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MET MYSELF NEAR A LEMON TREE

Poem By: Pratibha
Editorial and Opinion


This poem-story is aimed for our teenagers to learn from our experiences and NOT to commit the same mistakes as we did and it INVITES all of you to SHARE your ideas on DE-STRESSING...
It also incorporates 3 challeges in this -
1. Laurel - the cover snap of a Mom and a child - a place called heaven is in a MOM's lap...
2. Jessica's - Fav colour = orange and theme= Joy and
3. Kitkat123 = Fav colour orange and 3 words - Sunshine, restaurant and Baseball...
I have divided this poem-story into 2 parts so that no one falls asleep in between a long poem-story...
I wish i could write "SHORT" and sweet entries...may be next birth...LOL...

Please do share your ideas and opinions on De- stressing.... View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Sep 10, 2008    Reads: 136    Comments: 40    Likes: 7   


I found myself sleeping soundly in my Mom’s lap...oblivious of future...
I found myself playing with orange, vibrant, naughty sunshine in my Mom’s garden...amidst the bed of roses and chrysanthemum...alt
I found myself following Mom in every room holding her Saree...

I found myself snoring under my favourite lemon tree...the lemons with awesome aroma taking away all my anxiety...

alt

I found myself figuring out a way for climbing a mango tree in Grandpa’s garden...

alt

And then running for life when a bunch of monkeys did not like that idea...
I found myself fighting with my kid sister and then repenting till today...
I found myself leading my cousins and sister through a plan to steal guavas from Mr Krishnamurthy’s garden...
I found myself growing up and forgetting all these tiny weeny pleasures...
And getting entangled in false interpretation of love through loads of Mills and Boons...
I found myself as a wife, a mother and amidst loads of turmoil...wondering restlessly in a restaurant...
Even though I have revived my soul through my son’s childhood...still how much of my worries am I dumping on him subconsciously...how much??
I found myself thinking whether the orange sun could come and play with my son as his baseball...to take away any trace of negativity from his life... alt
I need to change myself ...I have always known that, tried that and failed...
I want to give up, and stop trying to be a super woman...
I am dead already...lost already...whom are you searching for in my dead body...??


7

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Comments:

i hope this makes sense though it is again my comfort zone theme presented in a different approach...i hope it makes sense...and please do not forget to share your ideas of DE STRESSING at HOME itself ...
i sure am apprehensive as if my baby is going to take exams...
i just hope - it makes some sense and opens the discussion panel...on one of the most discussed issues...
I forgot to mention to READ lots and LOTS of books...apart from 'course' books...Books on topics which one has never tried before...strangely enough, Books on nutrition and exercise create strong positive waves in our frontal lobe...

So, what are we waiting for...GRAB any book and/or magazine and READ,make COLLAGES from colourful pictures in magazines and hang them...

TRUST GOD...TRUST HIM WITHOUT A SINGLE QUESTION...

Posted: Sep 10, 2008

i hope this makes sense though it is again my comfort zone theme presented in a different approach...i hope it makes sense...and please do not forget to share your ideas of DE STRESSING at HOME itself ...
i sure am apprehensive as if my baby is going to take exams...
i just hope - it makes some sense and opens the discussion panel...on one of the most discussed issues...
I forgot to mention to READ lots and LOTS of books...apart from 'course' books...Books on topics which one has never tried before...strangely enough, Books on nutrition and exercise create strong positive waves in our frontal lobe...

So, what are we waiting for...GRAB any book and/or magazine and READ,make COLLAGES from colourful pictures in magazines and hang them...

TRUST GOD...TRUST HIM WITHOUT A SINGLE QUESTION...

Posted: Sep 10, 2008

Hello Prati,

I was reading along with a vision of you as a mischievous child without a care in the world and then I came to the last few verses and the chilling end.

Is this really how you feel at the moment ?

Susan

Posted: Sep 10, 2008

Author Comment:

yes, NONNA, i am feeling that way since a long time now...i get jealous when i see some one getting hugs ..i feel angry too...
i am sure slowly with my friends' help at booksie, i would come out of that strange feeling of loneliness and lack of self esteem...i am sure.."THIS TOO SHALL PASS.."
and see GOD gave me YOU...

this is certainly a grim turn for you, Julie. prose is required for this one. you need to explain why so stern an approach after the carefree first lines.

i hope u know that that the little minx of the first few lines never truly goes away no matter how many times disillusioned as an adult

Posted: Sep 10, 2008

Author Comment:

yes buddy...those days are keeping me together...i guess...they keep me going...after all - have to revive and survive...

looking forward to ur ideas on -DE-stressing....do come back honey...

I liked this a lot. It made me think about how complicated my life is now, and how I want to return to the sweetness of childhood.

As to the topic of De-stressing, I think the best way for me is to pour my heart and soul out into a story or poem. I guess that de-stressing is something that everyone does differently.

