Chapter 4

 

I sat on the front steps of my cabin, watching expectantly towards the darkening sky. The slight drizzle fell softly on the ground, creating a peaceful atmosphere. I sighed softly and looked around. The landscape was quite beautiful, especially from the constant rain that fell upon the small town of Mackenzie. I leaned back on the palms of my hands and closed my eyes, enjoying the moment.

It was not long before I heard the soft footsteps making their way over to me. I kept my eyes closed as the soft footsteps stopped and the person sat quietly beside me. “Peaceful, isn’t it,” Jasper spoke quietly. I smiled slightly and slowly opened my eyes.

“I never had many opportunities just to relax like this. I never took the time to just sit back and take it all in.”

“All it takes is one moment to look back and realize what you’ve missed out on,” his voice smooth and quiet, “When you live as long as we do though, there is always time to sit back and watch.” I winced slightly as I looked over at him.

“But if you have lived the way I have, watching the world pass you by, you would understand that standing on the sidelines is not always the best decision,” I said grimly. He turned to me slowly, curiously. I chose to let things pass me by. I chose to exclude myself from others. These were the choices I made, the choices I am still living out. I knew that he could feel the turmoil of my emotions that were ready to consume me. It was obvious the pain I had been going through, the pain I’m still in. Thankfully, Jasper isn’t able to understand the reasoning behind my emotions. Carlisle is still the only person I ever confided in, knowing my story to some extent. Even so, he will never fully comprehend everything. Hell, sometimes I wonder how I am grasping it all. How am I able to sort through these emotions and still know every reason behind each? I let out a breath of air and looked down. Not now, I thought to myself. Suddenly, Jasper laid his hand softly upon mine, and a wave of peacefulness came over me. I looked up and smiled weakly, silently thanking him. He gave me a lazy smirk in return as he leaned back so his back rested against the house.

“You don’t have to go through this alone,” he whispered.

“I know,” I answered in the same hushed tone, “It’ll just take some time before…” I trailed off

“Before you feel like you can trust us, before you feel safe.”

“Before I can come to terms with everything myself,” I answered quietly. My voice barely heard over the soft drizzle.

“I know you don’t know us all very well, but we’re here for you,” he paused, “I can feel what you’re going through; nobody should go through that alone,” he rolled his head to the side to look me in the eyes. “No one.” I was locked in his sincere gaze and immediately dropped my eyes, fearing what he could see in mine. I desperately wanted to believe his words. To be able to trust someone so completely, to tell them everything would be such a relief. But I couldn’t, I wouldn’t. Not now at least. One day maybe, but not yet.

“Thank you,” my voice came out rough with emotion. He gave me another small smile before he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. I mimicked his position and tried to lose myself in the feelings of peace Jasper was sending out. But I couldn’t shake the thoughts of me being so open with everyone. Yesterday I was joking with Edward and teasing Emmett, and it felt so right. They saw a side of me that I have never exposed, and it felt nice just to forget my worries and let go. I wondered slightly if it was that easy. To just let go, forget about the pain, and let the real me resurface. Could I allow them into my heart without fearing it getting hurt again? No, they wouldn’t hurt me, but I could. I couldn’t trust myself enough to allow me to enter their hearts.

“Come on Cam, enough of your worrying,” Jasper ordered. I opened my eyes to be met with a pair of jean clad legs. I couldn’t stop myself from asking ‘When did he get up?’ I craned my neck upwards to meet his eyes and smiled sheepishly. He stuck his hand out towards me and I gratefully grabbed it. He easily helped me out of my sitting position, and led me towards the Cullen house. 

“What are you doing?” I asked. He looked at me and gave me a ‘what do you think’ look.

“You worry too much Cam. You need to give yourself a break. Come on, your going to have some quality Cullen bonding time,” he chuckled. I responded with a small moan, but I still couldn’t hide the small smile that was slowly sweeping across my face. I made him tug on my hand a little before I willingly followed him into the large house. Walking into the beautiful home, we were met with a very angry Emmett yelling at the television.

“No, no, no!” he yelled as he jumped from the couch, “That is such a bogus call, he didn’t even touch him.” I chuckled lightly as we entered farther into the room.

“So much for peace and quiet,” I whispered to Jasper. Emmett, over his yelling seemed to have heard me and redirected his attention to me.

“Oh hey Cam!” he smiled. I smiled and gave him a small wave. Jasper led me over to one of the couches and we both sat down, watching Emmett yell at the T.V some more.

