Say "YES" to LIFE !!

Oh Pratibha, this poem gives me a heavy heart. What women cannot say she hasn't been there? I don't know whether it is because we are taught from an early age, or it's some natural feminine instinct, or both that makes us want to take care of an nurture those we hold dear. But when it is not returned, things can slowly turn to resentment and depression. My advice is to not put your sole happiness into making this person happy. He obviously doesn't appreciate it. Don't lose yourself, don't lose your own happiness for him. Find what makes you happy in life and do it! Speaking from someone who knows :) ~Emily

Posted: Dec 15, 2008

Prati I am so pleased you came in to see me and I in turn found this stunning piece of writing. It is a mix of pain and hope - I would like to think in some instances it would end in triumph.
You have some beautiful lines and images here:
"She wants to fly, she wants to sing with rivers and run along the soft wet grass over the distant hills" - I love this, talks to me of a freedom that should be a right of passage but sadly is not always that way.
I see the conflict of being a woman as opposed to being a person. It brings with it added responsibilities and 'ties" - one has to learn how to allow the person who "..wants to fly,...wants to sing with rivers and run along the soft wet grass over the distant hills" to do that in conjunction with being a wife and mother. Not easy, so many stumbling blocks and cotradictions.
Lovely writing Pratibha, thoughtful, truthful, sweet and anguished.

Posted: Dec 15, 2008

I am smitten with the breadth and depth of the depression and anguish in this writing.

Amazing writing full of raw emotion and stinging hurt that is kept at bay and only howls like a wild coyote occassionaly.

Sad. I am truly touched by this.

Posted: Dec 15, 2008

Hopefully we're coming to an awareness as a world culture to give everyone their just due..love and respect, for the gifts that they really are. Women especially. Always love to read and soak up your wisdom P..

Posted: Dec 15, 2008

I have never understood why women stay with men who abuse them or just simply ignore them but I guess it is easy to look at something from the outside and see the faults. The females in my life would certainly not stand for any such behaviour, they know their worth and are all reminded of it, often. Very worthwhile write Pratibha.

Posted: Dec 15, 2008

aww pratibha this is beautiful and so sad. the trapped feeling i can connect with, b/c well, it doesnt have to be a marriage. it can be a lover, family, friend, etc. but its much much harder if the trapped feeling and neglect is in a marriage. *sighs*
this was very beautifully written ^^ and certainly tugged at my heart. inspirational pratibha :)

Posted: Dec 15, 2008

hi Prati this like an open heart I can feel all the pain while reading it and want to hug u tightly and let all the sadness squeeze out of you... my dear I am a woman and do feel all those emotions at times and feel like thorns in my heart and wince with the pain..But if you wipe back your tears just open your mind and see around each one has their own identity and no one can take it from them....See you are here writing and having so many fans and venting out your feelings and this is also freedom....Each one has a different way of expressing love may be we don't try and understand at times..Why wait for their judgment just do your duties at your hearts content and do give time for yourself too...Dress up for yourself go out treat yourself pamper yourself make new friends live your life and then you see you will not have much of complaints or expectations.When you can get so much love from all the channels why wait for only one channel.....I hope i was able to wipe some of the pain from your heart and show you at least a single ray of light...All your friends love you so CHEER UP

Posted: Dec 16, 2008

Pratibha, I've said this again, and I'll say it now. YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, even when you think you don't have one. Think about it. It's not so difficult for a single mom to raise kids in India - my mom did, and did it well. There's always a choice. What you choose is eventually a matter of much deliberation, but don't forget this - NEVER think of yourself as a victim, for the day you do, you have given up your power to choose. Don't do this. I like to see you stand tall and embrace life. A child would never appreciate the sacrifices of his mother if he finds her broken and embittered because of it, because a child always wants a mother who is a pillar of strength. How do I know this? Because I was that child once. And mom went through what you are going through now. We thought she was whiny and self-centred when she was making those sacrifices (I am not ashamed to say this), because those sacrifices took their toll on her. Later, when she took charge of her life, we could really watch her bloom. I like to see my mother smiling confidently and loving life. I'm sure Kriish does too. I'm with you, Pratibha. I know you will come out of the mire.

Posted: Dec 16, 2008

You have left me with a heavy heart indeed. There is absolutely no reason for a woman to be treated in this manner NOR is there absolutely any reason for a woman to accept this behavior and treatment!! As Urja has said... you ALWAYS have a choice. I say... Don't live this unacceptable life to try and save the "white picket fence" dream.