Now I really want a lemon tree in my backyard... :)

Posted: Sep 10, 2008

Author Comment:

yes, u r right...the concept of de stressing sure is different for all of us...and isn't it lovely to know about the various approach....
LEMON tree is heaven..how i wish i had now...
THANKS FOR COMING...THANKS buddy

Dear Pratibha I too found the carefree colour and beauty of your childhood expressed so clearly and beautifully - like a warm breath of sunshine washing over me - contrasted with your current uncertainty and loss of way very, very sad. It chills me even more because, probably in a different way (one can never assume to be in another's shoes) I know the contrast between childhood joy and innocence and a shift to a lonely world where despite the warmth of a child and some people who care you don't feel "right". I still have those days (read my response to Bubbly about depression.) Today in fact was one, everyone is off doing "their thing" - I am not sure what "my thing" is right now, today. I seek solace in words and dear booksie friends but an "old" friend/alias enemy returned briefly.
So my reply is not so cheerful and encouraging, but sometimes Pratibha (I sense it in your poem) we don't want only cheerful and encouraging. We want someone else to let us know we are not the only ones who have lost to an extent the joy of living and the need to regain it, feel again that the most difficult challenge is no more than "figuring out a way for climbing a mango tree in Grandpa’s garden".
I love, love, love this poem Pratibha for its honesty, its beauty, its sadness, its reminder, its expression of you.
But I wonder who we search for? Why don't we see the beauty others see? I see you as the most wonderful, caring, vibrant, warm, loving beautiful soul. I don't have to searh. The words you write show me your aura is everywhere. This poem with its beautiful pictures, warming colour and sunny memories tell me you have within the glow of life. It only needs you to know where to turn on the switch and you will find it too. It eludes me often but on days when the birds sing and the sun shines and warms me (like the first part of your poem)I know I must never give up or not believe I have no value here.
Sorry, one of those intense days, I sound like I am preaching - I wish I could wrap my arms around you Pratibha and tell you how very much alive you are to me.

Posted: Sep 10, 2008

Author Comment:

THIS IS SUCH A LOVELY AND SOUL LIFTING COMMENT...BY THE END OF IT, see ANNA, I AM SO MOVED THAT TEARS ARE ROLLING DOWN MY CHEEKS....
I AM SO GLAD U R IN MY LIFE...

AND WHERE IS MY HUG? *SMILING*

I KNOW IT IS THERE FOR WHENEVER I AM WITH U....via e-HUGS....right buddy...

please stay with me always ...i need you...much much more than u can imagine...honestly...

Ah de-stressing. I welcome other people's views. For many years I took an alternate route that could have killed me. I love to swim now so can't wait for the warm weather here. (I miss it) To potter in a garden is nice, arranging flowers in a vase, can't beat pouring out one's thoughts on paper, walking, relaxing baths - have you a cat? Simply calming down by patting my cat who can see my goodness and kindness inside no matter what is a stress reliever. Some people say to have a "special place" where you can unwind and relax for a few momnts, a seat under the tree in the back yard or in a park, a section of a room with your favourite things around. I feel better already.

Posted: Sep 10, 2008

Author Comment:

YES ANNA, gardening used to be my MOM's fav too....she used to have those huge roses and all seasonal flowers too....she is totally crazy after flowers and i used to water them...when the drops of water dripped slowly...dip ...dip...dip...they used to wash away the dust on petals and leaves and from my soul too....i used to read difficult chapters of my course books in Mom's garden...

Nope, ANNA, no cats with us...kriish is allergic to furs...lol...

when i would have a home, i would remember to have a room of my own like u have suggested...no entry for anyone...heeheehee..

aww sending hugs your way pratiba :)

first of all, you think you have failed, but a wise man once told me "you didn't fail as long as you tried" and you said you did try, thus you didn't fail ^^

to de-stress i listen to Enya or classical music. its very soothing. bubble baths are great. oh you could also try yoga. i do that sometimes when i'm feeling stressed. i do a few yoga stretches and take a deeeeeep breath and try to clear my mind. writing in a diary or a journal can be very helpful as well ^^ i know whenever i'm stressed i plop down on my bed with my diary and i write my heart out, from every good thing to every bad thing, and just get rid of most of the stress that way. as anna suggested, if you have a "special place" then that would work as well! i find myself escaping to this giant hill not far from where i live. i walk up it, lay down in the grass at night, and just stargaze. its a beautiful sight and it takes away all the stress :) all of these things are very calming and a good stress reliever ^^

sending even more hugs your way :)

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

*HUGGING U TIGHT*.....let all ur words seep inside me...like an ANGEL's....

its a lovely poem with a very sad ending and i send you a huge hug to let you know you are a very special lady . .. how do i de stress at home . hmmm i love to swim . so the swimming pool is an option . i love to read ,, so zola is another option .. i still enjoy a game of soccer and the odd game of cricket .. i'm into team sports because its an experience to share . i love gardening and my greatest love of all . my family . so i have much to be thankful for and very few reasons to feel stress .
terry

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

u r such a warm person...u have listed UR FAMILY to be ur strength....that is really so warm and honest...

I agree with u TERRY, team sports raise our positive vibes...and GARDENING is all time DE-STRESSERS

Currently, i am into swimming and also mild strength training and stretching....( YOGA at home)...i am not consistent with YOGA and hence the problem...should start soon....

THANK YOU SO MUCH,...THANKS TERRY...