            After a couple of minutes of this, I leaned over to Jasper. “So this is your idea of Cullen bonding time?” He smiled sheepishly, but Emmett answered for him.

            “Cullen bonding time? Why didn’t you say anything bro?” he asked. Grabbing the remote he turned the T.V off and yelled up towards the stairs. “Hey everyone!” he screamed, “Cam needs to bond with us, get your asses down here!”

            “Emmett, language,” Esme scolded.

            “Sorry!” he called back embarrassed, but not as much as I was. Why did I have to go and open my big mouth? I was perfectly fine watching Emmett curse the referees to hell, but no, here I was, cowering in embarrassment from Emmett’s latest outburst.

            “Everything will be fine, lighten up,” Jasper reassured.  

            “Did Emmett really have to demand everyone com down here and talk to me? Seriously, now I feel like we are being forced to get to know each other.”

            “No one’s forcing anyone to do anything,” Alice chirped as she sat herself on the other side of Jasper, “Don’t worry about it, we were all bored anyways, what better way to pass the time then to get to know our newest family member?” she smiled kindly. At that moment, if my heart was beating, it would be going a mile a minute. I never considered myself part of their family before, just a guest.

            “Don’t act so surprised,” Jasper chuckled, “Carlisle would have no other way. He wants you to be a part of our family.”

            “We all do,” Alice added softly. I ducked my head trying to hide my crooked smile. ‘A family’ I thought. ‘A real family’ Some rational part of my brain was screaming at me to stop smiling, to stop getting my hopes up. The part kept reminding myself that I am not worthy. I would never be worthy of their love, or their friendship. I was a loner, a freak.

            “Cam, stop,” Edward directed his thoughts to me, “Thoughts like that will only cause you more pain.” I nodded slightly, and looked towards him. Again, I realized I never noticed Edward and Bella’s entrance. Everyone seemed to be here. Carlisle was working in the hospital today, but everyone else was seated comfortably around the large room. Even Esme was seated in the corner by the window, silently sketching.

            “So how are we gonna do this?” Emmett asked. Everyone turned to me for the answer.

            “Don’t look at me,” I placed my hands up in a defensive position, “This wasn’t exactly my idea.” I looked, well, more like glared at Jasper. He smiled mischievously at me and leaned over and whispered something into Alice’s ear. She looked questioningly up at her husband before a large smile crept onto her face. She let out a loud squeal before turning her attention onto everyone else. I tried to read both of their minds, but they were blocking Edward and I. We shot each other nervous glances, before turning out attention onto Alice. Suddenly, she froze and a faraway look appeared on her face. As quick as it came she was out of it, and dashed up the stairs. All of us looked questioningly at one another, but as soon as she left, she was back. Smiling like the Cheshire cat, she dumped a pile of clothes on the small coffee table.

            “Umm, Alice,” Bella questioned, “What are you doing?”

            “You’ll all thank me, believe me,” she cryptically answered. Suddenly, she started throwing certain clothes at everyone. I was bombarded with a pair of socks, a long sleeve t-shirt, a hoodie a scarf and pair of mittens. After everyone was given their clothes, Alice was barking orders at us.

            “Put them on! Trust me.” After some grumbling, everyone had the extra clothes put on.

            “Now that we look like idiots, will you please tell us what we are doing?” Rosalie demanded.

            “Well since Cam needs to get to know us all, Jasper thought we should do something fun to lighten things up. Thinking about it, I came up with the best idea! Strip ‘Have You Ever!” she practically was bouncing as she said this.

            “Awesome,” Emmett laughed while Bella and I looked horrified.

            “This is why we look like marshmallows?” I pointed to myself.

            “So the game will last longer, and no one will have to get naked,” Jasper reassured. Relief was visible on Bella and my faces.

            “So the rules are simple,” Alice informed, “We go around in a circle, each one of us asks a ‘have you ever’ question, and anyone who has removes a piece of clothing. So, who wants to start?”

            “I will,” Emmett volunteered. He sat there for a moment before his face lit up with an idea, “Have you ever kissed the TV?” His face was so serious, I couldn’t take it anymore. I desperately tried to cover my laughs, but ended up snorting loudly. Over my embarrassing snorting, I was able to catch others snickering at Emmett’s question.

            “You’ve actually kissed the television?” Bella asked shocked.

            “So you’re telling me nobody’s kissed the TV?” he looked at each one of us, “Seriously guys, I’m the only one?”

