I stepped out of the car, leaving my bags behind in the backseat. I slowly walked over to Sarah side and we both walked up to her house. There was a distinct oder about the place that got stronger and stronger with every step we took. It was like a mixture of animal urine and smoke. It was terrible. (again, no offense to Sarah. i'm sure her house isn't really like that :P)
We walked up the stairs and she unlocked the door. She walked in and turned around, waiting for me to follow. I hesitated before stepping foot inside the trailer. I didn't want to be rude and bolt right then and there. I'll stay for a while and leave after (or maybe even before) dinner. I'll use the excuse that i have tons of homework. Yeah, that'll work.
As i stepped in, the smell of urine slowly faded, but was soon covered by the scent of more smoke. Damn.
I looked down at my shoes, preparing to take them off when Sarah said, "Oh you don't have to do that. You're fine. You can leave your shoes off."
Really? I don't think i've ever been to a friend's house where i don't have to take off my shoes. But whatever. I followed her into the kitchen. It was a mess. There were dirty dishes that were starting to mold, over flowing the sink. trash not only filled the trash can, but the counters also. There were mud tracks on the floor and cigarette butts left all over the place. How can someone live like this?
"Come on, I'll give you a tour of the house," she said. Honestly, i wasn't sure i wanted to see any more. I just really wanted to leave.
But i followed anyways.
She led me through the kitchen. Directly at the end of it was a narrow hallway. The hallway's carpet was a dark tan-ish color, thought it was clearly darkened by dirt. We walked a few feel until we reached another room to our right.
"This is the living room," she said. I looked around. There was a couch in the far right corner with a unhealthy looking siamese cat siting on it. A coffee table sat in front of the couch with two ash trays and a dirty plate and fork with flys flying around it on either side. Then there was a fifty inch plasma screen tv against the wall directly across from the couch and coffee table. Damn. How could they afford a plasma screen but live here?
And that was it in that room. That's all the furniture they had. Crazy.
I nodded to her, signaling for her to move on.
We continued walking down the hall until we reached a closed door. I immediately coughed from the strong smell of smoke. It filled my lungs.
"Sorry 'bout that," Sarah said. "That's my mom's room."
I nodded again. We continued walking until we reached another door to our left this time.
"This is the bathroom," she said as i peeked in. It was a very small bathroom. There was a small fairly clean sink on the left wall and a tub directly across from it. I'm guessing there was only a couple feet between the two. Then on the far wall, there was an almost black toilet. Like, seriously. I swear i have never seen a toilet so dirty in my life. Oh my God. I nodded once again and walked down the hall a few more feet. We finally reached the end off the hall. The final door was to our left, closed.
"And this-" she said, reaching for the handle, "-is my room." She slowly opened the door and revealed her room to me. It was nice. Probably the cleanest in the whole house. But of course that doesn't mean it was spotless. There were still a few dirty dishes and plastic cups here and there, but it wasn't as bad as the other rooms.
The walls were a dirty white color. In the far corner of her room, there was a queen sized bed pushed up against the wall with light purple sheets. Beside her bed stood a small bedstand with a lamp with no lampshade on it. Then, across the room, was her dresser. And that was it for her room too. Wow. They really don't have, like, any furniture in this house.
I followed Sarah into her room and we both sat down on the edge of her bed which, luckily, was clean. Or looked it anyway.
"So, what do ya think?" she asked me, smiling.
"It's nice," i lied.
She nodded slowly and looked away.
"I hate this place so much," she whispered. I look at her.
"Why's that?" i asked.
She shrugged. "It just feels like a frigging prison."
She shrugged again. "Just does."
I dropped the topic then. I could tell it was a sensitive subject for her to discuss and i didn't want to pressure her into spilling anything she didn't want to or feel comfortable spilling.
About an hour or so passed. We had been talking about Ryan and their relationship when suddenly the front door to the house slammed. "Dammit!" I heard someone exclaim in frustration. It sounded like a woman, maybe in her late forties. Sarah rolled her eyes and looked down at the floor.