May Christmas and the New Year richly bless you with a bright, new direction and path to happiness.....Jerry

Posted: Dec 16, 2008

This was very moving, its so true that history tends to repeat itself in terms of some generations of women and no, it is not fair that people should expect so much from the strong, and heroic, people in our lives that are our mothers. I guess I am lucky to have such powerful female figures in my life. I wish you all the best!

Posted: Dec 16, 2008

Honestly honey I am having the worst time trying to respond to this. I am sorry it is taking me so long.
This write is full of anger, resentment, revenge and self pity.

As Urja says we do have choice we always have choice.
even in suffering it is in the way in which we see it, and raise above it.
Are we victims or are we having an experience that we can change and grow from?

If indeed as this poem suggests we are victims then we may as well just give up. Whats the use???

We are not victims and until we realise that, we will continue to suffer endlessly.

Women should not "NEED" Love. Women ARE Love.
when this is realised fully there will be no unecessary suffering.

The part where this write suggests the answering to god disturbs me. It is suggestive of punishment by a power higher than oneself. This is impossible and a total ignorance that has gone on far too long.
People who suggest such things are sadistic in nature.
I'm not saying you are BUT the problem exists and we should not feed it!

So you see where I am at? I did not wish to say anything to upset you.
And now maybe I have.

Posted: Dec 16, 2008

debate? uh-oh lol.
Firstly let me say that I LOVE what you said about Resliance. What a beautiful way to see.

ok yes I know we all have God in us. I do know.
this is what I meant by the statement;
it is very infuriating to me to hear Christians speak about a God that is Angry, Judging and Punishing.
Judging and punishing both stem from shame.
Anger and shame are very negative aspects of human behavior. So low on the scale of consciousness that they cause disease and death. So there you see why it perturbs me so. God is not human with negative emotions, that is obsurd.

When the personality is finally integrated with the soul after many, many life times it is then aligned properly and can be consumed by the Holy flame. (no-one is sentenced to hell)
yes of course a person suffers. people suffer endlessly life after life after life after life.
until there is enough light for the soul to guide the personality. until then the peoples go on somewhat blinded.
They are anchored (if that word is appropriate enough) in the personality.
Honey I am getting tired here lol. And I don't make my point too well...

sorry about all this babbeling on and on.
really should not be turning this into such a large porportioned talk. anyway you seem to have had a coming out of sorts and a "Resiliance" haha love that word in your thoughts after writing this.
I am sorry about using the words self pity I only noticed them in the lines here that say; "why me why me" only you may not have meant them personally but the way in which many many woman see themselves.

Truly we do have to feel sorry for them Prati because jsut imagine if we are still semi blinded how much more unable were they to see?
I was stuck in a bad marriage too once upon a time.
I will tell you about it some time lol.
but its too long a story for here....

ok sorry about all. Now you have to write something else for b/c I can feel the inspiration starting to bubble in you ^_^ am I right?

Posted: Dec 17, 2008

Great argument! I agree with you when you say "Every woman needs the minimum love to survive" , that it is true. But there's a great question , why women still live with a man who ignore and attack her? Economic situation, emotional and fisical dependence or she just like it! I don't agree with all these issues above, but i see more and more time that many women sell themselves like a piece of meat, expolsing there dignity and morality. Have you watched the " Girls of Playboy mansion ?" How can some woman ask for respect once that the girls prefer take a shortcut than do the right thing: study, work hard, show the self valour as many of yours do here in the booksie.
I'm not saying that all girls are this way , but we have to teach our boys how to behave when they've got a great woman by their side.
Women a great professional and very competent, but while the women don't understand that all changes come from them , the situation will not change.
Here in Brazil , we have a Woman Police station, we have the Maria da Penha's law , that protect women victim of domestic violence, and many other projects but women have to look for help.
Great argument , and that is a great start to solve this problem.

Posted: Dec 17, 2008

i am back from school and exams. i love this.everything you wrote here is true but as some of the commentaers said we have a choice

Posted: Dec 17, 2008

Counselling in marriages isn't always the answer.
Sometimes, things are just DONE and OVER already. Beyond counselling. Can you really change a persons mind? They have to change it themselves. And, if there is no devotion to change it, then counselling seems futile.

This is excrutiating in self pity, but it is written cleverly to show that self pity.

Now, like a phoenix, it's time to rise, Pratibha.

