Oh hey, it’s been a while! Let me cut to the point of this and you can be on your way.
I will first and foremost admit that I haven’t written anything for my leisure in a long time. It feels like forever since I have been able to write something worthwhile and every time I feel like I need to express myself, it comes out in anger. I’m lonely in my life. I do have friends, but I’m not lonely in that context. My heart has a large, gaping hole that really doesn’t seem like it’s going to be filled anytime soon.
I’m a different person since I last wrote anything. I was intelligent, I handled school very well, and I was more relaxed and chill. My head had a lot less going through it and I was a better writer. I still have my writing talents in school, but my vocabulary is less verbose and more… moderate? Is that a good word? I guess.
I’m angry with the world. Ever since I stopped writing, I have only resorted to yelling and screaming. I over-think many situations and everything gets screwed up in the process.
I’m still single. I don’t know about you, but seeing your friends in public in their relationships and telling each other on Facebook how much they love each other is enough to make you want to hang yourself when you’ve been single for a year and a half and you just want a normal relationship. Not one where your ex lies to you about being abused and tricks you into being clingy, only to break up with you for it.
I don’t care anymore about school or what happens to me. I’m more determined to shut everyone up and let me do what I want to do. I have taken to music entirely and have forgotten any other forms of art that I have been involved in the past.
Internally, I am a mess and have forgotten how I let everything out through my writing. I began to think people would find it weird and I would be made fun of, so for some reason, I stopped. Maybe it involves my ex girlfriend? Most likely. But now I’m asking myself, I had something good going, so why did I stop it?
I’m here, I’m back, and I’m ready to let a lot of my personal Hell out for people to read. I don’t care if you read it or not, I don’t care if you choose not to favor it even if you like it. I only care that I get it out of my system so that I can calm myself down, so that my heartbeat can go down ten beats per minute.
After all, I am letting out my inner demons. I can’t hold them for long, no matter how much I bitch, am I right?