I could of done so many things to get back at him for what he did, to me well and the kids, as they were hurt by it to, but seems, he brought his own miss fortunes on himself, but I really didn't want that to happen.
All the rowing and shouting we did after the fling, affair or whatever you or he wants to call it was exposed, caused him to lose his voice.
He thought it would come back, after all, we all lose our voice from time to time in our lives. But the rows we had came close to punches, mainly from me. Memories of my time with James came back into my head. The time I walked in on James with my sister, made me go crazy, as I pictured Emilio doing the same with this Olivia, and I had worked with this Olivia, in the opera house, before I had met Emilio. She was a college. Why could it not of been with a stranger, not someone I knew well.
I moved out of the house for a while I stayed with Nicole and Gilb. Then I went and stayed with James and ruby.
I was acting like he had died, I was a mess. Ruby and James looked after the twins for me, while me and Emilio tried to get back on track, but however much he told me it was nothing, and they never had sex , even though there were photos of them kissing and her sitting on his lap, like two lovers, the more I could see them at it in my head.
He cancelled all his performances, and told the press he needed to be with his family, to sort things out. The truth was he could not sing, and singing was his first love, even over me, and the kids.
I hated him, but for the kids sake I made sure he went to get help with his voice. If me, and him did split up I still wanted him to sing for the kids, and his other boys.
While he seeked treatment, I tried to put on a brave front. I moved back in but slept in the guest room. Not like I slept much, I would get up get the kids ready for school, then go back to bed, until it was time to pick them up. Then cook them tea help them with home work then when they went to bed, I would open a bottle of vodka, and drink the lot. If Emilio was around I would take it to bed to drink.
I was creeping back into my old ways.
If the kids were not around I would of killed myself, I think.
Emilio was told not to talk and to rest his voice so I kept out of his way because, we would of only rowed.
When he was allowed to talk, I did not want to hear what he had to say, as far as I was concerned, I was not enough for him, and all those times I cried myself to sleep when he was away, he was probably not even thinking about me, only her and when he would see her again. And did she travel with him, abroad, while I could not go, all these thoughts went round my head, so I just drank to help numb the pain.
Mum I heard you crying again last night, Samantha said as I sat down in the lounge after making myself a cup of tea.
I'm sorry love I said. I don't know why I just can't get over all this. I wish I could move on but it's like something won't let me.
Samantha was a bright girl, she and Joseph knew what their fathers had done to me. And though they loved their fathers they were angry on how I was treated by both of them. But I told both of them I don't care how they treated me, but as long as they love and treat you right don't be worrying about me.
I wasn't a twisted parent, I didn't want my kids hating their fathers, because they had done wrong to me. People need to make up their own minds in life, and the twins were growing up fast. And I did not want them to make the same mistakes I did, With my parents
Mum if you want to go back home we can get the next plain out of here, Samantha said as she came and sat next to me.
I looked at her long dark brown hair, and her brown eyes, she looked so much like her father, it brought a tear to my eye. I turned away to wipe it.
I made on I was looking out the window.
No, we can stay on another week Sam, I promise to venture out of the house today and we can go for a walk, or into town maybe.
I looked down at my tea cup then back at her with a smile.
Since we arrived in Gozo all I did was stay in the villa. I did not leave in case the first thing I did was go to a bar.
This was a Detox trip as well, as I had become an alcoholic again. But enough was enough and I had to get clean for my kids.
I'll get the door, Ruby called out to James and Joseph who were on the lap top in the dining room. It was about five thirty in the afternoon, James was working on a new album with vexed and wanted josephs input, on what design they should have on the album cover. James enjoyed including his kids in his work, Joseph, could play the guitar, and James would tech him the songs he sang, and went over new material with him. Abbey, James other child, was trying to become a singer, she was still young but with training and in time could go somewhere, with her voice, but James wanted to make sure she was ready, when the time came, but just not yet.
Emilio is everything ok, Ruby said as she let him into the house. He looked at her and gave a false smile.
Well no better than before, he said. Ruby smiled back.
James and Joe are in the dining room, if you want to go through, Ruby said lifting her arm, as if to show the way.
Emilio walked through to the dining room. He knew the layout of the house, as he had been there many times with Liz.
James looked up from his laptop. And Joseph stood up to see who had appeared in front of them.
Ruby followed in behind and asked Emilio if he would like a coffee and could she take his coat from him.
Emilio turned to ruby, and said yes, a coffee would be nice. He removed his black and white scarf, and then took of his long black coat, and handed them both to Ruby. She smiled at him as she went away to hang them up.
James removed his reading glasses, and got up from the chair he was sitting on, at the table. Joseph stayed seated.
Well what can I, do for you then, James said, wondering what this visit could be about.