"That's my mom," she said. I nodded, understanding.
"Are you going to introduce me?" i asked her, softly.
She shrugged again. "Maybe later. I don't really wanna see her right now."
I nodded and just sat there. We were both silent for a few minutes, just listening to her mom cuss and yell at someone, i'm guessing, on the phone. It was either that or she's highly schizophrenic. But i doubt that's the issue in this case.
Ten minutes later we were still sitting there, silent, listening to her mom rant about how her boyfriend wants to be in a relationship with her and his other girlfriend. I noticed Sarah rolling her eyes every once in a while.
It was pretty awkward. We just sat there, barely glancing at each other. I was actually debating with myself if i would leave. But then i decided i wouldn't for a few reasons. 1.) Because i didn't want to seem rude by only staying for just over and hour, and 2.) because i didn't really want to go out there while her mom is clearly pissed. And besides, wasn't Ryan supposed to be coming over soon too?
"Is Ryan still coming over?" i asked Sarah out of curiosity. She nodded.
"I just texted him," she said. "He said he'll be here in a minute."
I nodded again and sighed quietly. This is so awkward. When i planned on coming over here, i was thinking that we would end up talking about the trashy girls at our school and boys. Not just sitting here, not even looking at each other.
About five minutes went by before Ryan finally got here. I heard the door open and close from a distance. Then Sarah's mom mumbled a loud, "hi" to him. Sarah and i heard footsteps approaching the room, then there was a light knock on the door.
"Come in," Sarah said.
The door opened and in walked Ryan. He smiled at both of us and walked over to us. He sat in between us on the bed.
"Whats up?" he said. He didn't seem even slightly bothered by the mess everywhere. Maybe he's just been here so many times he's gotten used to it. Or maybe he's just crazy. Or maybe it's a combination of both. Who knows?
"Nothing," Sarah and i replied.
Ryan then slung his arm around us both, pulling us closer. He sighed and rested his head on Sarah's.
"I'm tired," he said.
"Me too," i replied.
"Wanna take a nap?" Sarah asked. We all looked at each other and shrugged.
"Why not?" Ryan said.
Sarah moved in the bed so that she was laying on one side of the bed. Ryan moved next to her and she cuddled up to them. He put his arm around her and she smiled against his chest. They looked so cute together. I was afraid i was ruining their moment. Oh well. I laid down straight on the other side of the bed and let my feet lay by Ryan.
"You don't mind sleeping with my feet do you, Ryan?" i smirked.
"No, of course not," he said. He turned over, away from Sarah, eyes still closed, and hugged my feet smiling, and sighed, looking happy as ever.
"You're so weird," i told him.
"I know," he replied. He let go of my feet and turned back over to face Sarah. I got comfortable on the bed and closed my eyes. I soon fell asleep to the scent of smoke still filling my lungs.
I awoke later that evening to see Sarah and Ryan sucking face. I made a disgusted face.
"Eck. Gross," i said, groggily. They chuckled and pulled away from each other.
"Did you have a good nap?" Sarah asked me. I nodded.
I yawned. "What time is it?"
Ryan looked at his watch. "It's five thirty."
Well, i've been here for a few hours. I guess it wasn't too early to leave now.
"Shit. I better get going," i said, sitting up.
"Aw, why?" said Sarah.
"I have a lot of homework," i replied.
"Well you could do it here," she suggested.
"Well," shit, NIna think! "My mom needed some help with some last minute wedding planning too."
"Oh okay," she said, standing up off the bed. Ryan and i followed.
We walked out to the kitchen to see her mom her leaning over the counter, smoking a cigarette. She had curlers in her hair and was in only a bath robe.
"Uh.. mom?" Sarah said. Sarah's mom turned around and looked at us.
"This is Nina," she said, gesturing to me. "Nina, this is my mom, Stella."
"Hi," i said. She nodded at me and turned back around to the counter. I looked at Sarah. She shrugged and continued to walk over to the door.
