Chapter 13- Kyle Clinn
Racing with Leah still couldn't push my worries out of my mind.
Eventually it had to come to an end. I had to go to the Cullen's.
Spiky haired Alice was at the door waiting for me. She had been
one of the friendliest out of all of the Cullen's I'd met so far.
The thought had probably come to the Cullen's minds and that's
why she was there and not Carlisle or Edward or Jasper, or
another one of the Cullen's I hadn't met yet. She was frowning
when I reached her. My stomach had flipped by the time I got to
her. I just didn't want to go through the door- not when I knew
Amber was behind it and she wasn't alive.
"We need to talk first" she said before I went inside.
"What is it Alice?" I asked.
"Carlisle hasn't revived her yet. She's still in the frozen
condition," she explained awkwardly.
"Did Carlisle operate yet?" I asked.
"Yes. It went perfectly," she said, "it's nice to be the bearer
of good news. I'm normally the one warning everyone- danger is
coming, danger is coming!" She rolled her eyes.
"Um Alice..." I mumbled. "Are we going in?"
"First I need to warn you- huh, I'm back to warning again.
Anyway, Carlisle is going to ask you a question. You won't like
it at all. I just thought maybe if I warned you, you wouldn't be
caught off guard and it could help," she said in a rush.
"Thank you that's kind," I murmured.
I never realised how human vampires were until now. It's hard
getting used to seeing them more like people because that's how
I'm beginning to see them. I keep catching myself and I feel like
asking when I'd see the vampire side of them. I followed her into
the house, still thinking it over. I had to remember who they
were. I've lost friends to them.
"Do you know that I'm psychic?" she asked thoughtfully.
"Actually yeah Leah told me. You can't see wolves though right?"
"Yeah...you see what's irritating is how much more I could help
if you weren't a werewolf. I could actually see if warning you in
advance would make the slightest bit of difference," she sighed,
"I hate feeling so useless."
"You're not, honestly. Thank you for everything." I didn't know
if I meant it.
She smiled. "Maybe you don't need my skills to be helpful. I
always wondered how everyone else managed."
"You can't miss what you never had," I said.
"That's true. You know I've never been normal not even when I
was a human," she said in a matter of fact tone.
"What were you like back then?"
"I was exactly the same as far as I know. I don't remember my
human life. I only know what I've been able to find in records,"
"You don't remember any of it? Do the rest of you remember?" I
"Oh yeah they all remember. I'm the abnormal one. Human memories
fade over time but if you concentrate on them you can remember
them. I'm an exception."
"What's it like...being a vampire?" I asked with difficulty.
"I seriously have never been asked that question. Not even Bella
asked, and she married Edward back when she was human so she had
opportunity to ask questions," she laughed.
"I suppose I just need someone to talk to me. I don't want to be
left to think about things I'd rather not."
"Well I'm fine with being a distraction."
She wasn't as good a distraction as Leah. I wondered whether I
could've persuaded her to come with me if I'd pushed. Thinking of
her expression when I'd asked though, probably not.
"I guess being a vampire is fine. There are things I can do and
things I can't, but it's a matter of personal preference. It
doesn't suit some," she said seriously.
"Didn't you say that one of you, err Bella, chose it?"
"That's because Bella's always been so strange. How many people
marry vampires? People very rarely choose this way of living. A
lot of us didn't get any say. Some of us wish we could have had a
"I'm sorry," I said quietly. I meant it too.
"Don't be, at least not to me. Like I said I remember nothing
and like you said, you can't miss what you never had," she
The inside of the house looked like a million open spaces
leading to one another. Amber always told me about her
fascination with beautiful things. She didn't see things like
this every day, not while she was on the run with the pack. I
stared as Alice picked up a flower from one vase and swiftly
placed it in another. I let her lead me past crystal vases and
elegant white furniture until we went through the very last
A vampire I hadn't met yet joined us from behind, having just
arrived at the house. Her hair was long and dark and her face was
gentle and upset. She looked familiar even though I'd never met
her in my life. She almost seemed to reach out to touch me but
abruptly pulled away when I moved, uncertain about her motive.
"Sorry," she said, "Sometimes I just forget."
"Uh it's okay. Is Amber still in that room?" I asked quietly.
She looked saddened as she nodded.
"I'll come with you but we're not going to hover around," she
"Thanks I uh, I appreciate it-" I said hesitantly.
"You can call me Bella."
Nothing was making perfect sense in my mind, even the simplest
things. I actually hesitated while thanking her even though I
knew I was grateful. I guess old habits die hard. It was going to
take a while to get used to being around vampires without being
in the middle of trying to kill them. The vampire stink was
getting to me and I had to cough when we approached the rest of
them. The sickly scent swirled around inside my head. I prayed I
"Edward I don't appreciate the stench," a blonde female vampire
muttered. Huh that makes two of us.
"Rosalie, please," Bella murmured glancing at me.
There was a hospital bed near the back of the relatively small
room. Maybe it just looked small because it looked like all the
Cullen's were here. Amber was lying on the clean white sheets.
She was hooked up to different machines by tubes. I could vaguely
make out her figure, pale and still behind the almost see-through
curtain. There looked like there was no more blood at least.
I couldn't get over how still she was behind that curtain. She
wasn't moving- dead people don't move. God Kyle, this is sick.
Don't think about it, just don't go there.
"Hey Kyle, sorry I took so long. I saw the rest of your pack
outside and they told me you'd gone in," Jacob said entering the
room. His hair was damp like there'd been a shower of rain.
"Oh terrific the dog came home," the blonde Rosalie said
"I never stray too far."
Bella and Edward both made their excuses and left and the rest
of the Cullen's followed suit. Rosalie was still scowling at
Jacob and me and wrinkling her nose at the stench.