Quite often when we look back at our pasts, we don't actually see it subjectively, but instead, recreate it as something wondrous and magical. When we look at it from an adult's perspective, it seems like paradise. But how often, when we were actually ildren, did we really enjoy being young? When you speak to a child, most of the time he will tell you that he wants to grow up fast so that he can have independence and make his own decisions. When we become adults, we need to carry with us that feeling which we had as children, of wanting to grow and not just grow up, and have a better access to knowledge and the ability to convert it to wisdom, and of course, being able to make our own decisions. And then feel happy that we have achieved all of these, to some extent or the other. Of course, lives change as time passes, adulthood bringing more responsibilities, sobering us, sometimes wiping the rosy tint off our eyes. But then why can't we appreciate the new clarity of vision? We want what we have lost or maybe never even had. While we look back at yesterday and sigh nostalgically, our today keeps slipping away from us, relentlessly and inevitably.... and tomorrow we are going to look back at this same today and sigh over it, wondering misty-eyed about how beautiful it was and where it disappeared.

What I would suggest is to stop looking at past and focus on today. Past seems like perfection now, but when it was present, it certainly wouldn't have appeared that wonderful. But it is natural (and healthy) to remember mainly the good things about yesterday so that the bad things can no longer hurt us. Similarly, today has its downs, but doesn't it have its ups as well? Look back to a time fifteen years ago - what did you want out of life? Don't you have at least 90% of those things? Or even 75%, or at the worst, 50%? Isn't even 50% a 'pass' class? Then what if you have achieved 80% of your goals - can't you claim to have achieved distinction? Look at it, look objectively. You will find many reasons to be happy about in your present reality. There will be things to be unhappy about as well, but why focus on them? Focus on what you have.

As long as you remain aware that you always have choices in any given situation, ALWAYS, you will feel empowered. When we feel trapped and think that we have no choices, it is not a fact that a choice is not really there, it is just that we avoid looking at hard choices. Are you doing that in life right now? Sometimes hard choices are the best choices if we acknowledge them in the first place.

Regarding destressing, I agree with all that Anna and Alice have written. My mantra for destressing has always been to have a 'Me Time' and never feel guilty about it. If you can't love yourself, nobody else will love you either. So love yourself, pamper yourself, indulge yourself, go wild at times... but always keep your feet firmly grounded. That is the way I destress. What I do is not so important to me, but how I do is.

This is a very interesting topic to discuss and I'm sure we will all have much to learn from eachother.

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi Buddy...i agree with all u said...yes i did have some tough times when i was young, looking back on those make me shiver like the days of my MBBS and MD...those were nightmares....
During MBBS times, sanjib was the respite...young love...heeheeehee....had real fun rebelling the fact that 'dating is bad according to PAPA'....
during MD times, kriish was born and i had no time for him...one hell of a journey that was...
i am indeed grateful for my TODAY...should concentrate on what i can do instead of what was not done or why others' be responsible for my happiness....this medicine has indeed sapped my spirits.
Thanks for reviving that buddy...hope u r back...!!

In my comment, I meant 'objectively' instead of 'subjectively' in the first line... stupid slip of keyboard! I hate it when I do this, ugh!

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

lol...u r upset...please don't be...it is okay...

And oh, I wrote 'ildren' instead of 'children'! What's wrong with me!

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

nothing is wrong with u buddy...it's okay...

ok this is good but it's different from what i am used to you writing. but it's good. as for destressing.
i usually listen to music up beat or classical music.
bubble baths or warm baths are good,
i write in my journal
i read my favourite type of books which in clude mills and boons lol. watch a good movie not anything fast pace because we are destreessing but a comedy or romantic comedy or romantic movie with a good ending . i relax at the beach or or a garden or lake or a river depends on where i am. anyways hopes this helps

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

Mills and boons....WOW...my Mom's fav...but i guess i started thinking world is like those books describe...lol...not for people like me...mixing fiction with reality...

watching movies is one of my fav too...esp non-mainstream ones and funny ones....even sad ones...any types....

beach !! Lucky u buddy....
yes , of course this helps...surely helps...THANKS BUDDY

Well as I have always said, everyone takes a different practical approach towards releiving themselves through writing or whatever makes the comfortable. But I did like this, as I was reading all I could picture it as a dream and try to imagine the thoughts your writing brought to mine. I saw a golden tree in the middle of the fields with a beam of yellow and gold sunshine. Hehe I liked it ^-^ It brought me speechless by the end of the poem, and took a little while to put into thought on actually what I was going to say. It's sort of refreshing, and a little relaxing to read. Well written and I hope everything is going well for you. Take Care! ;-)
~Ant

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

a golden tree in the middle of the fields with a beam of yellow and gold sunshine.

such a wonderful thought...from a lovely soul...thanks honey...was a bit sad at the end...isn't it??
that's the way i was feeling of late...hope to see SUNSHINE soon....

aww, it's okay. i hope you can answer my email soon.