"Well, thanks for having me," i said.
We stood there awkwardly for a few seconds before i finally said, "Well.. i guess i'll see you guys tomorrow."
They nodded. I hugged them both goodbye and walked out of the door. I breathed in a big breath of fresh air, trying to forget the smell of smoke. i slipped into my car and sprayed some perfume on myself to try to get the smoky smell off of me. Luckily it worked. I put the perfume in my purse, put the key in the ignition, started up the car and quickly drove home.
*Five Days Later*
I held my breath, closed my eyes. I slowly reached a hand out to open my closet. I grabbed the handle, twisted it, and pulled the door open. I let out my breath and opened my eyes, revealing the beauty in front of me. It was the dress i was going to wear to Mom's wedding tomorrow. I sighed, happily. It was a dark turquoise colored, Chiffon Fishtail dress. It had a sweetheart neckline and was a bit longer in the back. I swear it was the prettiest dress i've ever owned. I looked down at the Sakura satin peep-toe pumps i was planning on wearing tomorrow also. They were an off white color and had diamond flowers flowing up the heel. I reached out my hand again and ran it over the dress. It was silky in my hands. I looked it over once more before closing the closest and walking away. I was anxious to wear it. Very anxious. You wanna know why i was so anxious to wear it? Because i actually feel beautiful in it. I feel like i'm more worthy than i usually feel. I feel special and unique. I feel good about myself. And to be honest, that was the only reason i was actually looking forward to this wedding. Everything else was less important to me. That may make me sound selfish. But it's not that i didn't find the fact that mine and Troy's families are mending together important. It's just that i don't see a huge deal in having a huge ceremony for a second wedding. And the fact that Justin's going to be there makes me wanna stay home too. Not that i didn't want to see Justin, it's just that i didn't want to be tempted to go running back to him. God, i hope he looks terrible tomorrow. Kinda.
I slowly opened the door to my closet to reveal the suit that my mom considers my tuxedo. I sigh and look it over. I can't believe the wedding's tomorrow. It seems like only yesterday when Troy was proposing at the dinner table. I sighed.
I really didn't want to go to this wedding tomorrow. Honestly, i was kind of dreading it. For a few reasons, actually.
Reason number one: I know it's going to be quite awkward. For me at least. And i have a feeling i'm going to be ignored by everybody. Cause that's how things usually are at weddings or family gatherings. I get ignored. Mom usually goes off to talk to people and so does everyone else. So i'm usually stuck in a corner alone, just watching everyone else have fun. Even Nina's going to be ignoring me tomorrow, i know it. Which brings me to my next reason.
Reason number two: Nina is going to be one of those people who will be ignoring me. Which i guess i'm gong to have to get used to. I know she's probably never going to talk to me again. Well, maybe in my dreams, but that's beyond the point. And Nina ignoring me is just one part of this issue. The pother part is, since it's a wedding, Nina is probably going to be looking as gorgeous as ever. Which is going to suck as much as i'm going to love it for obvious reasons. I'll have to deal with Nina looking even more beautiful then usual all day. Which makes me doubt that i will actually be able to control myself from going up to her and asking for her forgiveness again.. Ugh. Well, you know what? Maybe i'll just get lucky and she's look like a mess tomorrow. Although, sadly, she never looks like a mess. Ever. At least not to me, she doesn't. She always looks completely stunning.
Anyways, i guess i'll just have to endure both those mental pains i'll be forced to go through tomorrow. For my mom and Mary's sake. I have to. I know if i back out now, mom would be even more disappointed in me than she already is. And i do not want that. I've already gotten one lecture from her, i don't need another.
I slowly walked over to my bed and plopped down on my back. I stared up at the ceiling.
Maybe, just maybe, God will reward my courage for going to the wedding with making Nina look horrible. Maybe, just maybe, he'll make me less attracted to her. Maybe. But i highly doubt it. I will always love Nina, whether i like it or not. Nothing will ever be able to change that. And i guess that's just a fact i'm going to have to learn to live with.