Just over two years later.
Mum will you check its fixed right at the back, I said.
Mum came rushing into the front room, to see if my dress was fixed properly at the back.
Yes it looks fine love, she said.
I looked in the mirror.
Well it will have to do I said.
You look lovely, mum said appearing behind me in the mirror.
You see this was my wedding day.
And I was also due to give birth.
So I was as big as a whale.
But I was still not sure I was doing the right thing.
I had decided to stay with James.
He moved from Scotland, down to just outside London, seeing him and the band had had some success, with the new album.
He had been touring with the band, and they were writing another album.
I still felt guilty about knocking him out that night.
And I felt I owed it to him to stay around.
So I moved in with him, and we became a couple.
One thing lead to another, and here I was, about to marry him.
Should you not be on your way, dad said, as he came in to see what was happening.
Yes love I am going now, but Liz called me in, mum told him.
Then Nicole and my sister appeared.
They were my bridesmaids.
They wore blue dresses, to go with my blue and while huge wedding dress.
The cars are waiting, Nicole shouted over.
I turned to her.
She smiled and gave me a wink.
I smiled back, almost welling up.
Me, and her, had remained friends like in the dream.
And I could tell her everything.
She knew I was marrying James, out of guilt, not because I really wanted to.
But she told me, time, and time again, I had done nothing wrong, and if I was not sure, I should not be marry him, pregnant or not.
Mum said she would see me soon.
She kissed my cheek, then, followed behind Nicole, and my sister, out to their car.
Dad stayed with me.
I was glad some of the dream never played out.
Or my dad would not be here, with me now.
He was still a twat most of the time, but he was still my dad.
And he was giving me away, to a man two years older than him.
Well Liz things have come together for you at last he said.
Just as well you listened to your old dad, he said trying to be Mr Right.
What a prick I thought to myself.
It was my choice to stay and marry James, not yours, I said under my breath.
What's that dad said?
Oh nothing, I replied.
The photographer, came into the front room, and said he wanted a few photos of us both together.
God, I looked a right state, even if it was my wedding day.
Come on Liz dad said grabbing me, trying to be dad of the year.
The photographer took a few photos, then said he would take some more of us getting into the car.
That meant it was time to go.
This was real, and this was of my choosing.
We were getting married at Kenwood house.
It was a lovely old stately home, now used for weddings and functions.
James had picked it seeing it was not far from where we were living.
We were not going on honey moon, seeing I was due to give birth, within the next week.
But James had made sure today would be special.
The whole wedding, was sort of rushed, I wanted to wait until I had the baby.
So I was not as excited, as I should of been.
All our families, and friends, had come to share the day with us.
So I had to pretend, I was happy for them and for James.
What a circus, it was, when dad tried to help me out of the car when we finally arrived.
It was bad enough getting into the car in my state, but getting out was twice as worse.
Hold on a minute dad, I shouted.
The photographer was waiting to take photos, and mum and my bridesmaids were also watching on.
Who's fucking idea was this, I said, to myself, oh yes mine.
In the end Nicole came over to help me.
When I finally got out of the car and got sorted out, Nicole asked me if I was ok.
Not really, but hey it's paid for now I said.
Liz you still have time, to change your mind, Nicole whispered to me.
I did think about it.
Then dad brought me back to my senses, but telling me to come along.
I gave Nicole a wink, pulled down my vale, and walked over towards dad.
As dad walked me toward James, down the aisle, the prince of Denmark's march was being played.
I looked around at all the guests.
On my side, I could pick out Caroline, jenny, Bev, and Gilb, who was sat with Nicole's family, amongst everyone dad had invited.
Dad had even invited family he had not spoken to in years, just to show off.
On James's side, apart from his family, I could see his band mates, and their wives, and other members of bands who were having success in the charts along with James back in the 80's.
And terry and Gary were also here.
Terry had still not announced to the world he was gay, so he had hired a model to act as his latest girlfriend.
He had been labelled a play boy, in the press, as he always had different woman hanging off his arm.
It made him more noticeable, so he was getting good movie roles.
But if the fans, and critics knew the truth, it could put an end to his career, so for now he had to keep up this facade.
My sister clocked terry, and tried to make eye contact, but he looked away.
No chance I thought, laughing to myself.
James stood at the front wearing a kilt, like he did in the dream.
His brother was his best man.
And he was also in a kilt.
Finally as the music ended, I was now stood next to James.
Dad passed my hand to his.
James took hold of it.
He patted my bump with his other hand.
He was looking forward to being a dad.
We had not discovered the sex.
I should of been more excited for the birth of my baby, but I kept thinking back to the twins.
How bad a mother was I?
Pinning for imaginary children, when I was carrying a real baby.
But dream or no dream, I remember bringing my dream twins into the dream world.
The registrar had started.
But I was not concentrating.
My mid thought back to marrying James in the dream, and then marrying Emilio, then marrying Emilio again, on the beach, then dying.
Liz, James said.
The registrar had asked if I took this man to be my wedded husband, and I had not heard any of it.
