"Uh.. I guess i'll.. see you.. later then," i said to Nina as she slipped on her Vans and sweatshirt.
"I guess so," she replied, smiling small at me. Nina has been here for about three hours now. And ever since that kiss between us, things have been more than awkward. Which was completely different for both of us. It was nothing like the reactions we'd have towards each other after our kisses in the past. Everything really was going to be different now, and as much as i hate admitting that, i can't deny it anymore. Which sucks. Thinking back to it now, i wish i never would have let her kiss me a few hours ago. Kissing her just reminded me of how much i was completely head over heals for her, setting myself up for more misery when she's actually gone and out of my life. But at the same time, i'm so glad that kiss did happen. It was nice being able to feel her lips on mine once more. That feeling i will never get tired of. Ever.
"Um.. Justin?" she said, interrupting my thoughts.
"Uh.. do you think you could give me a ride? My car's still at school."
"Oh.. uh.. right, yeah sure," i replied. I don't know why i've been sounding so nervous around her lately. I think it might be because i don't want to do anything or say anything stupid that will make her hate me even more than she already does..
I slipped o my Supras and my sweatshirt.
"I'll be right back," i called to my mom. She replied with an 'okay.'
Nina opened the door and stepped out into the wintery air. I followed right behind her, closing the door securely after me. We walked over to my Range Rover and got in. We both buckled our seat belts and i started up the car. As i slowly pulled out of the driveway and onto the busy road, i looked over at Nina through the corner of my eye. I couldn't help but notice how tense she was. Was it really that bad sitting here with me? Was she really that upset about everything that she actually feels more uncomfortable around me? I couldn't help but sigh then, knowing that i'm to blame for this sour mood she's constantly in now. God, i hate myself sometimes.
The rest of the ride to Nina's was just as awkward. Throughout the full fifteen minutes it took to get to Nina's, not a word was said between the two of us. She didn't even look at me. Or even in my direction. Eventually when we arrived at Nina's, she did thank me for the ride and said goodbye. But that was about it. At least she said something, though, right?
Nina stepped out of the car and walked up the stairs to her house. There she goes. She's gone. Along with our friendship. Realizing this, i felt my heart break for the 1850283th time this week. I still can't believe this. It's actually happening now. I don't know when the next time i'm going to see her might be.. if there even is a next time..
I sighed again and slowly pulled out of her driveway and started on my short journey home. As much as i didn't want to, i had to go home. I know my mom would want to ask me questions about mine and Nina's relationship, and i knew that even if i didn't return home immediately, she would eventually try to get the answers out of me. I might as well just get it over with, right?
Fifteen minutes later, i pulled up in my driveway. I could see mom in the kitchen through the window, leaning over the sink. I turned the car off, retrieved the key from the ignition, and unbuckled my seat belt. I slowly opened the door, stepped out, and made my way up to the house, unwillingly. I didn't want to hear anything my mom had to say about me and Nina. Especially when it came to our relationship. She just doesn't understand anything that's going on right now.
But maybe i'll get lucky and she won't ask me anything.
But i highly doubt that will happen. Or not happen. However you wanna look at it.
I opened the front door and stepped in, closing it again behind me. I slipped off my shoes and sweatshirt and sat down on the couch in the living room.
Only seconds later, just like i had expected would happen, mom walked in the room and sat next to me. She had a plate and a towel in her hand.
"So.. What's going on with you two?" she asked me, scrubbing the plate.
"It's like one day you aren't talking, the next you're getting along. I'm just so confused," she told me. Me too.
"Well you won't have to be confused anymore," i replied.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, Nina and i aren't friends anymore.." i said, looking down at my lap, ashamed.
"Excuse me?" she said, shocked. She stopped scrubbing the dish and looked at me. "What do you mean you two aren't friends anymore?"
I shrugged again.
"What did you do, Justin?" she asked.
I didn't know if i should tell her the truth or not.
If i did, she'd be so disappointed in me, which would make me even more miserable than i already am.
But if i lied.. wait.. i can't lie. Because i can't think of a good excuse to tell her. I suppose i could say that we've been drifting apart, but there's no way in hell mom would believe me. And.. that's about all i got. I guess that limits it down to only one available option.
I sighed and responded with, "I.. uh.. well.. Selena and Nina don't really get along.."
"And.. Nina.. kinda.. made me.. chose," i said, not meeting eye contact.
"Made you chose? Like, between Nina and Selena?"
"And you chose Selena."
I nodded again, placing my elbows upon my knees and placing my face in my hands. I closed my eyes tight, readying myself for the lecture mom was most likely about to divulge.
"i'm very disappointed in you, Justin," she said. "Why on Earth would you throw away such a healthy friendship of, what, fourteen years, for your girlfriend? Didn't you care about Nina?"
"Yes of course. I-"
"Didn't you really like her?"
"Then i just don't see why you would want to lose all of that. Nina had been there for you every time you needed her. She was there when our house burnt down in 2003, she was there when you were running out of food to survive, she was there when cousin Ashlyn died years ago. She's been there for you every step of the way, Justin, and then you go and do this to her. I really thought i raised you better than that," she said. She quickly stood up and walked back into the kitchen. I sighed, feeling tears start to come to my eyes. She was right. Nina was there for me most of my life. And now.. ugh. Look what i've done. I'm a horrible person. I hate myself. I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me over my bitchy girlfriend.. What have i done?
I stepped into my house and slipped off my shoes. Jeez. I swear, that was the most awkward car ride i have EVER had with Justin. It felt very weird not allowing myself to talk to him. But i guess it was something that i would have to get used to. And i knew that eventually i would. Well, i hoped for it anyways. I know it'll be hard for a while. I just have to give it time.
"Nina, you're home!" Mom said, cheerfully, walking into the kitchen.
"Yeah," i replied, sitting down in a chair at the table. Mom came and sat across from me.
"So.. which one?" she asked me, holding out two different invitations. One of them was white with purple lacing around the edge and the other was with with silver around the edge. By the look of their other plans and designs, there was going to be a lot of purple involved. They might as well throw in another color too.
"That one," i said pointing to the one with the white lacing.
"That's what i was thinking too," she said and turned around and walked out of the kitchen. I sighed and got up from my seat. I dragged myself upstairs into my room. I dropped my purse on the floor and plopped down on my bed. I slowly laid down. I stared up at the ceiling for a while, wondering what things will be like when mom and Troy are finally married. We'll move, I know that. And then what? I'll have to start all over. I'll have to make new friends. Create a whole new life. Which would be a good thing.. and a bad thing. It will be good because I get to get away from Selena and Justin. And since i don't have many friends here, maybe i'll make even more in Atlanta. But on the bad side, i'll have to leave my friends that i have now.. and Justin. Now don't get me wrong, i don't want to be near justin or really have any type of relationship with him at the moment. But i DO still want him in my life, even if it is just barely. I still want to see him. Now, i don't mean going over to visit him or anything, but i would still like to actually be able to steal a glance at him every now and then just to see those gorgeous eyes and that amazing smile. I sighed thinking about it. No, no, Nina do NOT do this again. I shook my head, trying to get the mental image of Justin out of my head. Luckily my thoughts (and fantasies) were interrupted by a faint knock at my door.
"Come in," i said.
The door opened and Mom took a step in.
"Just thought i'd let you know.. Since tomorrow's Saturday, Pattie and i are going shopping.. and i wanted to know if you'd like to come with us. I thought that you might want to help me pick out my dress," she said.
"Yeah, sure i'll go."
She smiled, "Okay," then walked out, shutting the door after her. I sighed. Let the wedding begin.