            “Oh my god, I can’t believe the television is getting more action then I am,” Rosalie cried out, a huge smirk on her face.

            “Emmett, can I ask, what the hell drove you to kiss the poor innocent TV?” Alice snickered. Esme’s soft laugh soon filled the air, and everyone turned to look at her.

            “Emmett, do you want to tell them, or can I?”

            “Do you have to?” he whined.

            “Of course! Cam needs to get to know everyone better. Thus, learning why you chose to give your love to the television over me,” Rosalie said, feigning anger.

            “Fine,” he mumbled. A big smile lit up Esme’s face and she put her sketchbook on the table beside her.

            “Everyone was out on a hunting trip, so it was just me and Emmett home. I was watching the Price is Right, and Emmett decided to join me. We started playing along with the game, shouting off the right prices and yelling at the contestants,” She chuckled at the memory, “It was down to the showcase showdown, and each contestant had to give the price of their showcase. Emmett sided with the old lady, while I believed the young man to be right. Well Emmett being Emmett, he wanted to bet on who would win. Our deal was if his contestant won I would give him back his precious X-box. But if my contestant was to win he would have to wash everyone’s cars. My contestant over bid, so the old lady Emmett placed his bet on won. I never saw Emmett so happy; he was jumping along with the frail, old woman. Before I knew it, Emmett was kissing the close-up of the lady,” she burst out in giggles. My sides felt like they were ready to split open I was laughing so hard. The image of Emmett kissing some 80 year-old lady was forever imprinted in my mind. Looking up I saw Bella practically lying on Edward for support from all her laughing, and Rosalie was hunched over in laughter. The best reaction though was Emmett’s. He had slouched so far into the loveseat, from where I was sitting I could only make out a little tuff of hair from behind the pillow he was hiding behind.

            “Okay Emmett, take something off,” Alice ordered between giggles.

            “Fine!” he huffed, bending over and removing one of his socks. He then chucked the sock at the still laughing Edward, his eyes slightly narrowed at his brother, “I nominate Edward next!” Suddenly Edward’s laughs were cut off short.

            “Fine then, I’ll go,” he paused for a moment, mulling over what question to ask, “Have you ever…. read the dictionary?” Emmett snorted and leaned back confidently in his chair. Ha, there was no doubt there! Edward looked around the room and landed on me and Jasper. I sheepishly looked down and removed my left mitten. To my surprise, I wasn’t the only one to remove a piece of clothing. Jasper had started to take his scarf off when I looked his direction. We both chuckled at the absurdity of the idea of reading the dictionary. As I looked up, Emmett was looking at us in horror.

            “What?” I defended. “Boredom makes you do crazy things!” He responded with a roll of the eyes. Angered, I elbowed Jasper. “I’m right aren’t I?” I looked up at the blonde vampire waiting for his reply. Instead, Edward broke out in laughter.

            “I’m sorry Cam,” he laughed, “For Jasper, reading the dictionary was purely recreational!” A look of embarrassment came over Jasper, and I couldn’t stop myself from giggling. Here I was thinking that reading the dictionary because I had nothing better to do was embarrassing.

            “Next!” Jasper called out, clearly wanting the attention to be shifted off him.

            “I’ll go!” I volunteered. I had been thinking about what a good question was for a bit, and I finally decided on the perfect one, “Have you ever harassed a telemarketer?”

            “Ha! Alice, you are so guilty,” Emmett teased. Alice looked up, a small smile creeping its way onto her face.  

            “It’s not my fault I can see their futures,” she countered, “Its too good of a gift to waste.”

            “You told the guy his dog was going to die in three days Alice!” Edward pointed out. I looked at the tiny vampire, mouth agape.

            “Seriously?” I breathed.

            “Mmmhmm,” Rosalie answered. “The best part was when she told him that he’d be the one to run it over!”

            “Oh, I wish I was there!” I cried, “That would have been hilarious to see!” Alice grinned at my response and willingly took off her winter hat. I was still laughing hysterically before Alice stepped in.

            “Okay, okay, okay,” she smirked, “Bella, why don’t you go next?” Bella looked up at Alice, her eyes wide with shock. Quickly though, a look of determination and mischievousness washed away the shock.

            “Have you ever…. been arrested by the mall police?” she smiled coyly in Alice’s direction. I smiled to myself as I realized Bella was getting revenge on Alice. As fast as the smile was on her face, it was wiped off.

            “That was one time,” Alice argued, “It wasn’t even my fault!”