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

THANKS BUDDY...will write soon

Oh, Oh, Ohhhh, did I enjoy this poem ^_^
lemon trees and mango trees, monkeys, grandpa and mamas lap ^_^

Oh this was SUCH a wonderful poem. The end is very strange: 'whom are you searching for in my dead body'
it as if you are talking to spirit which wants to come in saying: 'there is no use'
We can go there to that point of apathy and denial but we can not stay there, we have to come out. You will, it just is taking a little time that's all.

To destress, mostly I believe that all the parts of you need to be cleansed and cared for: physical, emotional, mental, spirittual but in this fast paced world it is not easy. When I go for walks I REALLY, REALLY enjoy them, I mean I just talk to everything lol, the squirrels, cats, dogs, universe, my self, and all along I am so totally smiling and adoring the beauty and the rhythms and the energy and and oh oh oh, I feel the sounds of those hot bugs (sekadas)??? and they vibrate all the way through me lol ^_^

oh but meditation of course and if not at least place your awareness inside your body and open up the heart and even still try to see Jesus in front of you with yellow gold light emanating from him to you.
When a connection is made with the universe it works for you adn all thoughts just automatically happen. ya I know its weird like that but the other day I said to myself: Oh wouldn't it be grand if when I get to Mpls I find a Cardinal feather. I didn't give it another thought and guess what? yes sure enough today I looked down and there, there it was, and so of course imediatley there is thanks to the universe,,,see? communication with that in which you do not see. Aknowledge that in which you have faith otherwise what good is it to even have faith?
I think why do so many say they have faith and yet they do not even speak to it?

hmmmmmm, hey this has gotten quite long,,,ya so I have missed you all, I am in Rochester waiting for Pam and at 5 we will head home and be there by about 9 or 10.
my kittys might not let me if I do not have a treat for them hehehehe ^_^
I Love Pratibha/Julie
always hugs and more bigger hugs still
~katie

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

YES katie, ur presence in MY LIFE is GOD gifted...THANKS...
I am sure u have brought some snaps for me...too...
U did get the Cardinal feathers,,,...!!! NOw that is MIRACLE and love from GOD for you since u feel everyones' agony and reach there as soon as possible...
with ur hugs around, i have nothing to worry till i die...
kittys' will be waiting for u too....they would be 'like...Where is KATIE?"

hey I rly liked it..... but i think distressing is rly hard. I loved this peace a lot, *hugs pratibha tightly ^^

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks SARA...*HUGS U BACK*...thanks...me feeling better for sure...

Something In Hindi :Zindagi Ek Safar Hai Suhana
Yeha Kal Kya Ho Kisne Jaana
Hanste Gaaten Jehan Se Guzar
Duniya Ki Tu Parwah Na Kar
Muskaratein Huein Din Bitaana.

In sum , life is nothing but ups and downs devoid of substance .So, it's time to rise above sorrows .

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

U R SO SO RIGHT ...the wordings of that song are so wonderful and the movie is meaningful too...
THANKS ARVIND...i am glad u could make i through....
ur comments r indeed invaluable for me...

Hello again Prati, I've just re-read your Comment .."THIS TOO SHALL PASS.." and was reminded of another saying "The only way out of this is THROUGH it" In case you didn't see the last comment that I put on FunnyBunny's article I am reposting it here. "Yesterday (7 Sep 08)I heard a radio interview regarding handling depression. The description and Web address where you can hear the interview follow. The points that came out of the author's (who deals with depression himself) study were that the two most successful strategies were exercise followed by family and support. "After a mighty struggle with depression, Graeme Cowan has written the handbook he wishes had existed in his own hour of need. He wants people to know that the illness does pass and that indeed, many people feel their lives are better after their illness than they were before it. Their values change - they appreciate simply being well, that's enough to make it a good day! Graeme Cowan's book is titled "Back from the Brink, Australians Tell Their Stories of Overcoming Depression" http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2007/06/18/1954128.htm


Susan

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

I AM GOING TO visit that website for sure...that sounds AWESOME...

I NEED HUGS FROM U TOO SUSAN...I AM SURE U R THERE WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES...

Have just discovered that he has a Web site and that his book is free as an Ebook.

Graeme Cowan
http://www.iambackfromthebrink.com/

" I decided to start this site after overcoming a five year depression my psychiatrist described as the worst he had every treated. If you are depressed, or know someone who is, I invite you to share a series of strategies proven to help people overcome depression. This information is not just based on my own experience, but on a survey directly asking over 3000 people treated for depression what it was that helped them most in battling their depression…

Susan

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

CAN I?? Can I too??
I would love to share my experience and be of some help if I CAN..THANKS for trusting me buddy...i know i can do it since u have believed in me...thanks Susan...

Graeme COWAN's Bio:

'While my wife slept beside me, and my young daughter was in the next room, I made the incredible decision to choose death." So says Graeme Cowan, describing the suicide attempts that led to him being diagnosed with depression.

Cowan was 31. An achiever. Happily married, with a baby barely one year old. But he had recently started a new job in recruitment and was struggling for the first time in his life. "A real cycle began," he says. "I was anxious, I wasn't sleeping but I was still driving myself hard during the day. Looking back, dark thoughts began to come in. Everything seemed bleak. It got to the stage where I couldn't see myself getting any better."