"You alright?" Jacob asked me.
"You don't need to be here Jake, really," I said looking at
Rosalie's irritated expression.
"Oh, Blondie doesn't mind me really do you?"
She smiled sweetly before pushing the door out of her way with
unnecessary force. A huge vampire with dark hair caught it before
it slammed or broke off its hinges and gave Jacob a look.
"Thanks a bunch," he barked sarcastically.
Carlisle, the doctor was still standing near the doorway. He
caught Jacob's eye and he was on his feet immediately.
"I'll see you later okay Kyle? Take care," he said sombrely
Carlisle looked at me seriously yet calmly. "I don't think it's
going to work- this procedure. It hasn't been tested on humans,
only on dogs and the reactions to it from the public weren't
positive. Personally I don't trust it."
"I'm not going to give up," I said stonily.
"I didn't tell you to give up," he said gently, "Kyle you have a
lot of thinking to do. You need to accept that if this doesn't
work then you'll have decisions to make."
"What do you mean by decisions Doc? If this doesn't work then
she's dead, this time for good."
The words came out before I could stop them. It had to work.
Amber had to come back. It was the only thing stopping me from
ripping him apart- the possibility that he might be able to
revive her and bring her back to me, the possibility that she
might not be gone forever. I couldn't think of her as...dead. In
my mind she just wasn't, not now. Not until this vampire Carlisle
opened his mouth and told me that there was nothing more he could
do, would I think of her as gone.
"Yes that's true. But I'm concerned about how she'd cope if I
was able to revive her. Human life could be extremely difficult
for her, but I'm not saying she'd be better off dead Kyle, please
don't think that. There's another option other than death or an
extremely difficult human life," he explained.
"Would you just tell me straight?"
He sighed. "These difficulties in human life, both physical and
mental...vampire venom would repair everything. I didn't think
you'd agree with it so I told myself it was best not to ask."
It was like the vampire stench had finally cleared my head. It
was icy it was disgusting and it was screaming at me. My mind was
screaming at me. Filthy stinking bloodsucker! Why is he still
alive, Kyle? Why haven't you torn him apart? I struggled against
my anger, reining it in to get out the words.
"She'd be a vampire," I shot.
"Yes. She'd be immortal," he nodded.
"She'd be a bloodsucker-" I fumed.
"It's only a suggestion."
"You've already frozen her and now you want to do it
permanently!" I shouted.
"Kyle, she'd have a second chance at life."
"You call it living what you do?! You're sick. I'm not
sentencing her to an eternity of that."
"We've found a way to live differently than other vampires,
feeding on animals instead of humans. We'd be more than willing
to accept her into the family and help her," he said reasonably.
Yeah I'd heard of their so called better way of doing things. It
didn't make it any less disgusting in my mind. They still drank
blood. They still killed.
"I can't do that to her. I love her, and if she's one of you..."
I struggled against the explosion of rage but my hold was burning
"You don't need to give me an answer right this moment, but she
can't be kept in this condition for too long or there'll be
problems. I've repaired everything but her heart failed so
suddenly before. It's very weak. I'm afraid that when we shock
her heart it'll do more harm than good."
"Yeah, she had problems as a baby...how much time do you think
she can stay like this before-?" I asked breathlessly.
"She's only allowed to be like this for around three hours.
After three hours it's impossible to revive her. The surgery I
performed only took a quarter of an hour because I work fast,
being a vampire. I'll have to start to pump warm blood back into
her body and deliver the shock in at least two hours and forty
five minutes. After the shock I don't know what will happen.
Maybe it will revive her or maybe her heart won't respond."
Two hours and forty five minutes was all there was before the
possibility he might open his mouth and tell me there was nothing
more he could do. That was all there was before I might have to
accept that she was gone. I would finally have to believe it.
"So what if she's fine? What if it works? I can't...agree to
anything if there's a chance I might not have to."
He was shaking his pale head from side to side. He ran a hand
through his hair and looked me directly in the eyes. His golden
eyes were so honest and apologetic and yet, I didn't trust them.
"Kyle in truth there is a chance it could work but I'm not
perfect. If it does she'll have problems like I explained. There
are things I can't repair and she'll always have difficulties.
There's a fair possibility of memory loss. She wouldn't truly be
living. Her life wouldn't be full. I'm sure you've heard of cases
of life support machines being switched off. This is similar.
Sometimes it's for the best, but you have another option now.
It's a second chance."
Tears pooled in my eyes and I wiped them away quickly with
shaking hands. I looked up at him and choked on my next words.
"You're asking me to let you turn her into a vampire?" I
I slowly pulled back the curtain hiding her from my view so I
could see her. My eyes skimmed over her rigid body up to her
white face and blue lips. I felt something like the strange
dropping sensation you get sometimes when you're laying in bed.
You feel like you have to grab hold of something or you'll fall
to your death but you're actually safe, still in bed.
I didn't feel the glow of warmth and happiness that radiated
from her, that I normally absorbed and breathed in like air. I
didn't feel like I was tied to her by an unbreakable rope or her
hold was as tight as an iron grip. There was no hold- there was
nothing. Everything natural and familiar and welcomed had
When I imprinted on Amber a glowing heat filled me and her pure
existence alone drew me in. All ties were severed and she became
the one thing keeping me here. She became the reason for my
I wasn't warm or cold, I was empty. I had no tie to the world. I
had no reason for existence. I was floating, no drowning in
isolation, loss and pain. Something was pulling me somewhere but
it wasn't towards Amber. I had to hold on to something but I
couldn't. I didn't belong here now. Not now that I'd finally
accepted Amber wasn't here. Not now she was finally truly dead in
my mind. Now I'd seen it.
Not now that our imprint had broken.