Posted: Dec 17, 2008

We live in a society where women are supposed to be treated differently but in alot of home there is the archaic notion of feeling trapped and because my child. But I wonder if staying put and trying to make these things work is really teaching children it is a good thing. I see both side of this fence daily. When a person finds the things they are searching for how do they know the right decisions to make. Sometimes sacrifices become greater than the rewards. I do appreciate bringing light onto a subject that we all face. I think the words are beautiful and so true.

Thank you,
Take Care,
Anastasia

Posted: Dec 17, 2008

Wow Pratibha. Now that makes me guilty at some level. Your poem made me think about whether I am treating my mother and my wife in the manner in which they deserve to be treated? They have showered so much of love and affection on me that I will always remain indebted.

Wonderfully written as always. Passionate and Expressive!

Posted: Dec 17, 2008

Hiiee di!!!I liked d comparison with flowers!!!A beautiful metaphor.

Posted: Dec 18, 2008

Hi Pratibha

This was very sad but also very true. First of all, I have to disagree with Air. Women are love yes, but just like everyone else, they do need love. Not just from a man. From everyone. What is a life without love? There is no greater accomplishment for a woman to look back and see she was loved by her husband and her children for raising them and taking care of them.

My mother fell into that trap just after her divorce from my father. She made men her whole life and would do anything for them while they beat her and cursed at her. No man is ever supposed to treat his wife/girlfriend like that. There is no excuse. Unfortunately or fortunately, women were created to be the softer sex. It’s much easier to break us down and for a woman to believe she is worth nothing. The only thing she’s good for is to produce babies, satisfy men and cook. My mother is one of those women. It’s a very sad, sad story. She turned to alcohol just before her divorce from my father and everything went downhill after that. She still drinks to this day and she’s basically a doormat to her boyfriend who beats her and keeps on telling her she’s nothing. Yes, yes it’s her own choice to be treated that way but I think after 20 years of abuse from different men, she believes all of it.

I’ve been in one mentally abusive relationship and let me tell you; some men take their authority too far. I was a prisoner. And the thing is you don’t know how to get out of it. Men abuse their power. I was brought up as a Christian and I believe to this day a man has authority over his wife BUT!!!!! authority over decisions that can compromise their faith and their family. A man is the head of the household but the moment they get married, they are one. Partners. The man is supposed to value and listen to his wife’s opinion. He should let her keep herself. Once a woman loses her personality and herself in a man or in a marriage, it’s so difficult to ever be the same again. Boundaries need to be set and compromises made. How can a woman who lost herself take care of a family? It’s supposed to be a blessing and a joy, not a job.

Both the man and the woman are to be blamed. Woman, for not standing up for yourself!! Never ever loose who you are!!!!!

Man, for abusing your authority and not giving your wife the respect she so much deserves.

Hon, I don’t know if this is going on in your life at the moment, but if it is, hold on, keep faith in God because HE sees what you do. You will be rewarded. Someone once told me, it’s a hard thing to accept but the only praise we’ll ever need is from God. Not from a human. But we are human, aren’t we? And we crave for that recognition and love.

This was the longest comment I’ve ever written and I can go on and on because this subject is very, very close to my heart. Check out my poem “Do they see” and you’ll see how I feel about this.

If you ever need to talk, drop by my page. You are a brilliant mom and a gorgeous woman.

Love lien

Posted: Dec 18, 2008

You deserve so much more.

Posted: Dec 18, 2008

nicely expressed poem

Posted: Dec 19, 2008

Hello Prati,

So many wonderful comments and so much for you to think about. I really liked what Urja had to say and would second it, though I can also see how people (men too) lose confidence in themselves and become immobilised by their situation.

While you seem to feel that counselling has not helped you, it is meant to help people regain confidence in their ability to make decisions about their future and if they decide to stay, to understand clearly what conditions need to be met to make the relationship work for them.

Alternatively, if the person decides to leave the relationship they "should" be helped to end it in a way that does least harm to all concerned, especially the children.

I know that you often feel alone but do remember that you have a Fan List of around a hundred people and the warm comments that are so often made about your work shows how kindly so many Booksians think of you.

I think of you ofen and will write further Offline.

