THE HYGIENIC HIPPIE

(if you are not on the same page as me, you are wasting my time)

Take your clothes off.

Shave your head.

Or if you’re losing your hair rapidly, let the going go, like me.

Get a deep, deep, deep tan that people say won’t suit you.

Have some more butter.

Pile on the cheese.

Eat all the nuts you want. Invite the Diarhea.

Compliment someone’s backside if you like what you see.

Be proud of your erection as it pokes through your trousers.

Be proud of being a Pussy Licker/Sausage Jockey.

Be proud of all your bastard children and your un-born bastard child.

Buy your mistress some diamonds. Tell her just how much you love her talented tongue.

Be proud of your sagging, old- lady breasts and scream bloody murder whenever you pass by a plastic surgeon’s sprawling/resplendent establishment.

Hurl a rock with a note attached to it saying: I AM BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, WORDS CAN’T BRING ME DOWN.

(Christina will be popping her tarts from pride at your audacity)

Get/become someone’s bitch when you get thrown in the slammer. I hear there are perks ;0)

Talk to your tiny penis. Say: I love you Junior, regardless!

Grab that belly fat/turkey neck. Wiggle it, jiggle it, but, Gosh Darn, just love it already ;)

Display your crooked/yellow teeth to the world with the biggest smile you can manage. If you have a few missing, you get extra points. Just for being extra hot ;)

Wear a tee that states : I LOVE MY ENAMEL…IT’S THE STRONGEST AND TOUGHEST PART OF ME! IN YOUR FACE, BONES ;)

Kiss all the ‘imperfect’, patchy, ‘ugly’ skin on your body. As much as you can get your hands on.

Declare: I LOVE THE SKIN I’M IN!

Look at the joints where your arm(s)/leg(s) should have been.

Tell yourself you are fine just the way you are. Sure, you can’t do all the things you wish you could but what you’ve got is what you’ve been allowed for now.

FYI, you’re not missing out on very much. Them healthy and fit dumbasses are still complaining how their life’s incomplete.

I AM NOT MY BODY.

MY BODY IS A VESSEL FOR ME.

I OWN MY BODY FOR NOW.

I OWN MY MIND FOR NOW.

I DON’T KNOW WHERE I’M HEADED WHEN THIS LIFE’S OVER, AND RIGHT NOW, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

HERE IS GOOD

HERE IS BEST.

I CHOOSE TO SMILE NOW.

I CHOOSE TO UTILISE THE NOW.

I AM THINKING, I AM ANALYSING, I AM PROCESSING.

MY DECISION IS WHAT MATTERS, WHAT WORKS FOR ME AND NOT WHAT YOU THINK AND WANT ME TO FEEL.

I LOVE ME!

RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!

GO TO HELL! ALL THE GIGGLERS, NUDGERS, NAY-SAYERS, WHISPERERS, PRETENDERS.

I AM TAKING BACK MY LIFE!!!!