Honey, I think you have made the most sensible decision. I think you have done 100% justice to all three, family, career, passion! One of the ways to happiness is making sensible decisions at the right time and you have done it perfectly. Best to have a balanced life rather than concentrating on one and regretting about the other two, later in life. So buddy, I totally agree with you!

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Pratibha, you seem to have your life pretty much all together. You did the right thing to choose Microbiology over Obstetrician and Gynecology although you would have made a fine one at that. I had a female obstetrician when my first son was born and I was knocked out with anethesia for the birth. I had a female obstetrician for my last child and Josh and I almost died. She panicked during the process. Fortunately, my best friend was with me at the time and praying against the spirit of death and we got through it. But when I went for my 6 week checkup, she made an unusual comment, "I can't believe how easy the baby came out." I replied, because I might have been doped up but I remembered the scrambling around and panick that was going on as his heart beat was dropping and a man doctor said if she wanted him to take over and she said no, that she had it under control. I told her, "If I remember correctly it wasn't as easy as you are saying." I got a bill from the hospital for Joshua for fetal distress. God gave me his name when I worked at the grocery store. As I was checking out groceries, the spirit of the Lord, spoke to my spirit and said, His name is Joshua Caleb. Named after the great leader and Caleb the two spies who went into the land of Canaan and brought back a good report. Tears formed in my eyes as I was trying to ring up groceries and bag and keep my composure. My father was furious that I was pregnant again. My sister told me I should abort. My family was against me having another child at my age. I stood up against my father and my sister and their was bitterness for a while. But it passed. Joshua is called from the womb. I carried him and his life has a purpose and meaning. Even my oldest son was mad when I told him I was pregnant with David, my fifth child. I did not mean to ramble on so, but those were some of the thoughts that have come to me after I read your literature. Love, Susan

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Dear Pratibha, it is interesting that you have put up this opinion article. But really, there is no debate here. It is just a matter of individual and personal choice. What is important for one person might not be that important for somebody else. And a lot of other factors also get thrown in - I would elaborate more as I keep writing comments on this series of memoirs (which, by the way, are very well written). Also, what motivates one person could be different from what motivates another, and each is justified in taking the decision according to what his/her priorities are. So there is no absolute right or wrong here. What is important is how happy a person is with the decision he/she has taken, and if it works for them, then it's the right decision. That's what I believe.

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

If you were my mother, I'd love you for that. Very much!!! ^^ And if I were to have my own family, I'd do what you did. :-)

I have been exposed to extremely opposite environment at home. My mother is the provider. Well, my father does have work but he doesn't earn as much as mom does. He doesn't earn monthly. But, when it comes to the thought of family, it has always been my father who spends so much time making our home VERY HOMELY. I'm not saying he's doing all the chores. But, it's something deeper than that. He always has time to listen, not just hearing, but listen whatever it is that we want to share. His thoughts, his point of view, well, the person that he is makes him amazing as a father and as a husband. I always think how lucky we are to have him in the family. Oh, whenever I talk about him, there's just no stopping me. There are a lot of things to say. In fact, I wrote something about him entitled, THE SUPERMAN. Take it from me, buddy, I get to value and appreciate each person I come to meet, get to build relationship even with strangers because of my father. I get to learn LIFE more fully. He didn't teach me by words. He showed it to me. I love him.

Well, my mom does his share at home. It's just that she's a career woman and she makes most of the earning. I do understand that she gets tired after days of work. When duty calls on her, she's out even during days off, even at midnight. Thus, we only have father to turn to when we NEED SOMEONE around us. The good thing about father is, he never ever demands time from mom just to free himself from being with us.

I'd say that this circumstance brings a sense of balance at home. Also, I get to see better which character I would like to look up to and imitate. ^^

Oh, that was LONG! What can I say? You've brought out a wonderful topic. Thanks for opening this up. I love it! ^^

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

I think your father is an idiot! Not really, but you know what I mean. You were right to do what made you happy and fulfilled!

