They intimidated me so much. Belittled me. Laughed at me. Was it because I was different? Because I wasn't spoiled rotten like they were? Was it because my parents didn't share the same profession as their parents did? Was it because I wasn't in their high-class circle? Every time I spot them, a sick feeling stirs within my stomach. That feeling of anxiety bringing me slowly to the edge. I'm so nervous, the butterflies are ripping me apart. They seem harmless, but they still have that bully inside of them. I can tell... just by the look in their eyes or by the expression on their faces. Maybe I'm not as pretty as them? Maybe not as perfect. All done up hair and makeup every single day, ready to show off their assets to the world. They're going to take over their parent's profession... after all, they all are going to school to do it. They cross my path and barely care to glance my way or to even acknowledge that I'm there. They
very well know who I am... and to them, I'm no one. They are so much better than me. They've got it made. They don't need to worry about anything... about failure... about loss... about self esteem... about their traits... about love.......

Then I reflect upon the friends that I have, and I am thankful for them. But even then, I feel so distanced from them. I do not want to depend on them to make me happy... to erase those memories from so long ago. So I convince myself that in the end... we are alone. And that in life the only one we can depend on is ourselves. The only one we can trust is ourselves. Your friends are the ones who can hurt you the most, because they know you and they can use what they know against you. Which leads me to conclude that the best thing to avoid that, is to remain anonymous, to keep to yourself, to remain mysterious, to have walls that surround you. No one can get in, no one can hurt you. You are immune. I know the argument that contradicts this, hence, spare me.

Life is not sunshine and rainbows. It only is when one is ignorant of the wrong, of the bad, of the misleading. But it's best to be aware of these things in order to overcome them and to be wise. I am skeptical to life's motives because I am always faced with lies, betrayal, rejection, and disappointment. Always spending time attempting to please others for fear of saying no might prove a bit problematic... I'm winning a losing battle. People make empty promises and don't live up to their word. It makes you feel hopeless. Sure there are good times in life, times to be cherished... but only so you can feed off of them later... to keep you going... to give you hope only to become hopeless once more when life's disappointments walk through that door like daily mail shoved in the mail slot.

This note drifts off to many subjects, and might seem confusing... but that's only because my mind is racing and is too rapid for me to completely write down my thoughts... however deep they may go.. some will remain with me alone. The beginning of this note was about something but drifted on to other things... Interesting how listening to music makes me ramble and write without the blink of an eye. I am in a trance as I write this.

I observe and analyze everything that surrounds me, everything that happens around me, everything that I hear, everything that I feel... I am not ignorant to my actions... I know what I do right and what I do wrong... but some don't. It might seem like I don't know sometimes... but I do... I only make you believe what you are meant to believe.

My eyes have been opened ever since I've been in college. You grow up. You mature. And you look at life differently. Your priorities change. Your logical sense and common sense are of most importance, but sadly, not everyone has it. This note might be talked about... but they are merely thoughts not to be dwelt in. There is an explanation for every word, but I need not explain everything.

Many of life's lessons: Be independent not dependent. Be your own person. Don't be gullible. Don't be naive. Take advice from someone's who's wise, not from someone who is naive and is still young to the world. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Love. Be skeptical of what is said for nothing is ever quite true. Don't let people discover your motives. In everything that you do, give it your best. Look for the person who is merely a shadow.

One cannot handle a truth, because it is horrifying to them. It is a revelation they dare not face. Because a truth reveals to one all the evil that is within them or all one's flaws or one's mistakes. However, when one faces truth, it is then, that ignorance ends. One may know a truth, but choose to ignore it for reasons which I won't divulge because it is a discussion for another day.

In everything that we do, there is always a cause and effect. And in everything that happens, things do happen for a reason. Even if it is not always clear why. In everything that we do we always have a choice. The one we make will determine the results and/or consequences. Which is why it always best to think before to act.

In the miseries which happen in your life, recite this to yourself: This too, shall pass.

In response:
l will survive... because that's always what one is meant to say to silence its audience... and give no chance to question.