The Spaces In Between

Chapter Seventeen

[Alex’s POV]

“Alexander, my baby, are you okay?!” My mother cried, rushing into my hospital room. Even though she’d gotten the call about what happened to me hours ago, work wouldn’t let her leave.

“Mom, I’m fine. Just a little banged up,” I said. She kissed my forehead and then my black and blue hand.

“I’m sorry it took so long to get here.”

“It’s okay. Jack here kept me company,” I said, nodding in his direction.

From the chair he was sitting in, Jack waved a little. My mother nodded.

“Th-Thank you,” she said before turning back to me. “What’s the consensus? When did they say you can go home?”

“Four broken ribs, a fractured wrist—hence the brace—uh, spilt open lip, a gash on my forehead.” I pushed back my fringe, showing off the cut. My mother gasped. “And lots and lots of bruising. But other than all that I’m just fine.”

“This isn’t something to joke about, Alex. What happened? Who did this to you?”

“Just some jerks at school. It doesn’t matter.”

“Alex, are you kidding?” Jack got up from his seat. “You could have died. If no one found you in the middle of that hallway, you could have died.”

“You think I don’t know that?” I snapped. “What’s going to happen? Someone tells the Board of Ed. that this happened and what, those three get suspended for a month? Big deal.”

“Alex, there is a no tolerance policy for bullying at that school. Those kids are getting expelled,” Isobel said.

“Yeah, and I’m the kid who got the best football players on the team kicked out of school. Then I’ll have the rest of the school after my ass.”

“Alex, don’t worry about that now, okay? Let’s just focus on getting you better.” Alex leaned on his mother a second, seeming to be able to relax more with her around.

I looked down at my watch and then said, “I better go. My mom doesn’t know I made an unexpected trip to the hospital.”

“Hey, what about May?” Alex asked, his eyes drooping.

“Don’t worry, I called Rian. He’s on the job.”

Alex nodded and reached out his fist. I pounded it softly, smiling down at him and really wishing I could kiss him. But mommy dearest was watching.

“I’ll come by tomorrow after school, okay?”

Alex nodded. “Make sure Rian and Zack know what’s up, okay? Don’t want them missing me too much.”

“Yeah, yeah princess, I will.”

_ _ _

The phone call came at around 3:30am.

Half asleep and delirious I searched for my phone and found it hidden under my pillow.

“’ello?” I grumbled, turning on my lamp and sitting up in bed.

“Jack? I’m sorry it’s so late but—”

“Alex? N-no, it’s alright. I was up anyway.”

“No you weren’t.”

“Well, be happy that I am now,” I said. “What’s up, Gaskarth?”

I heard the rustling of sheets. “I-I—god, I feel ridiculous.”

I rubbed at my eye. “You can’t sleep, can you?”

“It’s so creepy here, Jack! The fucking buttons beeping everywhere and everyone’s talking or screaming outside in the hallway. I can’t even—”

“Alex, Alex, calm down, kid. Here.” I grabbed my laptop and set it in front of me. “Do you have your Mac with you?”

“Y-Yeah. Why?”

“Go on Skype.”

I waited until the little icon thingy next to his face turned green which meant he was online to Call him. Alex accepted it and slowly appeared on my screen. He gave a smile and a wave but clearly looked exhausted.

I waved. “Hi,”

Alex waved back. “Hello there.”

“I’m sorry you’re alone at the hospital.”

“It’s okay, my mom was here as long as she could. They kicked her out around midnight,” he said with a laugh.

“I’m sure she put up one hell of a fight to stay,” I said.

Alex smiled a little. “You bet she did,” he said, muffling a yawn into his shoulder.

It made me feel sad that he was so uncomfortable in that place and I couldn’t be there for him, physically be there and comfort him.

So I did what I could do.

“Get comfortable, Alex. Okay? I want to sing you something I’ve been teaching myself on guitar.”

“Okay,” he said. He took the laptop and set it besides him and then shimmied down into the blankets, tucking them over his shoulder and around his neck. And then he followed in suit and turned onto his side so he was facing the computer. He smiled through the webcam.

“Are we comfortable?” I asked.

“I’m comfortable,” he confirmed.

“Alright, good. Now just close your eyes.” I waited until he did so. “Now I know it sounds like a cliché that music can put you to sleep, but it always worked for me when I was a kid.” I strummed the guitar lightly, trying to keep my voice down.

“Now bear with me, okay? I’ve been teaching myself the song for a while now but that doesn’t mean I’m any good at it.

That made Alex laugh. “No judgment here,” he said.

