I remember him because of his big blue eyes.
I remember his deep, fringed black hair. I remember his soft pale
skin and the way it felt when I held his face in my hands. I
remember his small, girlish frame that fit so perfectly in my
arms. I remember the way his smile lit up his eyes and I remember
how they had drawn me towards them since the very first time we
met. He was perfect; everything I'd ever wanted. How could I
forget someone so absolutely perfect for me? How could I move on
when I was so deeply in love already? How could I let go if I had
never had the chance to tell him I loved him?
How could I let go of my soul-mate?
There was no denying it. We were made for each other. The way our hands fit together like puzzle pieces. The way his voice made music with mine. The way our silences were filled with nothing but glances filled with such love and cares that it made my heart threaten to explode. He was my other half. My better half. The answer to my prayers. He really was my angel, and I wish I had just told him so when I had the chance.
Now he was gone and it was far too late.
I don't know where he went. I don't know how he's been. I don't know who he's with. All I know is I miss him. All I know is that he has been the only thing on my mind these last few years and it's been hard just going on without him. How in the world was I supposed to keep on pushing forward when I didn't have him here to save me? He was the before and the scars were the after. I was broken now and no one could save me. Over the last two years, there have been days when I've had to remind myself to breathe. It's really hard to just want to keep pushing forward, especially when you can't even see them anymore. So I dealt with living as best I could. My life had taken a dive since he left me. Everything just sort of unraveled. I went from a straight A student to a D student. I was barely eating anything and I had lost a ton of weight. I was cutting again and my heart was completely shut out to everyone around me. I was just a cold, emotionless, broken person. The only people who had stuck with me were Charlie and Alex because I was just so down. They really understood what I was going through because I had trusted them enough to tell them how I felt. They got me, and I appreciated that. But they weren't him. No one could ever be him.
The most frustrating part of it all was that he hadn't even given me a reason as to why he left. No note, no warning, nothing. He was never a very sad person, so I doubted he had killed himself, but he wouldn't run away either. We were so close and he always seemed so happy and excited to be living with me. Of course, we had different reasons why we loved living with each other, but it was still so amazing for both of us. I mean, he just went for a walk and never came back. He rarely ever did that; we always walked together. I couldn't explain why he suddenly did that, but I wished that he hadn't. I'd had a bad feeling, but I was already with Charlie so I couldn't stop him. And because of me he was gone.
I was the one to blame for my problems.
I looked around me, seeing the people rush by on their way to work or shopping with their boyfriend or girlfriend. They all looked so happy it made me want to cry. I was that happy once, even if we weren't dating. It was good enough to be able to walk with him and laugh with him every day. And I wished that I could go back, that I could walk with him that day and maybe save him from whatever fate took him away from me. If I could just get the chance to tell him how I felt, I would be more than happy.
My eyes filled with tears as I looked from person to person, just like I always did nowadays. I always held on to the hope that someday I'd meet those blue eyes and we could meet again, and just be friends like we used to be.
And that's when I saw them. I would know those deep intensely blue eyes anywhere. They could only belong to one person. Phil.
Then I recognized the hair, deep ebony, long and pulled just beyond his eyes, missing them by centimeters. That flawless pale skin and slightly feminine build. I couldn't believe my eyes at first could that really be Phil? Of course it was. I knew Phil better than I knew myself. I could spot him in a crowd of hundreds. I literally sprinted towards those completely lost pair of perfectly ocean blue eyes. He looked so innocent. Like a kid that had lost his mother in a crowd. It broke my heart while making it beat at a hundred miles per hour. How could I not fall for such an adorable face as this? Dammit, I still loved him so much and yet when I approached him, he looked a little frightened. Had someone told him I loved him?
"Phil!! Where in the world have you been?! Do you realize how scared I've been? You just up and left me! What the hell did you do that for?!"
"I'm sorry but I think you mean someone else."