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

We need to follow our dreams and our hearts, we should not live for anyone but ourselves (not in a selfish way though.)

What I mean is that we need to take care of ourselves first and then we can devote time to others. That's just how I feel anyways.

This is a nice start to your memoir. I be checking out the rest. Great job, thanks for sharing. Ted

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

my GOd!! and i thought u were just a small kid.. :-)Really my mom judged u well.. she had told me that 'this is a mature girl'.
julie there's something in u that i cannot define but i know its nice having it... maybe i wud call it the courage of conviction.. the ability place ur thoughts forward without bothering what the person in front of u will think...
most of us lose out in the race, because we lack this one thing!
keep inspiring!

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

You definitely did the right thing...what's the point in being someone that you're not just to please others? If you do that, you most likely end up unhappy, therefore, you don't perform as well, and disappoint those around you. It's a no-win situation, and I think you chose the best route, even if it was difficult. :)

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

I could see your father only wanted what was best for you, as every parent does ( Or at least they should). But I agree that you did what YOU that was best for you. It's not easy living up to your parents expectations, but then again if you think you won't be happy with them, why do it?

I have this view ( very strange, but makes sense in a way): We go to school to get an education, We need an education to get a job. We need jobs to get money and we need money to survive, But do we really need to survive? Is it just greed? What if I'm not happy with greed? Then what do I do?

Don't get me wrong! I love life! :) But I think a lot. perhaps maybe too much, and these are the things that pop into my head. I am very, very, very, curious. In a way, that's good... but I always remember 'curiosity killed the cat'. Now I'm beginning to wonder if curiosity is a good thing or not.
See? LOl :)

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

hey, you did what was best best for you.. i agree with the above comment: why would you do something that won't make you happy? i understand that almost everyone has this thing about parents' expectations, believe me i've had my share of panicking about it plenty of times, but as long as you communicate with them, it at least gets your point of view across to them.
my parents want me to become a doctor too, and i used to think they were asking too much of me.. but now i realized that they only want what's best for me, and living as a poor family as we were before, i understood why it was important for them to make sure i get a good education and have a good life. it's because they don't want me to live a life of hardship like they experienced.. so now that i'm going into nursing, i'm definitely taking medicine into consideration. and they now understand that i may not agree with what they want for me if i've already figured out what i want to do for myself.. does that make sense? i think i went off on a tangent so i should just end it here =) remember, as long as it makes you happy, then go for it (within reason, of course) =)

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

I must be your opposite as my parents claim i never listen - i burn to learn each time. Luckily for me, I had parents who let me run around in my self-created nut house without reprimand or too much concern, they knew i'd figure it out.

what i hope to give my son is simply the ability to think for himself. if i can do that...

your piece is solid as always - loving, caring and bluntly independent.

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

I struggled with my parents' dreams for me too many years. I even started down the expected path, majoring in biology in college. I burned out after taking mostly electives that peaked my interest and working too many hours with a full courseload. And I've been wandering ever since. Only recently have I set down the guilt and expectations. I am who I am. No more, no less. And I realized I really don't know myself that well because I spent so many years trying to be somebody else.

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

What a journey you've had! And like most everyone else here, of course you made the right decision. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to go against the wishes of your father and choose the path that was right for you.

I know that your father wanted only what was best for you and I'm sure believed he knew what was best. I'm quite certain his desires for your future were steeped in love and a need to protect his child. But if he was anything like my dad, that was often difficult to express and so it more often sounded like an order. I think it is difficult for fathers and it is only now, years later, that I can look back and see that all those "disagreements" were because we each thought we knew what was best for me.

One thing I know for sure. It's not easy to be a parent, at any age, and the hardest part is to let go and let the children decide for themselves. It seems to me though that he did a good job. Look at you now.