            “Oh, so taking the clothes off the mannequin at Macy’s wasn’t your fault?” Bella countered.

            “They didn’t have my size in stock, but the outfit on the mannequin was!” she answered.

            “That doesn’t justify you stripping the mannequin in public and taking the clothes.”

            “Yes, yes it does.”

            “There were children watching,” Bella pointed out, “Even worse though was you trying to seduce the poor mall cop to get yourself out of trouble.”

            “Whatever,” Alice huffed, removing her scarf and throwing it at a triumphant Bella.

            “Okay, so that leaves Rosalie, Alice and I,” Jasper informed, “Who’s next?”

            “I’ll go,” Rosalie volunteered. She turned to Emmett and smiled mischievously, “Have you ever made out in a police cruiser?” My mouth fell open as I started to look around the room.

            “Oh my God,” I whispered. Every one of them was taking off a piece of clothing. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I asked surprised, “So you’re telling me I am the only one who hasn’t made out in a police cruiser!”

            “Sorry Cam,” Emmett grinned sheepishly.

            “I can’t believe this!” I said appalled, “Bella?” She looked up at me, a small smile on her lips. She nodded her head slightly and then looked up at Edward.

            “They did it in her father’s car too,” Emmett blurted out. My jaw slowly dropped as I stared at the two vampires who I thought would be conservative.

            “Wow,” I said, shock clearly evident in my voice, “I don’t think I have ever felt so, so innocent.”

            “Believe me Cam, its not as glamorous as you think. The backs of cruisers are dirty and smelly from all the criminals. Not really the best spot to make out in,” Alice reassured.

            “Oh yeah, that makes me feel so much better,” I answered sarcastically.

            “Enough of this,” Edward interrupted, “Jasper, why don’t you go next?”

            “Sure,” he replied. Looking around at each of us he suddenly stopped, smiling devilishly, “Have you ever streaked a crowd of people?” Immediately I dropped my face in my hands and started to laugh hysterically. Why did I have to agree to play this game? Through my laughs I was able to hear the others burst out in laughter. Surprised, I looked up to see Emmett removing his sweatshirt and Rosalie taking off a sock. To my right, Alice was peeling off a sock herself.

            “Oh thank God!” I exclaimed, “I’m not the only one!” Everyone turned to me in shock.

            “What happened to being innocent?” Emmett laughed. I giggled at the thought and removed the remaining mitten.

            “It wasn’t my fault some creep took my towel and stole my clothes!” I argued.

            “What! Are you being serious?” Rosalie asked shocked.

            “It was so funny seeing their faces!” I gushed, “I was attending the University of Michigan, a desperate attempt to make my dull existence a little less boring. One day I actually decided to go for a swim in their indoor pool. That day the men’s swim team was practicing, only leaving a couple of lanes open. After my swim I decided to take a shower to get all the chlorine off. Well, during my shower someone stole my towel and my clothing. So here I am naked, debating over running vampire speed to the change room to borrow someone else’s towel. But it wasn’t my day, someone had locked the door preventing entrance. I had no other escape route other then going through the men’s change room. So I decided I might as well make it worth all my trouble and walked in. I ended up walking in on the swim team, a big smile on my face. I went up to the closest guy and asked for his towel. Afterwards, I had half the swim team ask me out on a date,” I laughed.

“That’s hilarious!” Rosalie yelled, getting up to high five me. I laughed at her enthusiasm and returned the high five. Plonking myself back down beside Jasper I turned to Alice.

            “Enough about me, I think it’s your turn Alice.” She turned her head, one eyebrow raised. I knew she was debating over who she wanted to embarrass more.  

            “Have you ever eaten glue?” her face a mask of seriousness. I looked over at her in confusion and she winked at me. Suddenly, some movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. Emmett was removing his shirt, revealing his muscle shirt underneath. Edward and Bella were stealthily removing their socks, desperately hoping no one would notice. I turned to Jasper to see him also remove his last sock. What shocked me the most though, was seeing Rosalie unzip her sweater and take it off. I sat their in shock as I realized that these grown adults had eaten glue.

            “What?” Emmett asked.

            “You all have eaten glue?” they nodded their heads in agreement, “Why!” I cried.

            “I was forced to!”

            “I was five!”

            “I lost a bet to Emmett!”

            “Don’t ask.”

I looked around the room and landed on Emmett, the only one who didn’t answer me.

            He shrugged his shoulders, “I was curious?”