Kindest regards,
Susan

Posted: Dec 19, 2008

Got people talking again? :) I'm glad to be back on Booksie to read your excellent work once more. Best wishes. - D.Azir

Posted: Dec 19, 2008

(sigh) don't know why I feel I have to explain my comment but here goes: when I spoke of women being love I never said we didn't need it, of course we do. I only said we shouldn't need it. If we could connect with it inside but so many think it is 'out there' somewhere. Love flows through every corpusle and every vein but we block the frequencies. (so many of us have fear based realities)
Love is a Very powerful attractor feild. And when we become that (when it is fully realised) we attract it to us. Not only is it attracted to us so we would not ever 'need' it because it would always be there BUT we would see it in everything and everyone.
ok then Love makes the world go round' ? lol

Posted: Dec 20, 2008

I so agree with Katie's last comment. Kudos to her for being able to put into words what I always believed but could not expresses so eloquently.

Posted: Dec 20, 2008

Prati,

I think that you are missing something, somewhere. You have drawn 109 Fans with your warm and loving nature and most comments made on your work mentions this special quality that you have.

I think perhaps that you are the only person who can't see this. Maybe the way forward is to remind yourself of this daily until you just accept it and then perhaps the things that Katie mentions will just happen.

Susan

Posted: Dec 20, 2008

Wow, powerful and dramtic and raw with emotion yep.... I liked it... Frank :)

Posted: Dec 21, 2008

You are loved Pratibha.
Perception is the problem.
There's a rainbow always after the rain. :)

May you be blessed this coming holidays mom.
STAY STRONG BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE.
God bless you always.

-alex

Posted: Dec 22, 2008

Hey Pratibha,
This poem speaks volumes!!!!Abuse is something that women should forever fight....the pain is clearly felt in the poem!Good job pal!

Posted: Dec 22, 2008

HI,Pratibha,i like your poem and i like this sentence"Every woman in this universe needs love, care, pampering, recognition and respect for being a woman" ,you are a great writer.

Posted: Dec 23, 2008

Pratihba I am dumbfounded (well almost) you have a huge open loving heart and yet you allow this? We have choices, we can exercise these choices. Yes it is painful but for our own sakes - we are deserving of a life outside a man who would treat us so. And I have to add, that sometimes we allow others to do this as we do not prevent it, stop it in the bud so to speak. I had a relationship like this and after 25 years I left. Yes it was so hard but I blossomed and realised a lot of potential |i did not realise I had. Do you know, I never even thought I actually had a sense of humour until I left him?

You will discover so much more of who you are if you allow yourself to change rather than wait for him to

Much love from someone else who has been there and gone through it and come out the ohter side into the 'light'

all my love and fondest wishes for a love filled bright future


(((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Vee
xx

Posted: Dec 24, 2008

So true. But very few of us are actually concerned, when it comes to thinking about other women. Appreciable work. Keep it up. LOL.

Posted: Dec 24, 2008

Hi my dear friend! This is a GREAt poem. I miss talking to u! How have u been? I have written a new story and I would be grateful to hear what u'd say about it. I hope u and ya son will have a great and healthy new year. I hope to talk 2 u soon.
Sincerly,
Jessica

Posted: Dec 30, 2008

I know I have commented on this piece before, however I insensitively deleted all my past comments. This is a remarkable piece, and completely heartfelt. I loved it. Thank you for sharing it with so many.

Posted: Jan 1, 2009

as always, you always put a certain depth into your poems that make us think:) well, i've not yet fully grown to feel every emotion you placed here, but still i could connect myself with it. women should never give up because of discrimination in any way. just live and unite. besides the people who hurt us are the very ones who need us:) great poem Pratibha *kisses*

Posted: Jan 2, 2009

I am Just Speachless...Juliet

Posted: Jan 6, 2009

Very nice Pratibha... I must agree with 99.9% of it as a happy and totally blessed human being. My mother has lived her whole life like this... sacrifice after sacrifice without any expectation.... It is lovely and breathtaking how beautifully you have summarised our usual life and attitude. (yes..yes i am not so good and don't want to be ha ha but this is simply beautiful)

Posted: Jan 9, 2009

Wow, truly such deep emotion. From one woman who has experienced such in a marriage I can certainly relate to this sadness of being a woman. I arose to change and did. However, moving on, pressing forward was hard, but I had the strength to do just that, for my daughter and my sake only. I have certainly lived life and all it's tough challenges. One marriage in which he tried to belittle, use, disprespect, tear down and physcially, emotionally, mentally play games to destroy. I would not stand for it any longer. I could not live like this the rest of my life. So experience of such a marriage for only 3yrs was enough to say I will TAKE NO MORE!! I've had to live with such agony of his cruelty for the past 10yrs. He still attempts to drag me down, also his daughter. Living with court case attempt after court case of trampling me in the ground. I've learned to hold my head up high, and no I am all woman WATCH ME ROAR!! But the sweet revenge is my SWEET INDEPENDENCE, INTELLIGENCE, AND HONESTY DEMEANOR. He can't stand such a thing. So this is the best I have in order to make my life and my daughters the best we can live.
We have love, respect, and forgiveness in which helps us to move on.

