You know, sometimes I wonder why bad things happen to good people.
Everyone does right?
I mean why would someone as 'nice' and as 'holy' as God, let people die?
It doesn't make sense right?
I spend a lot of my time listening to peoples' views on things and oh there are many.
But one topic that just seems to be so juicy to people are God.
Is there really one? And if there is, why does he have to make my life so miserable?
One day, I was at this meeting and everything in my life seemed to be going in the wrong direction.
I mean hey, my world was ending. OR at least that's what I conceived it to be for a 14 year old girl. My oh-so-protective father found out about my secret boyfriend that I had kept hidden for 7 months. He found out about my obsessive facebook roleplay that ended up being nothing different than erotica. He found me hanging out with people that taught me new things. Things I didn't need to know yet.
Everything got taken away. My cellphone, my facebook, TV, friends, my entire life I felt at the time was being ripped away from me. I hated it. Everything I loved was gone. I was lonely, like a billion other teens around the world. No boy liked me, so why would anyone else?My family seemed to hate me as well. So what do you do when you feel hated and alone?You hate. I hated God secretly for letting me get caught with all these things.. all this baggage. I mean he loves me right? If he really loved me he wouldn't take all these things away from me.
I found out that these 'bad things' were happening to millions of people. And I remembered something. Something very crucial.
If there's a good side,
There has to be a bad side right?
Was God really the one that was twisting up my life for sheer enjoyment?
No really. Think about it.
I found out that maybe it was the Devil. I mean few people think to ever blame him for stuff. It's always the big guy's fault. But why? I find no reason for God to ever want to hurt us?
I looked back at the night where all the things I had got taken away. I realized after a while… how much I let those things get to me. I mean I couldn't live without my boyfriend. I loved him. But was it him that I really loved or how I felt around him? All the sweet things he told me. Oh don't roll your eyes. You all know how it feels.
It feels good.
Being around someone that told you everything you wanted to hear.
Someone that told you that he thought you were the most special person on the earth to them. No one mattered more.
But I realized I didn't love him.
I loved the feeling of being with him, the ride, the feeling of being loved.
That's all I really wanted.
Everyone wants that. But I wanted it selfishly. Keeping him
because he kept my happy tank full.
I didn't date him for him. To make him happy. But to make me happy.
Anyway, back to God I found myself craving love. Happiness but whenever something went wrong I blamed him. I mean isn't it his job? To give me everything I want and need like a Staples button and never take anything away?
I met God. In a crazy.. Unexplainable way.
I realized that maybe the reason that bad things happen to good people is because we have free will. If God, came down and interrupted whenever something bad was about to go down then we would be robots. If that person made the choice to hurt someone else, who's God to come down and interfere?
I realized that this love that I've been craving for was right in front of me. He was up there saying, "Mia, what are you doing?"
You know that feeling? When something's never good enough? When you get it, no matter how continuously and it never fills you up?
God gives me this feeling that I feel like.. will never be unsatisfying.
He's just waiting for you to ask for it.
I mean no booze, no meth, and no boy can make me feel.. as happy as I do with him. All I had to do was acknowledge it.
Now remember. Just because I love God doesn't mean my life is perfect. Majority aren't.
You wanna know why?
Because the devil hates it. So much he wants to kill my happiness in thousands of ways. God is here, to help me through it. He's here to be the medicine to my pain. Other times, God is so happy with me, he goes to the Devil and says, "Hey! Look at my girl! You can go and do whatever you want to her, and I know she'll still love me. She'll still stay strong."
And no matter how hard it gets. I always have someone that can never be taken from me.
No matter how sweet the guy, how much money I have, or how many cool friends I'm with, nothing lasts forever.
But he does.
All I had to do was ask.
A/N This is a true story people xD and this is MY story which makes it all the better. I was inspired by a book that i was recently forced to read xD Glad i did. "Stuff My Dad Never Told Me About Relationships" By: Patrick Dawdson as well as the teachings I had sat through by a man (my pops) Kenny Jackson. Without these two things, I probably would never had written this. If you wanna know more things i got to say on.. well ANYTHING then hit me up on my page and let's talk. <3