How proud he must be. Sheryl

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

hi Pratibha:D you're inspiring me here... you see my dad always wanted me to fulfill his 'ambition' rather than encouraging me to do what i can do. he thought that my choices are going to ruin my futures, and because he's my dad and i listened a lot to him, he makes me worried and unhappy and agitated. i'm in university right now, and am taking science with education. not really my choice of course, since i was hoping i could take up art. but it's a lot better cause my dad kept telling me to take medical despite of the fact that i'm no good and have any confident at all in that area. he doesn't look at what i can do because he kept on worrying... and his worries brushed unto me. i'm afraid to realize my dream because he kept saying to me my future is not certain if i take up any courses involving arts... makes me sad and dejected but i can't do nothing about it yet.

my dad is very important to me, that's why it hurts a lot when he didn't support me at all. i just cling on GOD's blessings rather than my parent's sometimes...

it's very great you did the right thing, that is believing in GOD. you've grown up and matured, and become wiser. a great memoir, Pratibha:) God bless u

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

Wow! thanks for sharing this memoir....i know so much about how u are amazing...well i knew u were amazing but his just beautifies it! haha anyways I love how u found yourself and picking your own career and finding the love of your life and balancing it all out! I really hope in my future i can balance between family, career, and passion also....thanks for writing this...love zia

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

I work at home and even then it is hard to "juggle" (perhaps more so?) work time and family time. I am lucky in that I was mostly at home when the children got home from school, even if I was busy I could take a break to share afternoon tea with them and hear about their day. I am glad that you too have a happy compromise, for some others it is much more difficult, they face leaving their children in child care every day or not making ends meet. Not an easy choice. For others career gets in the way, burning ambition can overtake everything.
Thanks for sharing your memoirs. What a wonderful and inspiring woman you are.

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

You followed your heart mom,
I believe you did the right thing :)

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

'If you love your work,then you will never have to work even a single day of your life.'It was a wise decision that you chose the field YOU liked!!!Can I call you Pratibha Di?
Bye and take care.

Posted: Jul 10, 2008

you know who you are and what you want and need, and are confidant about it. wow, I admire you soooo much! this was great!
Steph(:

Posted: Jul 15, 2008

Hello again Pratibha,

I am a little late but I have just got around to reading the whole of your memoir "FaMiLy Vs Career Vs mY PaSsion" and the comments section where you asked if people agreed with Bubblys comment.

This may surprise you, but I do agree with large parts of what she had to say. You will perhaps remember from a conversation that we had in another place that I believe that men and women are conditioned to act and re-act in the ways that they do and that there is probably a struggle for both to balance their inate wishes and reactions with what is expected of them.

I am a feminist in the original meaning of the word, that is a man or woman who believes in the rights of women. It would be hard for most young Western women today to understand how few rights women really had in the not too distant past and how attitudes have changed for the better.

Today, I feel that these rights mean that many women (though by no means all) can choose to be a career woman, a full time mother or a combination of both. However, I would never pretend that this choice is easy no matter what you choose.

Equally, I feel that men still have many pressures upon them to act in certain ways, one of them being that they must provide for their family no matter what.

In Australia there are employers who provide paid and unpaid Maternity and Paternity leave and there are moves afoot to increase the length of time that this covers but the dilemma remains.

In my latter years I can see a difference in children who have spent large periods of time in childcare centres and those whose parents, usually the mother, have been able to stay at home with them until they were of schoolage. This has recently changed in our state from around five to six to around four to five, which I think is a pity, I would like to see schoolage raised in fact to six and above.

Just as I think that there are men who unquestioningly accept or even expect that women will sacrifice for their comfort I also think that there are women who do the same.

To me it is a question of balance. A couple might choose for one to stay at home in the childrens early years with the knowledge that when this time has passed that they will both work outside the home to contribute to the family's upkeep or the one who was in paid employment might take up further study etc or change careers.

Of course these are all middle class options and ideals and there are many families for whom there is little or no choice. It would be interesting to hear the views of these families and how they manage.

In closing Pratibha, I am sure that few would question your motives or actions when it came to your role as wife and mother. It is obvious that you give whole- heartedly to both!

Posted: Jul 22, 2008