I just smiled to myself even though he wouldn’t see it and started the song.

There are no words,
To paint a picture of you boy.
Your eyes and those curves,
Is like your from some other world.
You walking my way,
Oh God is so frustrating.
So why do I disappear,
When you come near,
It makes me feel so small.
Why do I blow my lies,
Most every time,
Like I've got no chance at all.

If I could your superman,
Flying to the stars,
And back again.
Cause every time you touch my hand,
And you feel my powers, running through your veins.
But I can only write this song,
And tell you, That I'm not that strong.
Cause I'm no superman,
I hope you like me as I am.

No it ain't no lie,
I have to tell you how I feel.
But each time that I try,
It gets a little more unreal.
You say my name,
Oh God I can't stop shaking.
So why do I disappear,
When you come near.
It makes me feel so small.
If I could read your mind,
Girl would I find,
Any trace of me at all.

If I could be your superman,
Flying to the stars,
And back again.
Cause every time you touch my hand,
You feel my powers, running through your veins.
Well I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
Cause I'm no superman,
I hope you like me as I-I am, La la

If I could be your superman,
Flying to the stars,
And back again.
Cause every time you touch my hand,
You feel my powers, running through your veins.
Well I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
Cause I'm no superman-an-an,
I hope you like me as I am.

Even though I knew Alex fell asleep half way through the song, his breathing had become long, slow breaths, and the harsh lines in his face washed away – I still sang and strummed my guitar until the song was over.

Keeping quiet because he was still on webcam, I laid my guitar down in its open case on the floor and laid opposite of the boy sleeping in the computer screen.

I placed the back of my hand on his cheek. “Goodnight, Alex.”

_ _ _

“Knock, knock!”

My head shot up from my laptop. “Lisa, hey!”

She came over and threw her arms around my neck.

“Ah, careful, careful,” I warned her.

She pulled back instantly but dropped a kiss on my forehead. “Oh Monkey, what did they do to you?”

“I guess my “new kid” initiation at school finally caught up to me.”

“Aw, honey.” She sat down at the end of the bed and gripped my blanket covered toes, probably the only part of me that didn’t hurt.

“They did it because I wouldn’t admit that Jack was gay. For some reason he doesn’t want anyone at school to know. Lisa, I couldn’t do that to him—”

“Alex, I know.” She squeezed my feet. “But you could have been in more serious damage than a few broken ribs if you weren’t found in time. You could have died.”

“That seems to be everyone’s favorite thing to say around me.” I leaned my head back against the pillow. “I was able to defend myself. Even for the short amount.” I lifted my swollen hand to her.

Lisa frowned and cradled it between her palms. “You poor broken thing,” she said, trying very hard to put a smile back on her face. “Are they treating you well here?”

“I guess. The food’s crap and the bed is rock hard. But I get to go home tonight so complaining is pretty much useless at this point.”

“How did you sleep last night?”

I shook my head. “Don’t even ask. As soon as my mom left, it was downhill from there,” I said. “Well, until I called Jack.”

“What did he do?”

I smiled a little. “He sung me to sleep. Played me a beautiful song on his guitar over Skype.”

“Aw! Come on, now. You can’t say you don’t have feelings for someone like him,” she pressed.

“I don’t want to . . . but I can’t help it, Lisa. You should have seen him on my first day school. He was the nicest person you’d ever meet. But it seems like he’s only like that with his friends.”

“Maybe it’s a trust thing,” Lisa said. “Maybe he’s been hurt so many times that he can’t trust anyone but the ones who trust him.”

I sighed. “I never thought about that.” I looked up at her. “We got in a big argument over Emma and I’s relationship and his and I’s relationship. And this was all after I told her I loved her.”

“Geez,” Lisa said. “Let me just get myself comfortable - you’ve got quite the story to tell me.”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t like . . . that we’re all connected. Emma and I, Jack and I—Emma and Jack being better friends because of me. It’s bad, it’s so so bad.”

“You have to be honest with yourself, Alex. Who do you want more? Because playing this game on seeing whoever lasts the longest isn’t fair for anybody.”

In that moment, I couldn’t decide between Emma and Jack even if I was forced to. They both meant so much to me – choosing between two people who hold the biggest parts of you, the two that hold you together—it could just be the hardest decision I ever end up making.

But even though knowing how greatly my feelings were for both of them, I knew one of them held onto me just a little bit harder.

_ _ _

Later that night, I was finally discharged. And I had a full escort.

