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What's Wrong with Harry Potter?

Miscellaneous By: Rhensis
Fan fiction



This is basically a massive mick taking of HP. I think that fans will love it more than haters! My hope is that this is going to make you laugh!


Submitted:Apr 8, 2011    Reads: 120    Comments: 4    Likes: 0   


(Note: Something in asterixes, (*) is an action that I'm doing)

Before I get started, don't get me wrong, I LOVE Harry Potter. I am HP all the way. I HATE Twilight. But I was thinking, one night, after reading the seventh book, about some of HP's flaws. And, here they are!

1) The Title.

Book 1-Harry Potter and the Philosipher's Stone
Book 2- Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Book 3- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban
Book 4- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Book 5- Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix
Book 6- Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Book 7- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

VERY original, J.K. I mean, it must have taken at least 6 months to come up with a title for a book! At least Stephinie Meyer actually took time over her titles! The first book being Harry Potter and the Philosipher's stone was alright, she could get away with it, but I think by the time the seventh book came out most people were screaming to get new titles. It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't take half an hour to say the title, let alone write it!

2) Harry himself

Not only is 'Harry' one of the most annoying names to read over and over again, (sorry if you're name's Harry, but it is the truth!), but the character may as well walk around saying this: "Hey! My name's Harry Potter. You know, the Chosen one? I have a serious God complex, but try to hide it by making out that I have sacrificed it all for my friends!". Harry is THE WORST character EVER!

3) Killing Dobby and not Ron

When I went to see the movie, the scene were Dobby died prompted crying from the girls in the audience, (crying????). I, myself, groaned. I loved Dobby as much as the next HP freak, and I honestly don't see why J.K killed him! It would have been sooo much better if she killed Ron when he was trying to save Hermione from ' you bitch', as Mrs Weasly calls her, (if you don't get that, tough!). I mean, no one likes Ron at all, ( even though Rupert Grint is so much hotter than Daniel Radcliffe). Plus he would have looked like a martyr, and Hermione would hate Harry forever which would be absolutely hilarious.

4) Book Seven

While we're on the subject of book seven, I can say, hand on heart, that that his the 2nd worse HP book, (I'll reveal the worst later). I think it was the most obvious, boring plot on the planet. In a few words, here is book seven: 'Harry, Hermione and Ron travel alot. At one point Ron leaves, but then he comes back, (surprise surprise). They see Xenophilius, (did I spell that right?), and the malfoys along the way. They also go to Gringotts and The ministry of magic. At the end they go to Hogwarts. Harry dies but comes back, (surprise surprise). Voldermort, (Oooooo I said his name!) was dead. Yippe Yippe!' *very unenthusiastic clap*. I have read the book twice and still think its a load of rubbish. This is the only book where I can say that the film, (or at least the 1st part), is better.

5) Book 6

I think I've read the Half Blood Prince once, and I can't remember it. I have seen the film once, even though we have it on DVD. The plot isn't as bad as book seven, but it's just so...I don't know the words. The book's like a sentence filler. It basically lets you know about the horcruxes and a bit of background info., but apart from that its ridiculous, (oh, and Dumbledore dies, but, we knew that was going to happen. He couldn't be alive for the 7th book). It's the worst HP book ever, officially!

6) Sirius Black.

Again, VERY original, J.K. Calling what's meant to be an evil character at first, 'Sirius Black'????? C'mon, at least give him a cool name!
In my opinion, I think Harry should have killed him in the third book, and then he finds out he's his Godfather, and about wormtail. It would have been a lot more sad and more effective. Just something to think about, my fellow HP fans...., (I see a FanFic coming!)

7) I think that Voldermort, (Oooo I said his name!) should have killed Harry and Hermione should have killed Voldermort, (Oooo I said it again!).

I wanted Harry to die at the end of the seventh book. Call me morbid, but we might still like him if J.K had killed him. Plus it would be full of suspense. Ohhh well, I know he's alive.

8) My second to last point is...

NEWSFLASH: J.K ROWLING SAYS SHE'S GOING TO WRITE MORE HARRY POTTER. 'Wtf????' was my response to that. How????? Has J.K run out of ideas? Good for all us on Booksie though, her publisher must be looking for more talent, (as long as you write books about kickass wizards who go to school).

9) VOLDERMORT!

Ok, I'm gonna prove something about 'He who must not be named'...

*Yells* VOLDERMORT! VOLDERMORT! VOLDERMORT! VOLDERMORT! VOLDERMORT! *hears a crack* Oops, I broke the mirror! I think that's because of my high pitched squealing, not the name though. Voldie's official new name is 'He who MUST be named, (if you want to annoy your muggle neighbours),'

Wait a second........ *yells to someone Off stage*, "Mom, why's there a hooded bloke with a wierd nose in our front room? Errr, Oops!"

Ok, so this wasn't as funny as it could be. Any humour suggestions welcome. And yes, I'm bracing myself for the hate comments. I don't care. Say what you will, I'll just respond with a clever response that makes you run to the hills!





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