, "It's not you, it's me."
Oh! Oh! And what about this one, "I guess… he just wasn't who I thought he was."
Classic lines.
But don't you think we've heard them a little too much?
So far, people are surrounded by relationships, and do they work?
Most of the time no.
But why?
Why can't for once, someone can have a great, amazing, AWESOME relationship with someone that doesn't feel like they have to put their heart on a platter to make it happen.
I found an amazing realization through watching people, listening to really really smart guys, and experimentation. The answer is so obvious that it's almost a sick joke! People are just so blind to see it!
When you go up to someone do you say, "Well, you have brown eyes, I heard you cook good, you have a job with a good flow of income, and you're my type. Let's date."
Well… If I were to see that I'd probably tell the desperate loser off. But isn't it true that we do that in our minds when you think about? I mean most people make lists in their heads about they're perfect guy or girl, how they'd look, and what they'd be like. When you really think about it, isn't that selfish?
I mean wow! How would you feel if someone is using you more as a guinea pig to see if you fit all their wants and needs on their list, and if you don't then hey, there's plenty of fish in the sea right?
Now this is TOTALLY different then setting standards, which actually a lot of people don't think to do either. Setting standards is looking at the character of a person which is always important. Making a list of things like their height, their eye color, and what generation of iPod they have aren't reasons to start relationships.
The first thing that people do wrong when it comes to relationships is think about themselves first. Why do people even have relationships in the first place? Because the need love right? They have to have it or they're never be truly happy like the people in some of the "relationships" we see around us. Or least, that's what the world tells us these days. No boyfriend? You might as well just kill yourself. Never been laid? You better get laid quick or you'll be considered the saddest loser to everyone.
Of course, everyone needs love. But who says a relationship is what's supposed to give it to you? Through my experience, I've found a truly amazing, never-ending, better-than-any-boyfriend love through God. But that's another story.

Back to relationships.

Do you really want to know the secret in a successful relationship? Because, I've disovered it. Here it is. Plain and simple.
When you meet someone you're attracted to, here's something you don't do. Don't ask them on a date after a really good conversation. Even though it was a GREAT connecting talk, it's just a good talk, not a signal that this is "the one". Don't act like you know them and you're meant to be because you have a few things in common. Again, it's just a few things in common, nothing big enough to be the basis of an actual relationship.
And lastly, don't talk about a relationship. Period.

Ok. Why don't you do these things? This is what everyone usually does right? Right! And that's why we're at home comforting our crying friend because her 8 month relationship ruined because she caught her boyfriend cheating on her.

First of all, when you just meet someone and you go on a first date right away, who are you really seeing? Most of the time, if I were to go on a date I'd make myself look really nice. Cover up all the flaws, all the pimples, pick a great outfit, and make sure the best sides of my personality show up. And that's all a first date really is.

Trying to impress the other person not with who you are, but with who you know they'll like.

That is where relationships fail. Here you're not being you're true self! When you're friends with someone, you're not trying to impress them. They see all the sides of you good and bad, and sometimes that's where the greatest relationships come from. You see the good and the bad and know it'll still work. OR, you realize that it never would have worked and you're glad you didn't have to go through a horrible relationship to find out.

Whereas, when you start dating you love it. All the feelings and emotions are there. This person is everything you want them to be and you can't help but feel like there's no greater feeling! I mean hey, you're in love!

But ask yourself this.

Why does the love start to feel a little funny after a while when you realize, oh… I didn't know you get so mad when we fight. You've never hit me before… but we're in love, so it'll work itself out. Why did you stop cooking for me!? You said you loved cooking and here's my plate, empty and waiting! Why does it feel like we just don't connect anymore? Where'd the love go?

Sometimes people are sucking out so much from the other person, it leaves them in a cold, dry relationship that just falls apart. People never really realize it, but it's true. They were everything you wanted though! They were sweet! They said all the right things, and it felt good to be around them! So, what happened?

Here's what's a true, good, and real relationship looks like.

You're. Not. Taking. You're. Giving.

If people would stop making lists and stop dating people because it makes them feel good, because it makes them feel safe, because of them; then things will start getting deeper. When you give all you can to another person, without feeling forced to, then eventually they give back and you're both blessing each other with such a love that no jewelry, good sex, and feelings can give you.

It's actual intimacy. It's an actual relationship.
However there's one other thing that stops a successful relationship. BOTH people need to give. Let me repeat myself. BOTH. PEOPLE. If you're loving on them and giving your all for the mere sake of they're happiness then that's awesome! Sadly, how can it be a relationship if one's giving and one's sucking? It's great that at least SOMEONE'S loving, but it takes two to have that wonderful relationship.
Also, listen to me guys. Yes, there are other reasons that relationships fall apart sometimes, but don't you think that this is a pretty huge one?A lot of problems all comes down to the selfishness of yourself or others, so really think about. This isn't the only reason why relationships fail. But hey, a heck of a lot of them do because of this.

Now when are you going to stop sucking love? When are you going to stop giving him sex, just so he'll stay? When are you going to love, not to be loved, but to just give it?

When people do, you'll stop hearing a lot of those, "It just didn't work." And start to hear, "It couldn't have worked better."

AN/ Thank you all for reading this :DI'd like to thank Patrick Dodson and his novel, "Things My Dad Never Told Me About Relationships". It's seriously one of the greatest books I've ever read in the history of reading. xD Also I'd like to thank Kayla Norris, for her inspiration in me writing this. This is my view, and if you have opinions I'd love to hear them, so comment below :)


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