In the dark hours one morning, Cowan reached what seemed to be a clear-headed conclusion: death was preferable to this constant despair. "I tried to hang myself. The cord broke. I got a thicker cord and that broke, too. I got a leather belt. That snapped. Then I decided to call Lifeline."

When his wife woke and asked why he was on the phone, he told her he had tried to kill himself. "She was absolutely dumbstruck. Quite hysterical. She knew I wasn't sleeping, that I was stressed. But she had no idea of the despair I was in. At that time [1988], there was virtually nothing written about depression. I had no idea what was going wrong."

Cowan saw a psychologist, who diagnosed severe depression and booked him into a clinic. He made a rapid recovery and was back at work within two weeks. He became the vice-president of a leading headhunting company and fathered a son. But in 2001 the depression re-emerged, beginning "a five-year nightmare". This time he lost his job, his marriage, his children. "I tried 23 types of medication. I went to hospital four times. I had ECT [shock therapy] on 20 occasions. And I had another suicide attempt."

His suicide note, written on July 24, 2004, is printed as the foreword of his book, Back from the Brink: "My dear family, After 4 long years of battling this illness I just can't take it anymore … Please don't blame yourselves in any way possible for this as there is nothing possibly that you could have done. Love always, Graeme."

Underneath the note, the now-restored Cowan has added: "I understand the despair of depression. This is a book of hope."

What makes Cowan's book different is that it was written by someone who is a victim of depression and also features in-depth interviews with 12 other sufferers - including such prominent and successful people as the former West Australian premier Geoff Gallop, poet Les Murray, painter Margaret Olley, and gold medal swimmers Petria Thomas and John Konrads.

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

NONNA, this is so shocking....OH THANK GOD buddy...after kriish was born, my suicidal tendency just vanished,...what would he do without me....if i die and i would never think again...
but i am sure those who suffer from sever depresssion and not bipolar are helpless...it is not their soul which makes decision...DEMON makes that decision and weak souls give up...i wish i could help in any tiny weeny way...

Hi pratibha:)
you have shown me ur wonderful childhood through ur poem.
Such innocence and such bindaas life...enjoy it in ur son's life. Cherish it and treasure it. Its very precious.:)

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

BINDAAS...for sure and naughty for sure too....lol...had got beaten up for stealing Jackfruit from a nearby temple....heeheeehee...

After class 6th...everything stopped...i became serious....miss those days of wonderful togetherness and play dates and various games and lovely toys...( Priceless)...right??

For destressing, i lock myself in my room for at least half an hour and dance however i like and to which ever song i want. I am the queen and i am the pauper. I am the heroine and i am the comedian. Its a whole different world and i love being there.
I also experiment trying different spices to make a new dish. Ha ha its my family whch has to eat that though.:D
i use my creativity and i paint, make greeting cards or make beautiful scarves.

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

WOW...now that is awesome....simply awesome....u have shared all ur ways and all of them are not only cute but also speak volumes about urself....way to go buddy...thanks

What a wonderful title!! I love the imagery that portrayed! Yee haw! ANd playing with the sun, who'da thunk that up? Well You! Try and catch me if you can! ha ha! This is so beautiful..

Now, you are not dead already....are you kidding me? You've done more in your life than most in an ENTIRE life. I am not a doctor. Nor have I moved across the earth to live. Why don't you light some lemon scented candles? I think that would warm you up for this upcoming cold Canadian winter. And then, dance around in your underwear. Better yet, naked. Who cares? That is definitely what I do to relax. Play some loud music and just dance. And dance.

Your son's childhood will never be like yours, simply because times change and the world evolves with stimulation. My kids will remember their childhood as having an insane mom who sings horribly while driving, dances way too much and they'll also remember that their mother worked damn hard to ensure their safety of emotions. Their mom gave them the freedom to live, just like you are doing for your son. It's a hard job, but you can do it, just like I can do it.

Don't worry for your little dude, because one day when he is 16, he'll ask for your keys to your vehicle and you won't remember the lemon tree! You'll BE his lemon tree.

Absolutely wonderful writing Pratibha....although I read it way differently than most of the comments above me, I read it as you worrying for your son.

What will be, will be. You've got strength, I can feel it...so let it parade proudly.

Posted: Sep 11, 2008

Author Comment:

you know what buddy...i am going to SAVE this forever in my time capsule and when i have a room of my own....MINE alone...not kriish's or sanjib's ....my own room....my fav place to chill out...i would paste all these comments which revive the dull soul by the end of the comment and one starts smiling to oneself....thanks buddy....

Hmm...that dancing naked part is quite interesting.......

YOUR kids are nothing but LUCKY to have a supermom around them to cheer them up, protect them...and love them unconditionally... and that GIRL is YOU...yes u r a GIRL, in early teens, vivacious and with infectious laughter and contagious positivity.....

