sounds like you had a handle on things.

L ♥

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Dearest Pratibha, what a tough time you had... I'm glad you came out of it and are happy now. Let me share my thoughts regarding this issue of having kids while studying. It is a general discussion based on what I have seen among many of my friends and colleagues and not particularly about your issue - so please bear with some of my remarks which might otherwise sound mean to you.

I do feel that people need to think really hard before having children. Somehow, most people have children because it is just a part of life and of marriage. How many think about how they are going to raise the child after he/she is born? Whether they have time to spend on the child or not, and so on. Similarly about careers - many people choose careers with hectic lives, without realizing the implications it will have in subsequent years of their lives.

I think that your decision to choose Microbiology instead of a busier speciality was a thoroughly thought-out one based on your priorities, and that shows your maturity in thinking and decision-making. But I have one issue with it - why is that it is always the woman who ends up choosing the less glamorous job? How many men would end up choosing, say Microbiology, or Anatomy, or such non-clinical branch instead of the glamorous world of Orthopedics, Surgery, etc, when they know that their future wives are going to be leading busy lives? I'm not a feminist - far from it - but I do like to be objective on this issue.

Other thing is timing of having children. So many of my friends had a miserable time raising their children (and their children had a worse time) since they chose to have them while they were still studying. Could they not have delayed having children? What is the rush? Is having a baby just a 'job' that needs to be 'finished' and 'done with', so that one can put a tick mark against the to-do list of life? I do believe that children should fit into the entire scheme of things, and then and only then should one have them. Otherwise they end up doing injustice to themselves, their work and their children. A child of one of my friends had to be put under observation because he was neglected by his parents (both studying) and ended up indulging in violent, anti-social, attention-seeking behavior. I would rather not have children than have my child go through it.

As I have mentioned earlier, I admire that you were able to evaluate the problems and make a choice. It is immaterial whether people call it a right or a wrong choice - nobody but you can decide that - what is important is that you were proactive in the entire process once you recognized that there was a problem.

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

It's not really easy doing two things at the same time. Being a career woman and a mother is much difficult than proving Fermat's Last Theorem (It's the greatest unsolved problem in the field of Number Theory for 350 years). Sorry for my jargon. ;-) That's just how I desribe it. ^^

One can't just prosper on both fields--at work or at home--as this NEEDS time. So, if you failed at that moment, don't worry, that's part of winning. Learning comes from all sorts of attempts. I think you have already improved that much right now. I may have not known you in person but the way you convey your thoughts tells me how wonderful you are as a mother, as a friend, as a wife---all rolled into one. ^^

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

I know, but how about having a baby before getting into PG if not after? This is just my personal opinion, but I just cannot reconcile the idea of having a baby WHILE doing PG. I guess I have seen too many screwed up children of my colleagues. I have also seen complications arising at work because someone who has a small child suddenly wants to go home - is it fair to make someone else do her work? I know that you used to make sure that your work is completed before you attended to personal matters, but I also know many men and women who behaved in a thoroughly unprofessional manner and dumped their share of work on colleagues under the pretext that their child needed them suddenly. Why should someone else suffer? When I mail you, I will tell you about those specific examples, and you'd be shocked.

Another kid? That would certainly work towards fulfilling that vision I had, remember? Hee hee...

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

I can't believe you thought you were the world's worst mom. I think you're an excellent Mom and I can't possible imagine you being otherwise. By the way, does Kriish still have iron defficiency anemia? because a friend on mine had it when she was little and had to take this horrible orange medicine. She still has it today, so I'm curious about Kriish. I'm glad you passed the exams though.

P.s I blame the cook for the Anemia. *tsk tsk*

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

You are an inspiration simply for revealing yourself. I was pregnant and pursuing the final yr of my Masters - nothing more in the world did i want than to curl and sleep till it was all over.

But you know thru all the doubts - single parenting, job security and job flexibility, money?, support? from friends and family, i realised the simplest thing from my unborn baby. There is never a "right" time - there is only now. There is a verse in the Bible where God says "I am that I am" and i finally understood it then.

My son simply was. And everything, especially me had to change to prepare for and deal with that. Four years later he is still changing me. I am not a career demon but i want to be successful, i am not mommy extraordinaire (like a stay at home mom might be) but he loves me with everything he's got.

I could not create a more perfect life for myself than the one he's given me.

As such, i disagree about there being a right time for having children. It is up to us who are already here - fathers and mothers to respond to the challenge of their birth.

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

you've been into so many hardships. but you've got the strength to move on, find the solutions rather than dilly-dallying:)

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

Mom, I look up to you so much.
Don't ever give up on anything! :)

Posted: Jul 5, 2008