For the last week of my holiday, I had worked out in my head what I wanted to do, and be, from now on. My whole life would change. I never told Samantha what my plans were. Many would say I was being selfish, but as long as the kids were safe and had all they needed, that's all that mattered to me. It would not be easy, and would take some time, to become what I thought, was the only way forward for me. If it was what I needed to do to have peace in my life, then I would move heaven and earth to get it.
But first I had something at home to sort out.
James closed the boot of his car, gave me a hug and a kiss, waved at the kids, then got back into his car and drove off.
I waved till I could no longer see his car.
I turned around and Emilio was still stood at the door with the kids.
We stared at each other for a few minutes.
He still looked as gorgeous, as the day I had met him, his curly black hair, now had a few greys in it, but he still had those come to bed eyes.
I composed myself, damn those eyes tempting me back, nope I was moving on, he chose to share his love with someone else, maybe even others when he was away all those times, with the opera, I will not share him with anyone.
I took hold of the handles on mine and Samantha's cases, and dragged them towards to front door. The kids went into the house, Emilio stepped forward and took hold of my case.
His hand touched mine. We were close now, and I looked into his angel eyes. I could smell his after shave as well, it was my favourite.
No, I thought, stay strong Liz.
I smiled and still holding on to Samantha's case, and other bags I went into the house.
I did not turn around as I heard the door shut behind me, and I took my case straight into the kitchen.
Emilio followed behind with my case.
I let go of my case, put my bags of duty free on the kitchen counter, and went over and put the kettle on.
I would empty the cases in a while, but I was dying for a cup of tea.
The kids had gone up stairs to Joseph's room, he had much to tell his twin sister.
The house looked clean. I was impressed.
The kettle had boiled and I took a cup from the cupboard. Before I closed the cupboard I turned around to see if Emilio wanted a drink.
He was stood by the kitchen door, arms folded, just looking at me.
Do you want a drink, I asked him.
Yeah a black coffee please he replied.
I made our drinks and passed him his coffee.
I took hold of my handbag and with my cup of tea went into the lounge and over to my computer.
I put my cup and bag down and switched on the computer.
I picked my bag back up, and took out my camera.
When the computer came, on I sat down and put in my password.
When the computer was ready to use, I took the memory card out of my camera, and uploaded the photos, of mine and Samantha's holiday.
Emilio came into the lounge and sat down on the couch still holding his coffee.
I knew he was there but, I carried on with what I was doing.
I could hear the kids laughing up stairs.
Emilio just stayed sat down on the coach, watching all I did.
I checked my face book account, and emails. I did have an email come in but I did not want him to see it so, I quickly finished up on the computer and shut it down again.
When the computer had shut down, I bent down to switch it off. I picked up my now empty cup and handbag. I stood up and went towards the kitchen again.
Emilio stood up and took hold of me.
He had his hands on my arms.
I looked into his beautiful face.
He looked at me.
At any moment I could of just kissed him, and I wondered if he felt the same.
Then he spoke
Liz , we need.....,
Before he could say another thing, I answered for him
To talk, yes I know, and we will I replied, trying to keep up a front.
I am not sure if that is what he was going to say, but I was certain I was not going to fall in love with him again.
Though deep in my heart I loved him still, I ached for him, I yearned for his touch.
The taste of his lips on mine, the feel of him inside of me, his soft gentle hands touching me all over.
But he had betrayed me, and thoughts of me killing myself again, entered my head. Then the kids laughter made me realise why I had not.
He back off, and let me pass.
Just as well, as I was starting to break down and I had come this far.
I put my cup down on the kitchen counter. I went to sort out mine and Samantha's cases, when Emilio came in and took hold of me once more.
I tried to pull away but he was too strong for me and I was too weak to resist.
Liz, he said pulling his face close to mine, I tried to look away, but in the end, with tears falling, our lips touched.
He pulled me in closer, one hand holding tight hold of me and one hand touching my face and hair.
I, in turn, put my hands through his curly hair.
I know I should of fought to pull him off me but I couldn't.
His smell, his feel, were like a drug to me.
We had not been this passionate in over a year.
Why now though.
I had planned a new life, without him.
Just then one of the kids came running down the stairs, and at last I pulled away.
Joseph came running into the kitchen.
Mum, mum, he said all excited.
Look what Samantha bought me back.
I looked at Emilio who had walked away to look out of the window.
Yes love I said to Joseph, I was there when she picked it.
It's lovely mum, thank you both.
I looked again at Emilio who was trying to sort his hair out, he hadn't turned around, he was still looking out of the window.
I turned back to Joseph,
Now you go help your sister sort her case out.
I pointed to Samantha's case and he took hold of it and carefully carried it up stairs.
I walked into the hall, behind him and watched as he lifted it carefully over each step.
When he had got to the top and was out of site, I went back into the kitchen.
Emilio was no longer there.
I went into lounge. He was picking up his car keys from the mantel piece.
He looked at me, then passed me and went into the hall way. He picked up his coat hanging by the door.
He put his coat on, and opened the door.
Before he left, he turned to me again.
His eyes were red
A tear began to fall from my eye.
Then he turned and went out of the door, closing it softly behind him.
I went back into the lounge and watched as he got into the car and he drove off fast.
I collapsed in a heap, and began to cry, but made sure I never let the kids here me.
Why did I come back here, for my heart to break again .