Ever heard that famous line, "It
just didn't work."
Or how about, "It's not you, it's
Oh! Oh! And what about this one, "I
guess… he just wasn't who I thought he was."
But don't you think we've heard
them a little too much?
So far, people are surrounded by
relationships, and do they work?
Most of the time no.
Why can't for once,
someone can have a great, amazing, AWESOME relationship with
someone that doesn't feel like they have to put their heart on a
platter to make it happen.
I found an amazing realization
through watching people, listening to really really smart guys,
and experimentation. The answer is so obvious that it's almost a
sick joke! People are just so blind to see it!
When you go up to someone do you
say, "Well, you have brown eyes, I heard you cook good, you have
a job with a good flow of income, and you're my type. Let's
Well… If I were to see that I'd
probably tell the desperate loser off. But isn't it true that we
do that in our minds when you think about? I mean most people
make lists in their heads about they're perfect guy or girl, how
they'd look, and what they'd be like. When you really think about
it, isn't that selfish?
I mean wow! How would you feel if
someone is using you more as a guinea pig to see if you fit all
their wants and needs on their list, and if you don't then hey,
there's plenty of fish in the sea right?
Now this is TOTALLY different then
setting standards, which actually a lot of people don't think to
do either. Setting standards is looking at the character of a
person which is always important. Making a list of things like
their height, their eye color, and what generation of iPod they
have aren't reasons to start relationships.
The first thing that people do
wrong when it comes to relationships is think about themselves
first. Why do people even have relationships in the first place?
Because the need love right? They have to have it or they're
never be truly happy like the people in some of the
"relationships" we see around us. Or least, that's what the world
tells us these days. No boyfriend? You might as well just kill
yourself. Never been laid? You better get laid quick or you'll be
considered the saddest loser to everyone.
Of course, everyone needs love. But
who says a relationship is what's supposed to give it to you?
Through my experience, I've found a truly amazing, never-ending,
better-than-any-boyfriend love through God. But that's another
Back to relationships.
Do you really want to know the
secret in a successful relationship? Because, I've disovered it.
Here it is. Plain and simple.
When you meet someone you're
attracted to, here's something you don't do. Don't ask
them on a date after a really good conversation. Even though it
was a GREAT connecting talk, it's just a good talk, not
a signal that this is "the one". Don't act like you know
them and you're meant to be because you have a few things in
common. Again, it's just a few things in common, nothing
big enough to be the basis of an actual relationship.
And lastly, don't talk
about a relationship. Period.
Ok. Why don't you do these things?
This is what everyone usually does right? Right! And that's why
we're at home comforting our crying friend because her 8 month
relationship ruined because she caught her boyfriend cheating on
First of all, when you just meet
someone and you go on a first date right away, who are you really
seeing? Most of the time, if I were to go on a date I'd make
myself look really nice. Cover up all the flaws, all the pimples,
pick a great outfit, and make sure the best sides of my
personality show up. And that's all a first date really
Trying to impress the other person
not with who you are, but with who you know they'll like.
That is where relationships fail.
Here you're not being you're true self! When you're friends with
someone, you're not trying to impress them. They see all the
sides of you good and bad, and sometimes that's where the
greatest relationships come from. You see the good and the bad
and know it'll still work. OR, you realize that it never would
have worked and you're glad you didn't have to go through a
horrible relationship to find out.
Whereas, when you start dating you
love it. All the feelings and emotions are there. This person is
everything you want them to be and you can't help but feel like
there's no greater feeling! I mean hey, you're in love!
But ask yourself this.
Why does the love start to feel a
little funny after a while when you realize, oh… I didn't know
you get so mad when we fight. You've never hit me before… but
we're in love, so it'll work itself out. Why did you stop cooking
for me!? You said you loved cooking and here's my plate, empty
and waiting! Why does it feel like we just don't connect anymore?
Where'd the love go?
Sometimes people are sucking out so
much from the other person, it leaves them in a cold, dry
relationship that just falls apart. People never really realize
it, but it's true. They were everything you wanted though! They
were sweet! They said all the right things, and it felt good to
be around them! So, what happened?
Here's what's a true, good, and
real relationship looks like.
You're. Not. Taking. You're.
If people would stop making lists
and stop dating people because it makes them feel good, because
it makes them feel safe, because of them; then things will start
getting deeper. When you give all you can to another person,
without feeling forced to, then eventually they give back and
you're both blessing each other with such a love that no jewelry,
good sex, and feelings can give you.
It's actual intimacy. It's an
However there's one other thing
that stops a successful relationship. BOTH people need to give.
Let me repeat myself. BOTH. PEOPLE. If you're loving on them and
giving your all for the mere sake of they're happiness then
that's awesome! Sadly, how can it be a relationship if one's
giving and one's sucking? It's great that at least SOMEONE'S
loving, but it takes two to have that wonderful
Also, listen to me guys. Yes, there
are other reasons that relationships fall apart sometimes, but
don't you think that this is a pretty huge one?A lot of problems
all comes down to the selfishness of yourself or others, so
really think about. This isn't the only reason why relationships
fail. But hey, a heck of a lot of them do because of this.
Now when are you going to stop
sucking love? When are you going to stop giving him sex, just so
he'll stay? When are you going to love, not to be loved, but to
just give it?
When people do, you'll stop hearing
a lot of those, "It just didn't work." And start to hear, "It
couldn't have worked better."
AN/ Thank you all for reading this :DI'd
like to thank Patrick Dodson and his novel, "Things My Dad Never
Told Me About Relationships". It's seriously one of the greatest
books I've ever read in the history of reading. xD Also I'd like
to thank Kayla Norris, for her inspiration in me writing this.
This is my view, and if you have opinions I'd love to hear them,
so comment below :)