First of all, I'd like to say how much I liked how you incorpoerated the painting I gave you into this. I enjoyed reading it because it showed me visions of you as a child. following your mother around as most children would and then transitioning into a mischivious child who steals fruit or one who just enjoys a nap under the lemon tree. When you started talking about how yoiu turned for the worse, I got it. You fought with your sister and never made up to start. Then as you grow older, more thingsentangle your life and the circle of life is completed once again when you become a mother yourself. Maybe you have not realized this, but your mother probablly felt the same when she had you. A mother's child becomes her life. She got through it, didn't she? So why can't you? We're all just people who are waiting to turn full circle. Everything before then is just practice.
You can get through anything, I know you can!
-Laurel

Posted: Sep 12, 2008

Author Comment:

I WAS WAITING EAGERLY FOR YOUR COMMENT LAUREL....THANKS A TON
ANd what a lovely thoughtful comment it is....u know what i was in tears to see how beautifully u summarised this poem...my own thoughts were in fog but after reading this, i felt as if i got a hug from u...THANKS...i am glad i took part in the challenge...of urs...THANKS

Hey pratibha,... surely this was an interesting piece...

We all tend to seek rebirth thru our loved ones... but we need to be cautious that we let them be... let them unravel their own lifes... their own loves and demons... we should surely avoid living through them and in the process killing them...

It gets tough sometimes... but look around.. i m sure you will find the strength that u need...

take care ... may god bless you

Posted: Sep 12, 2008

Author Comment:

u r absolutely RIGHT...100%....THAT is why i have promised myself to let kriish have his 'own' version of childhood...my husband gets amazed by my coolness regd kriish....

kriish has a different childhood...no more trees, no more plucking mangoes/lemons/guavas from trees and no more swimming in a pond or no more clay toys...he is in a different world and hence his aspirations would be also different...
like in our childhood days, - only Doctors and Engineers were respected in society and my parents were obsessed that i be a Doctor...i was happy since that is what even i wanted to be....but for kriish, both of us r sure to just let him fllow his dreams even if that means 'modelling'...with only one request - whatever he choses, he should take the responsibility of doing it well ...that is HIS BEST....

I am sure kriish will get the message....we r there to guide and navigate but the journey is his...completely his own....

THANKS BALAJI...u gave me an opportunity to speak up and release my feelings...thanks buddy

Hi Pratibha!!

Nice to 'have you back!' Your poem is wonderfully written, stimulating, tender and hopeful and I loved the title as well!

We can only cling to the past to claim it as our own. We cannot return there and re-live our experiences, but oh my, my, my... we have tomorrow to look forward to!! Tomorrow, we can be anything, become anything or change anything in our life that we want. Always remember that when you are feeling down. Those feeling are only for the moment... You can make tomorrow anything you want it to be.

Now, tonight you need to take some time for yourself and listen to some classical music such as Rachmaninoff or Satie; light a lemon lavender wax tart or candle or two and take a l-o-n-g, warm, bubble bath soak. And then I want you to sit down and write a poem about all the things in life that you love such as your son, a tall, cold glass of fresh lemonade, a country ride, a walk along a garden path... whatever puts a smile on your face!!

Hope you'll be feeling tip-top soon.
Happy days and many, many blessings.....Jerry

Posted: Sep 12, 2008

Author Comment:

Dearest JERRY,
ur comment made my day and i am sure u could also 'feel' that i am saying the TRUTH....to read all the comments filled with love, concern and light, i am FREED of self pity.....
UR comment made me sit up and take notice of things around me...and wonder .'hey, i am losing my today...let the best memories of past be my strength...and let today be mine."
thanks JERRY...i am indeed going to make a long list of all positive things u have suggested and hang it in front of my eyes...and read them when i indulge in self pity....and move on....

Good job my dear friend! How have u been by the way?

Posted: Sep 12, 2008

Author Comment:

i am glad u liked it...i combined ur challenge with ur sister's...i hope it;s okay....i am indeed happy....thanks buddy

hey pratibha i agree with ixluvx2xwritex "As to the topic of De-stressing, I think the best way for me is to pour my heart and soul out into a story or poem. I guess that de-stressing is something that everyone does differently." when i am mad or pissed off and stressed i write a poem....:) i am glad you are okay! im so glad you have posted more stuff...this is awesome and makes you think of ur place in this world....:) love zia

Posted: Sep 12, 2008

Author Comment:

YEAH buddy, u r right...currently i am literally jobless and writing helps me 'vent out' and feel useful when people like and help me write more...thanks for being there 4 me always....i am glad i joined booksie....THANKS TO GOD....

viji
(not registered user)

Dear Partibha

Nice to see you back.Hope things are getting better.Lovely piece.Very moving .You have that in you to describe your feelings so well.But the ending was not what I expected.
Relive your past to learn something to make the present better for the future.I am sure when you were in that "past"it may not have been as carefree.It would be the same in few years time this time would be good to the present then.So Julie chill and enjoy your present because it will be past soon !!!!!!!!!!You are such a wonderful mum to Krish and I am sure he will have a lot to learn from your experiences.But we do have to draw a line at some point and help them discover the world as well guding them whe they need.Why spoil their innocence so soon .Sometimes life is exciting discovering.I don't want to bore you with this preaching,but in short missed you and your creativity.Do write back when you can

viji

Posted: Sep 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi VIJI, what a pleasant surprise !! I am so sorry, i should have informed you regd this post.I am still struggling with this FLU, yaar..Hope to get well soon,fast.I AGREE WITH EACH AND EVERY WORD AND believe me,all the comments are helping me GROW UP...THANKS BUDDY..u have always always come for me..u hardly know me.thanks a ton..

