I never did get to ask talk to Emilio about what went on with him and Olivia. When I arrived home later, Nicole, Gilb and Harvey were at the house.
I had been at church all day, I then went and spoke with the sisters at the monastery.
Everyone I spoke to throughout the day welcomed me with open arms, and was glad I had found the calling. Some recognised me, and asked how Emilio was, I said he was getting better, and left it at that. Though some must of wondered why I wanted to be closer to god, and give up my husband and children.
Emilio even seemed in good spirits.
Nicole came up to me and gave me a hug, asked how I was.
She was my best friend but I could not even tell her of my plans and what I had done today.
The twins were back from James’s and Harvey, Nicole and Gilb’s son, was upstairs, playing a console game with them in josephs room.
I’m ok thanks I told her.
She pulled me to one side
So are you and Emilio ok now then, he seems much happier, that holiday with Sam must of done you good.
I looked over to Emilio who was chatting with Gilb, but he turned to look at me, then back to Gilb.
Yeah it was a real eye opener, I replied, and me and Emilio well, nothing’s changed were not back together I said, quietly.
But he seems so happy, Nicole replied, when we turned up and he said you were not home, I thought, we would be sitting in silence till you came back home, but he’s not stopped chatting .
His voice is back I told Nicole, I could hear him singing last night and it sounded good.
That’s wonderful news, she said, and before, I could say any more she had turned round to congratulate him.
Emilio looked up, and looked at me.
The room went quiet.
Then Emilio, whilst looking at me, announced it was early days yet, and he had a long way to go.
Nicole turned back to me and saw my face was red.
Are you ok Liz, she asked
I was a bit embarrassed, as I don’t think he wanted that made public yet. Mind you since him not singing the money had stopped coming in, so for him and the kids I hoped he could get back to work, as things were getting tight, but soon he would not have to worry about my welfare.
I made an excuse I was hot and was just going to take my coat off and change, my clothes.
I went into the bath room and looked in the mirror, and at my long hair.
It wouldn’t be on my head for much longer, it would be all cut off, and donated to a charity that helps makes wigs for people with cancer.
That was my first act of self worth, for my cause, to help others.
I looked down at my wedding and engagement rings, plus the other rings I had on my hands.
I started pulling them of my fingers.
I removed my ear rings . Then washed my face, I took off all my makeup.
All of these things would mean nothing to me soon. I could not work with the poor, and needy all dolled up with bling hanging off me.
I went and changed into a t shirt and jeans.
Before I went back down stairs to the others, I went into Emilio’s room, as I called it now.
I placed my wedding ring and engagement ring, in the jewellery box that was on my dressing table.
I had not been in this room for a long time.
I just could not face it.
But it looked the same since I had last been in it.
I looked at my bed, thoughts of me and Emilio in it, making love came rushing back.
The nuns gave me a cross, and I hid it under my clothes, this would be the only thing of any meaning, I would wear with pride now. I took hold of it to calm my nerves,
Hail Mary mother of god, give me strength, now in our hour of need. I kept repeating it. Trying, to control my breathing.
I needed to be out of that room.
When I came out of the room Samantha, was there.
Mum, are you ok, you look ill, and what were you doing in dad’s room, she asked looking worried.
Not knowing what to really say, and still in a stake of shock, I made up a lie that I tripped and fell into the door, and it opened.
I think she knew I was lying as she knew I had not been in that room for over a year.
Then she noticed the cross hanging from my neck.
I quickly put it under my tshirt .
Sweating I told her not to worry about me, I was fine, and she should go back and play with Joseph and Harvey.
Silly mum tripping up, I said trying to make light of the situation.
But she was not daft.
Mum, she said, reaching out to cuddle me, I know you and dad are going to part.
Holding her tight, and trying not to cry, I said, who knows what will happen love.
She replied, you are no longer wearing your wedding ring, so you and dad, must be splitting up.
God she was cleaver, but I think when I went back down stairs the others would notice also.
I told her not to worry about it now, and seeing we had guests, I didn’t want any arguing with her dad tonight, so let’s not say any more for now.
She agreed, kissed me on the cheek, and went back to josephs room.
I went back to the bathroom cleaned my face up, and then went back down stairs, to be with the others.
Nicole and Gilb stayed for a few hours. They both tried to make conversation between me and Emilio, but my mind was elsewhere.
I think Nicole gave up in the end and hinted on to Gilb it was time to go.
I felt terrible not really wanting to talk with them. They were my best friends, but I would also be leaving them behind, on my new path in life.
I hoped in time they would forgive me.
When they went, I made the kids packed lunches for school then headed for bed.
Emilio wanted to talk with me, but i told him i was tired, and not feeling great.
But we need to discuss the kids birthday which was coming up.
I told him I would go along with what he and James decided, then I walked away.
The next day I dropped the kids off at school, then went straight to the hair dressers.
I went to one where no one would know me.
When I asked, the stylist to cut all of my hair off, but I wanted to keep it, she asked me three times if I was sure.
I did love my hair, but I was doing this so others could have a better life.
The hair dresser tied my hair up, platted it, then cut it off.
When she passed me my hair, I looked at it and started to cry.
The hair dressers, bent down, and asked if I was ok.
I told her I would be in time, as I explained why I had wanted my hair cut.
She smiled at me at said that is was a kind thing to do.
She told me she would give me a new style, that would suite me, and she would not charge me for it.
I was to give the money, I would of paid for the hair cut to the same charity my hair was going to.
When she had finished, I looked for ages in the mirror.
It would take some time to get use to it but I liked the hair cut.
I thanked her, and with my hair bagged up I went straight to the monastery.
When it was time to pick the kids up, a few of the mothers commented on my hair. Some were shocked I had cut off my long hair, and others really liked it.
When the twins came, out they both had mixed reactions
Joseph liked it, but Samantha did not, in fact she started to cry.
Did dad make you cut your hair off, she asked, why I tried to calm her down.
No love, dad has not seen it yet, I said giving her a hug.
I knew he would not like it but, it was my hair I could what I wanted with it.
Emilio was not home. I had not told him of my plans, and he did not tell me of his.
I did wonder if he was out singing somewhere, I hoped so. But then I had visions of him with Olivia, and it made me shiver.
He came home just before the kids went to bed. When he saw me, his face looked shocked.
He gave the kids a kiss and a hug, and Joseph ran on up to bed, but Samantha was holding on tight to him
She still did not like my hair cut and had hardly spoken to me all evening. I knew that fact she didn’t have long left at her school was playing on her mind as well, not to mention me and her father not getting on. I think she hoped our holiday would sort things out. And she came to realise it had not.
Emilio asked her if she was ok. She told him, she was sad, because we were not friends any more, and wanted it back to how it was before. Emilio kissed her head, and then she went off to bed. But she gave me a dirty look before she went. It hurt me big time.
I went off to make the kids packed lunches, and Emilio followed me into the kitchen.
When did u decide you wanted your hair cut, he asked me.
I carried on making the kids school lunches, and told him I just wanted a change.
He went over to make himself a coffee.
I liked your hair long he said, while he waited for the kettle to boil.
I could feel an argument coming on, but I held it in.
He made his coffee, and came and stood next to me.
You’re not wearing your wedding rings either he said.
I had finished the kid’s lunches, and put them in the fridge.
Liz why are you ignoring me, he asked raising his voice.
I turned around, and said to him
Liked you ignored me all those times I asked what happened with Olivia.
He put his head down.
I went up to him and right in his face I told him,
You do your thing, and I will do mine as long as the kids are ok that’s all that matters.
He looked me in the eyes.
I looked back into his.
Then I turned and walked away off up to bed.