The Nightmare Of That Night
when i got home from work i ran into a guy who was good looking and well built but when i was coming up closer to him i knew right away that i was in trouble i could smell the booze and ......................
View table of contents...
Submitted: May 13, 2008
Reads: 1728
Comments: 14
Likes: 2
when i got home from work i ran into a guy who was good looking and well built but when i was coming up closer to him i knew right away that i was in trouble i could smell the booze and he said hey in a slered voice as i walked in to the apartment building he followed i opened the door he went through first as i was pulling my keys out to get my mail i had a feeling that i was being watched and when i looked up there he was.. i tried to walk past but he would not let me pass he then laghed and said go ahead so i did and as soon i did he grabbed my wrist he pushed me up against the wall he put my hands above my head and started kissing me i cried for him to stop but then his hands were exploring my body he finally let his hand rest on my stomach then he slowly lifted my shirt up only so that my stomach was showing he then placed his hand back on my stomach and let his hand go up slowly i started to cry harder when i heard the door open next to us he quickly whispered in my ear that if i did anything he would do more than what he was doing i said okay and he placed a kiss on my cheek and started kissin me more and the women who came out of the door told us to get a room then walked aw i placed my hand on his shoulder and tried to push him off so i could yell after the women but he was to strong and only pushed against me harder. he finished touching my stomach and finally went up to my breast. he then pulled away and grabbed my hand and motioned me to the door next to me when i did not move he pushed me in the door and he dragged me in to the hall of his apartment he told me that i had to stay there or he would urt me so i stayed put when he came back he had rope in one hand and a knife in the other he said that he would not have to use it if i did wat i was told i nodded.. he grabbed me and dragged me in to the spare room. in the spare room there was a bed and that was it he told me to lay down so i di he tied my hands and feet to the posts of the bed he then took the knife and cut off my cloths so i was left in my underwear he stood up and stared at me with those big green eyes he came down on top of me and started kissing me me agian he told me that i had to kiss him back or else then he showed me the knife then he went back to kissing me i did my best to kiss him back i think i was doing a okay job as i felt him get harder i was starting to get scared he sat up and took my bra and panties off he traced my body with his fingers he started at my face and went all the way down to my vagina he put pressure then he slid his fingers in he passed over my clit then went on to rubbing it i said to stop i then i started to shudderi knew that i was going to cum and i did he then unzipped his pants and placed his penis on my stomach and went down and he started to thrust he was very large but he kept thristing he soon shot his cum up into me he pulled out traced my body then gto me some cloths and sent me home it jas been a year and i now take care of his son
Email this story |
Print Story |
Add to reading list
Comments:
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............... that was odd. Where did you insperation come from?
Posted: May 13, 2008
i agree with Canine it was very odd. but keep tring
Posted: May 13, 2008
okay... interesting view point... But I also agree with canin It's good but I'd give it some structure. (Ie: dialog, paragraphs...etc.)
Posted: May 13, 2008
You have a unique way of expressing yourself. Refine it and it could be a winner. I hope your inspiration was not a real-life incident. Nevertheless, the story does have impact. Keep writing.
Posted: May 13, 2008
First off i hope this did not happen to you. Secondly as for the way you told the story it went by a bit too fast. There were a lot of grammar errors and little detail, but over all good job. If your interested please read my novel 'Kidnapped'
Posted: May 13, 2008
This was very emotional you did a good job on that it was a little odd but it's not the oddest thing in the world. Did you really get raped? but this was good and i can't wate to read more of your stuff, and i liked the suspense even though it was a little short you knew that something bad was going to happen i love suspense.
Posted: Jun 1, 2008
...interesting. But none the less, good job! But i agree, try to revise it so it has better paragraph structure. (mabey some dialoge : D)
Posted: Jun 21, 2008
i have absolutly nothing to critize u on
i liked it i thought it was pretty cool
how you got to the point i mean it is a short
story so awesome job by the way can u check out my
new story *without a choice* i need people
to critize me lol
~possesssed~
Posted: Jul 17, 2008
When you are writing a story like this i feel it is quite natural to write it quickly without speach, you expressed the situation very well and it was good, I was raped when i was 13 and have written about that expeirence, (The Rape).....
Next time think slower and you will have a real winner,......But hey this was very good.......Happy days to you Juliet
Posted: Jul 27, 2008
Danni
(not registered user)
Hm..it's pretty okay, just really fast an abrupt. It feels like you raped your audience - which is fine in this situation, not saying it's bad. :) But, it was just so brutal, (again, i mean, what he did to her), anyways, pretty good, just some mistakes, and was really, really fast.
But, again, good job. :) Keep trying.
Dani.
Posted: Aug 29, 2008
I think this needs an awful lot of revision. It sounds like your just going on on and on and on It is too abrupt.
Posted: Sep 9, 2008
jen
(not registered user)
it's sort of odd. You might want to put in some commas and full stops, or you'd be short of breath if you'd have to read it out loud. No offense
Posted: Sep 13, 2008
That was weird.....
Posted: Sep 14, 2008
I think that if you refine it, it could be a lot better. But keept working at it.
Posted: Sep 30, 2008
© Copyright 2009 luv4ldamd All rights reserved. luv4ldamd has granted theNextBigWriter, LLC non-exclusive rights to display this work on Booksie.com.