WOW! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. IS THAT THE WORLD OF A MOM? I TOO REALLY FEEL THAT WE REMEMBER OUR LOST CHILDHOOD WHEN WE LIVE WITH A CHILD. I HAD NOT LIVED WITH ANY CHILD YOUNGER THAN 10 YEARS AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING WITH A 3 YEAR OLD. BUT WHEN MY COUSIN(SIDDHARTH-4 YEARS) CAME TO INDIA AFTER SUCH A LONG WAITING, I REALIZED WHERE I WAS LOST. I HAD LOST MY INNOCENCE. THAT'S WHY I WAS COMPELLED TO WRITE SOMETHING ON IT. I WROTE "THE CHILD IN ME".
YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD MOM FOR KRISH THAT I CAN SURELY SAY HE'S VERY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.
I LIKED THE POEM VERY MUCH AND WHILE READING IT, I WAS REMEMBERING MY CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES SIDE BY SIDE. AND IT FELT GREAT.
TAKE CARE...

Posted: Sep 13, 2008

Author Comment:

DEAR RIO, i am sure u r still a child, because u think clearly and innocently.U have nothing to miss sweety pie.Believe me...Kriish is going through tough time due to my treatment and i blame myself for that, Poor thing gets shocked to see me in depression and rage...I am going to stop all the medicines because before i was on medications, i used to get less angry with kriish. But after these medicines,i am getting too much short tempered and i know it is because of them. Mom and Sanjib have agreed to support through this recovery phase. Pray for me, innocent Angel.

Last year was very bad for me. It was the worst year I've ever passed through. I had some family problems and they had reached the courts. but I got consistent help form my best friend. she asked me everyday whether i was okay and suggested me ideas. i was back on track only because of her. otherwise, i'd have been mad by this time and i would not have been here in booksie. never...
Thanks my best friend...
Thanks God...

Posted: Sep 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Is that best friend PARUL? MAY GOD BLESS U AND ALL MAY GOD ARRANGE FOR ALL THE HELP U NEED.

My goodness it took for ever to get to the bottom of this page! People wrote extremely long comments! :p LOL! But, of course you deserve every one given to you. Anyways, get ready for another long one cuz I've got alot to say! (hope you don't mind ;p) This poem struck my heart and held it till the end. This was a BEAUTIFUL peom and I felt so many emotions while reading it.

I don't know about you but the fragrance of lemons really DOES clear away my anxiety. I love that fragrance soooo much! So, this poem is about your childhood/yourself? Sorry me stupid and wanted to know for sure.If it is you seemed to have a nice childhood, but it also seemed to change for the worst.

I connect with this poem in many areas such as:
I found myself fighting with my kid sister and then repenting till today. Except I'm the kid sister and I fight with my older sis. I found it very sad that your life was in turmoil, but I've read your other stories/poems and know how much your son means to you.

Now about the last part of your poem. It upset me very much. I HOPE YOU'RE NOT DEAD!!!!! Well of course I know you're not, but just the thought of that makes me want to cry. (tear tear) It's not good to be dead inside either, though. I believe that you don't need to search for someone inside your dead body, or soul, because you should know you already have found it. You have many friends and family that love and support you! (like me! Love ya buddy! I wish we culd meet -_-)
Anywho, I loved this poem with all my heart and it changed how I view things in my life.

Great job, two thumbs up!!!! I love the idea of combining the challenges. Might have to do that to save time... Love ya buddy! Keep in touch always. I pray for your well being, and many others that have touched my life, every night. God is always with you, let him be your guide to a better life.

Love always,
KitKat123


Posted: Sep 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Honey bunny, my sweetie pie and one more innocent angel in my life...I know that lastline is really upsetting..it just popped in my mind. May be i was feeling really low.This medicine is NOT helping me recover buddy.It has pushed me deep down inside one black hole and hence with all my courage, i am stopping it from today.I need ur hugs and ur love( which is always there without asking, i can feel it)...i wish too that we could meet and may ine day we would.Write to me at pratibhabooksie@gmail.com when u need me.ANd pronto, i would be there.Listening to you is like, listening to a child and believe me,the love u feel for me is bilateral.MMUUHHHAAA

HUGE HUGS TO PRATIBHA! You really deserve them :) The poem is really, really good. The end is sad, to say the least. You are really wonderful and a great friend on booksie ^.^ you're a lovely person and I'm sure you're a GREAT mom. Your son must really love you.

The beginning is really good and really reminded me of my preschool and elementary school days. I just recently visited my preschool and talked with my old teachers, it was really nice. You did a good job with the poem, the beginning really makes you remember nice things and happiness.

One thing I think you need to remember is that people care about you. A lot. (Just look at all these comments for pete's sake!) And not just the booksie community. Your friends and family too ^.^

All these people have written such long comments and I feel bad that mine's a bit shorter. I just can't quite put what I'm thinking into words. But I hope you feel better! ANOTHER HUG!