I love this write Pratibha, and you will stretch out and reach to the sky, and sing with the rivers in your success!! I know you will, and can!! Much Love for you.

Posted: Jan 11, 2009

Pratibha, I have been trying to come up with a comment to add to the many here. My mother stayed. She told us once she wished she had left 25yrs earlier...I calculated quickly to realize at that point, I would not have existed if she had left. But she stayed and curled into a shell where for many years she only let people outside the family in. She belonged to religious groups and had many friends, but she didn't share in my life growing up. I didn't care as a teen (I thought to heck with it then...), but now it's hard. And something that can never be rebuilt. I don't have children now because I fear I won't be emotional or otherwise available to them. It's a legacy I refuse to repeat. This being said, I think of my mother and her pain. The pain so many feel as they are trapped in a life they believe they are "supposed" to lead. What does one do in this world? You find a mate, get married, have children, raise them etc etc. Sure those things are fine if they work for you. If that life speaks to you. If you are blessed enough to find a partner to share the journey. It's ok to realize one day that you aren't on the path that's best for you. If your heart is aching, your child will know. And he will take some of that pain and make it his own even if he doesn't understand why or what it is. **Big Hug** You are strong. Your spirit has awakened to the knowledge that you want something different. You need something "better." Think about what they tell you on a plane...take the oxygen for yourself and then your child SO you can SAVE them too. You must take care of you.

Posted: Jan 12, 2009

Oh my God.
I feel like crying. I too had been thinking about the position of a woman in society for a long time. I went through a time when everything, every relationship-whether it was my father, my grandmother,or my uncle-was shattered. and all that happened because I am a girl and my sister is a girl. I could see clearly how men use women for their benefit and turn them out when they protest. they even forget what she did for them, their family and their living.
I cannot recall anything more or it will disturb my peace of mind again.
Great work.

Posted: Jan 14, 2009

Well, I cannot explain everything that happened. But life is still a bed of roses if I compare it with some other girls that have fallen into the hands of fate.

Posted: Jan 14, 2009

WOW! Your inspired piece of work made me think and stirred the nurturing part of me to write a comment for you. Then, I read all the lengthy, thoughtful, insightful comments others have shared before me. Now, I'm really twisted up in knots.

As a man blessed with a wife, a child, and a faith in God, it's a tough road to travel because I've been that man of which you write. I've forgotten just how special and unique she's been in my life because I've been too wrapped up in "me", instead of "we". However, I've also been that woman of which you bring to life with your words because I've felt the same feelings as your female character, especially those of being taken for granted.

I ask you this...

Is there anything you can do with your son, Kriish, to help him learn how he can be different than the kind of men you've described above?

It may not help the immediate situation of this generation, but maybe, your son can learn how to cherish and nurture the women he meets in his life and is blessed to be married with in the next generation?

This isn't written to be insensitive. Sorry if it is taken that way. It's intended to provide some hope for the future. I've read many stories from Jewish survivors during the Holocaust of World War II, and many of them expressed that one of the blessings that helped them to survive their miserable existence was the willpower they possessed because they were motivated to teach the next generation how to change so this current situation would never be repeated.

GRRR...I'm struggling to write what I truly wish to express to you.

However, I'm going to trust and believe that you're intelligent enough to understand what I'm trying to write, even if my own words fall short of the meanings I'm trying to convey.

Keep on keeping on...

Posted: Jan 15, 2009

I think this is absolutely wonderful! But extremely sad as well :( I'm just a teenager, I'm not a sister, an aunt or a mother. I'm just a daughter, so some aspects of this I can't relate to, but there are parts that I can. This probably isn't a good thing but it's nice to be able to relate to someone. As I said I think that this poem is fantastic and touching. It really gets you thinking about things you do and things you see other people do. VERY GOOD JOB!

Posted: Jan 20, 2009

You have covered the full spectrum of
"Woman" with this poem...from the
beginning to-date. Wow! how perfect
that is...Kind regards M.

Posted: Feb 25, 2009