It was nighttime again, an inevitable time that just immediately came. The moon seems to reign from its nap with some glimmering stars encircling upon it. I found myself doing nothing, nothing but ruminating of some depressing thing that might save me from despondency. As time convey, I think I just love sitting near beside my study table that causes my back to cramp, enjoying the noise of silence, smelling the quivering mild breeze of the air and descrying the blend of torment. In the midst of my contemplation, something is biting behind my legs. What the..? Urghh! Oh the bedbugs! The ferocious and ravenous bedbugs. But it no longer hurt me as if they can eat me haha?. I deeply sigh as I glance aimlessly up at the ceiling as I saw the faint luminous light of some roaming fireflies. Good thing they give me inspiration. To think of happy thoughts is really hard for me. After what had happen to my life, here I am still craving for felicity and bliss. I just can't deny that I never learned from my mistakes as it tortures me in the past. Besides, being desolate is not new to me; rather it gives me the strength to go on and pursue.
I just wonder to myself why it takes my life so sudden. Nobody ever told me or at least I never thought that life could be so lonely, distressing and hopeless. That's so miserable delusion about life. It seems only yesterday that I was growing up at home, playing whole day, smiling, embracing the nature and luring the love and adoration of my family and friends. I used to be a naïve boy, giggling, joking and enjoying the every seconds of my life. It seems there were no bad days back then. How I wish I could just etch my childhood memory permanently instead of letting them flutter from my mind like a ghost at night. Suddenly, I realize that I am awaken in the reality of strive wherein tears far outnumber in the moment of laughter.
Life of each and every human person is a vital feature of tears and smile, grief and laughter, happy celebration as well as mourning. The awful truth about it is that it can never be equal in any sense. Oscar Wilde perfectly said," Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul". As it implies that knowing thyself is the best fulfillment for your personality [own understanding]. We tend to ask am I not a good person? Have I wronged someone? Have I maybe hurt someone and this is my punishment? Answers seem to be elusive. There are some days in the life of every individual that can never be forgotten as it is not ordinary which causes unbearable agony. Some of us tend to blame ourselves. A friend of me said "giving up is not a solution". Definitely right. We must do remember that we are not perfect enough to live unproblematic, are you? Never mind if our questions remain unanswered or our words remain unspoken. There is always tomorrow that waits for us. There is always a reason why we confront failures and different trials in life. God probably has a master plan for us as he knows everything. "There is no yes without no" "there's no solid without spaces" [no applaud please; I just heard that from my philosophy professor. There are many people that I had met from all walks of life, both men, women, old, young and some are disabled. They share the same humiliation like us. And at last I found solace and comfort in knowing that I am not alone or indifferent in my situation. And I'm happy for knowing their same burden.