Posted: Sep 13, 2008

Author Comment:

I am feeling calm and cosy after ur hugs and i am sure u believe me, buddy. Yes, honey..the comments and suggestions did help me lots and i am feeling so much better.Ur comment is always always welcome and u know how much they mean to me.And those special hugs for me which come with ur comments make me feel 'super happy".MM UU HH AAA...

oh b0y... sometimes... failures are meant to happen... oh well ... to learn, and sometimes led us to new things that happen to be not that bad at all...

chacha... badabing ... bada boomm...!!!
what dead body?? hmm... so this is for teenagers?? hmm.
good one. but ahh. it doesn't seem to be a shot for teenagers against their wrong... hmm...

alright! but this one's good. not worse. not bad.
not terrifying, somewhat makes me realize of the wrong things i did... i dunno why i don't like it much... maybe because i have a headache today XD

sorry for that xD

Godbless :D

Posted: Sep 14, 2008

Author Comment:

it's okay Wik, u know what i really appreciate ur straight forward comment.This sure is DARK and DEPRESSING.I hope u r feeling better now AND NOPE..this is NOT for teenagers...as it is poor things have too much on their platter already.
Take care and never think that ur current life is in any way wrong...it is NOT..TRUST GOD...Things r taking shape with GOD's will...right?

devi prasad
(not registered user)

julie dear..
perfect theme, pretty collage.. even i cud get the aroma of ur lemon tree.. it is intoxicating,,,
But the last lines.. chilling... as someone has mentioned above.
waiting for the sequel...............

Posted: Sep 14, 2008

Author Comment:

*smiling gratefully*
Thank you Devi bhai...as usual, i have always come for my posts and helped me improve..u have always helped me improvise and think out of 'normal'...throughout this journey, ur blessings and encouragement has helped me continue...thank you BHAI...

this mos more of as crie de corps- ddi you study any psychiatry - I note that you're an MD - as I was until I retired 5 years ago.
I wonder if your depression is related to your childbirth - a latent post natal depression- Just maybe ?
If you are on therapy - don't quit - maybe yours is a bipolar disorder.Dont just leave it to the sun to come and play with your son ; he will grow up neglected , as bitter as the lemons ; and malignantly sunburned.
Now that's the housekeeping business done .
Youre Looking back to the comfrot zone of your mother's warmth- maybe further back - into her woumb.
We all change all the time . You dont have to deliberately reinvent yourself - Lfe will do it for you, It may make you happy, depressed , desperate , suicidal - it may also if you allow it seep through the cold sarcophagus you inhabit- it may bring you new wonders, of rapture and exaltation ; moments of utter joy and ecstasy ;
It will , or course let you down again , like a ton of bricks.
We move on with its currents and eddies and for the most part , most of us get a fair deal. Yes there are any evil people abroad who are wealthy and seem to have in abundance all the things you yearn for- forget them ; happiness often eludes them.
We all fall and falter , and despair and resent and loath and become immersed in vexations - but we get up again .
They say 'Life 's Bitch - Then you die'
But that doesn't mean you have to be a bitch or submit to life's sometimes relentless oppression.
It's late Sunday evening here - so my sermon is a little late .
But I offer it for what its worth.
I wish you health and hope


''O MY Dark Rosaleen,
Do not sigh, do not weep!
The priests are on the ocean green,
They march along the deep.
There 's wine from the royal Pope, 5
Upon the ocean green;
And Spanish ale shall give you hope,
My Dark Rosaleen!''

James Clarence Mangan - Irish Poet 1803-1849

Don

Posted: Sep 14, 2008

Author Comment:

Dear DM, i am so glad u came for my post...i indeed needed in depth observation about my depression ...which sure is latent post-natal depression...i am surprised how did u know it...?? I am meeting u for the 1st time...i,am indeed surprised..Yes, we do study Psychiatry for 1 year ( basics only) in our Final year and that is why i was able to identify the signs and seek help...THANKS A TON

What a wonderfully, thought provoking piece. I agree with Alice *cough* Inside joke *cough*

There is no way you could have failed if you tried. The most you can ever hope to do , is to do your best.

As long as you believe you did the most to your ability, then you did not fail at all. :)

Posted: Sep 14, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks buddy. Thank YOU for coming over.

pratibha what a moving piece. you are not a failure and never will be, we do our best and that is all we can do. you have a beautiful son and best of all from my point of view you are on the mend. the fun part of you is still in there, its just buried a bit deeper than it used to be. keep bringing it out bit by bit, thats what i did and i think i now have more fun than when i thought i was having fun. hope that makes sense.
your friend
snow x

Posted: Sep 15, 2008

Author Comment:

YES SNOW...it makes sense...i would listen to ur advise...it has that 'magic' to it because u urself have done it in ur life....and that is why it makes lots and lots of sense...believe me...
ur belief in me revived me...i will try and keep trying bit by bit for sure...
thanks SNOW...i need u like i always have ....

U know who !!
(not registered user)

hey friend...after every night, there is dawn and urs is not far away

Posted: Sep 16, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks buddy...



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