Rian showed up, happy to see I was alive. Of course Jack was there because, well, he always was. Lisa never left my side. My parents were here as well.

But I was surprised I didn’t see Emma.

I rode home with my parents and Lisa while the guys tailgated the whole way. I was pretty beat, leaning my head against Lisa’s shoulder and fighting to keep my eyes open.

Once we made it home, the guys, Lisa and I headed downstairs to our family’s rec room. Just a flat screen with some black couches and a foosball table.

“Easy there, Gaskarth,” Jack said as I sat down on the couch, groaning as every bone in my body screamed at me. Jack draped his arm over mine casually and then rested his chin. I would have smiled if the muscles in my face actually wanted to respond.

“I think we’re overstaying our welcome,” Rian said, grinning down at me. “Alex looks exhausted.”

“A little pale too,” Lisa said from behind me, leaning over the couch and stroked my cheek with the back of her hand.

“Alex, we’ll leave and come back tomorrow, okay? You need your rest, man.” Rian patted my shoulder.

“Al-al right. Sounds like a good plan.” I held out my fist to him and he pounded it with his own before heading back upstairs.

Lisa came around the couch and crouched down in front of me. Before she could speak I said, “Don’t leave. Stay over night . . . please?”

She smiled. Very widely. “I’ll show myself to the guest room. I’ll see you in the morning.” She leant forward and kissed my cheek and then quickly pressed one to Jack’s.

“Take care of him, alright?” She asked.

“You got it,” he said. I watched as Lisa climbed the stairs and closed my eyes when I heard the door click shut.

“I. Am so. Tired,” I said with a little chuckle.

“Let’s get you right to bed then, yeah?” Jack said.

“Don’t wanna move,” I mumbled.

Jack’s laugh was warm and the sweetest sound my ears have ever heard. Even though my eyes were closed, I could just see it. He’d look down, shielding his eyes, trying to hide but you could see the curve of his lips, that beautiful smile before his mouth would open and the sound of his laughter would be all I would hear.

I opened my eyes and found him smiling his hand frozen in the air. When he caught me staring, the hand fell away.

“Blankets and pillows are in the closet,” I said, spreading myself out on the couch. There was plenty of room for Jack but after handing me what I needed, he went down to the floor.

“Jack, you don’t have to sleep on the ground,” I said. My voice was hoarse and weak and didn’t sound like me at all.

He peered up at me. “I wouldn’t want to . . . hit anything.”

“There’s plenty of wiggle room.” When he still looked hesitant, I added, “Look, I still feel terrible for all the horrible things I said to you. I—I don’t know how I else I can fix this.”

Jack looked at me for a long minute before sighing and crawling over to the couch. “Look at you, getting all emotional over nothing.” His voice was deep and hushed as his cupped my cheek with his palm. I pressed into the touch.

“I fucked up so badly. I could have lost you—I should have. You deserve better than this. You do, Jack, you deserve better. You’re worthy of someone who isn’t confused and is confident in themselves and isn’t so emotional. You deserve someone who is stronger, who you can depend on. Someone who will step in and pick you up when you just can’t take it anymore. That’s not me, Jack—I can’t be that person for you.”

Jack’s face morphed into an almost angry expression. “What makes you think I need any of that? Alex, I’m here okay? Here with you. Which means I don’t want someone who is all those things. I want to be that person for you.” He leaned in closer, both of his hands cupping my face now. “I want to be strong one and I want to be able to pick you up when you’re at your weakest. I want to be someone that you can depend on and who you’re not afraid to be yourself with.

“I don’t let myself go with people all that often,” he said in a very quiet voice. “I don’t give myself fully over to them, y’know? I’m always one foot in but one foot still sturdy on the ground of my uncertainties. I feel safer that way for some reason. I guess what I’m trying to say is that with you I’m not . . . scared.”

If he thought I was emotional before, I wonder what he thought of me now. I raised my hand to his face, desperately wanting to kiss him. “I don’t ever want you to be scared, not with me. I want to be everything that makes you feel safe.”

“Alex, you are. You really fucking are. And I don’t think I ever thanked you for that.” He got up from the floor only to sit on the side of the couch cushion and hover over me.

Right as I thought he would kiss me he whispered, “Thank you, Alex. For reminding what it’s like to be in love.”

A/N: Hello lovely people of the internet who just read this chapter (: I'm sorry it's been like a week since I've updated. I have no real excuse other than it being the last two weeks of my summer and writing this story isn't one of my top priorities. I'll try to update faster but I start school on Monday so you're just going to have to bear with me.

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~ Vicky