I did not even hear her say if there is anyone here, who should declare these two should not marry please say now, or forever hold your peace.
Are you ok James asked?
The whole room was waiting for me to say, I do.
But did I?
I had said I would change everything for the better.
But I was still following the dream.
Just in a jumbled up mess.
I turned to look at Nicole.
She gave me a smile as if to say it's your choice Liz.
I then looked at my dad.
He was giving a look, as if to say, come on hurry up.
My heart started beating faster.
If Emilio would just walk in now, I would run into his arms.
But I did not continue to follow what Emilio was doing.
I decided, if he was ever to come into my life again, then it was meant to be.
But I would not go and chase him.
I still pinned for him so badly, but if the dream was right he would come into my life again at some point.
But when, and where?
I turned back to face James.
He looked worried.
This was my choice, I thought to myself.
I do I said, looking at James.
James smiled, and squeezed my hands.
Then the registrar, asked him if he would take me to be his wedded wife.
He smiled, and said yes I do.
I looked over at Nicole, she just smiled.
But I knew, she thought I was making a big mistake.
I now pronounce you husband and wife, the registrar said.
That was it, I was married.
Everyone in the room clapped.
You may now kiss the bride, the registrar said to James.
He lifted my vale and kissed me, passionately on the mouth.
Just enjoy the moment I thought.
Then I felt the baby kick.
I rubbed my belly.
The registrar then told us to follow her, to sign the register.
Our whiteness's got up, and followed behind us.
10 minutes later everything was signed.
Then me, and James walked back down the aisle, while Felix Mendelssohn's wedding march played.
Everyone was looking at us.
James held tight hold of my hand, while nodding at people.
I just smiled.
We had more photos taken.
It must of taken nearly an hour, as we had to get all the family, and friends photos taken as well.
I was knackered, now.
I just wanted to eat then sleep.
James kept asking me if I was ok.
I just wanted me bed, but I told James, I was fine
Sitting down at the top table, looking out at all our guests, I should of felt on top of the world.
But I didn't.
We ate, then, it was time for the speeches.
I was dreading what dad was going to say.
He had been rehearsing it for weeks.
This would be his moment of glory.
I looked at mum and charlotte.
Mum pulled a face as if to say, give him a chance, where as charlotte, gave a nasty grin like she knew I was in for trouble.
Ladies and gentlemen, dad said standing proud, holding his notes, next to me.
Today I gave my daughter away, to a man....
My dad went on and on, about how much he admired James, and how I could of gone down a different route, if not for meeting him.
James was loving it.
I was fuming.
In the two years I had been with James, I had to keep him off the drink as he was slipping back into his old ways.
Anyone who knows, or who has lived with one, knows an alcoholic will always find away to get drink.
James was off the drink now as he wanted to prove what a good dad he could be, and I told him, if I caught him drinking, I would not marry him.
Seeing I had been a drunk in the dream, I was sure in this life, I was not going back down that road again.
But if I wasn't pregnant, at this moment in time, I would of drunk the bar dry, thanks to dad and his fucking speech.
Then dad told everyone what a difficult child I had been, but had finally come good, again thanks to James.
I wished the ground would just swallow me up.
Dad was still going on, when I decided enough was enough.
Putting on an act, I made on I had a strong pain and yelled out loud, not now.
Dad shut up, and James asked if I was ok.
Still pretending, and knowing everyone was watching me, I said I would just go to the toilet, and hoped it was nothing.
I looked for Nicole and she came over and helped me up.
Dads face was in shock.
Not because I was in agony, but because I had stopped him and his great speech.
Helping me, out of the dining room and towards the toilets, and making sure no one could see or hear me, I stopped pretending to be in pain and turned to Nicole and said, oh thank fuck for that.
Your bad Nicole said laughing.
Well my dad thinks, he's Mr fucking right, and I had, had enough I said to her.
She was now giggling.
And I began to as well.
Just down from us was the ball room where we would be heading to in a bit.
I looked as people were walking in getting it ready for us all.
I watched as musicians went in, carrying their instruments.
Look Nicole, he has booked an orchestra, I said to her, pointing.
She looked as people were walking in holding cases, containing the instrument they were playing.
I thought he might of just got up to sing with the band, I told Nicole.
We walked over to have a peep inside.
The room was huge.
And we could see the orchestra setting up.
Others, were setting up speakers and sorting out the lighting.
So do you think he has booked a famous singer then for your first dance, Nicole said to me.
Who knows I replied still watching what was going on.
I am not to know this is happening remember, I said to Nicole, amazed by what I was seeing.
The room was so beautiful.
Then I heard two voices behind me.
They began to get louder as they came closer.
It was two men chatting.
One was explaining to the other, that it was good of him to step in at the last moment.
I knew the voice, of the one saying, well I hope they are not disappointed.
I turned around and coming up to enter the ball room, was Emilio.
He was talking with a man, who was in charge of the entertainment for the night.
Nicole looked at me, saw my face, and turned around.
No way, I said trying to catch my breath.
Then they approached us.