Chapter 18- Leah Clearwater
This was all so messed up.
"Carlisle, are you saying you killed Amber?" I growled after
he'd attempted to explain the mess.
You wouldn't think it would be that difficult to pop over to the
Cullen's but it was beyond difficult. Jake could just waltz right
in like he always did and so could I really. Since Jake imprinted
on Nessie I've been there more often than I'm comfortable with
and Carlisle's always said I can walk in whenever- yeah like I'd
want to visit. The problem was Kyle's pack, or Cameron's I should
say. Some members of his pack wanted to wait outside, and instead
of ordering them all to go in he put up with them changing their
minds over and over again.
"No Leah that's not what I'm saying. In order to perform repairs
Amber had to stop bleeding. Some of it was internal and she
couldn't be moved around because of all of that unknown damage.
The only way to stop it was to try this procedure."
"And this procedure is freezing her to death?"
"The fluid in her circulatory system has frozen her and that
does mean she's clinically dead."
"Kyle's been saying that you can bring her back or something?"
"I might be able to but as I've explained if I do she wouldn't
live a very full life."
"What she'd die young?"
"No, I mean full in a different way. She wouldn't experience
life as she should. She'd be traumatised from what she went
through. She'd have hallucinations. The attack would always be on
her mind. There'd be memory loss and things I couldn't fix."
"But she might be fine Carlisle."
The door opened and Alice entered the room. Her eyes carefully
met Carlisle's for a moment. He waved her in and she skipped over
feebly, biting her lip. She sat down on the edge of the sofa. I
shifted away from her vampire stench. She wouldn't look at
anyone; she looked into her lap as she arranged the pleats of her
"I'm sorry Kyle I didn't want to tell you," said Alice.
"What haven't you told me?" he asked.
"I've been having visions about Amber ever since your imprint
broke. They're changing all the time because even though you're
no longer imprinted you're still involved. Anyway, every vision
is mostly the same. By that I mean the ones that involve her
"What did you see?"
"You've got to understand they've all been incredibly brief and
more than a little bit hazy...but she's not right Kyle. I've seen
her blacking out and hallucinating and not remembering who people
are. I've seen her get committed. I visited her in hospital.
Human life doesn't seem to be an option for her any more."
"What about vampire life?"
"Are you really prepared for me to tell you? You're a mess- I'm
sorry but you are."
"Alice I need to know before I can decide anything and I need to
decide as soon as possible."
"I've caught more definite glimpses of her vampire life than her
human life. It's not an exact science, you've got to understand.
When people who aren't werewolves or half vampires or whatever
decide something it affects the future..." she trilled, almost
too quickly for us to follow.
"You still haven't told me," he whispered.
"I only got one look. She looked happy as far as I could tell."
Kyle punched through the small glass coffee table, banging down
on it with both hands. It shattered under his fists and shards of
glass cut up his hands. Blood poured from them and trickled over
the crystal fragments still bouncing and scattering across the
floor. Some of them landed on the rug the table used to stand on.
Red soaked into the cream.
"I'm sorry," he said stonily.
Carlisle went on as if it hadn't happened. "I was only thinking
of what Kyle might want. I guessed he'd prefer for Amber to be
alive than dead. I thought that if I did revive her and she was
traumatised, that Kyle might consider letting her become a
vampire. It would be a better life than one where she's
constantly remembering what happened."
Cameron was trying really hard not to glare at Carlisle. It was
obvious Cameron hated vampires but it wasn't hatred in his
expression. His face was almost disgusted. I don't like Carlisle
much but I really wanted to punch Cameron. The moment the thought
came to mind though he rearranged his face. It was like he was
struggling not to be the bad guy.
"You're saying there are two options. Either Amber is dead or
alive and traumatised," he said.
"No Cam," Kyle whispered, "Either Amber's dead or she's a
His hands clenched into fists. "What are you talking about Kyle?
Her becoming a vampire isn't an option. It just can't be. You
can't do that to her, not Amber."
"I think I'd rather her be a vampire than spend her life in a
"I know but I don't want you to. If I've ever felt like I'm
going back to being..." he shook his head.
"Are you going to order me not to let Carlisle change her? Or
are you just going to order me to leave her die?"
Cameron stood up so abruptly one of his pack members jumped. He
walked stiffly over to Kyle and went up really close to his face.
I found myself up on my feet. I was ready to punch his face in if
he said anything I didn't like. Kyle didn't need a superior Alpha
right now he needed understanding. He was still in denial and
this decision making was making it too real already. Cameron's
face softened slightly but his voice was still firm. He put a
hand on Kyle's shoulder.
"I don't want to order you to do anything. You know that."
"Yes I do. So you're going to have to accept my decision aren't
"Kyle you need to be sure about this. If she's a vampire-" he
"I know what you're going to say," Kyle muttered, shaking him
Cameron stood upright again. He nodded quickly and left the
room. The pack members that had come into the house followed him
but one that I recognised stayed behind for a moment. He was the
youngest and I remembered seeing him in the woods when Amber got
attacked. He tried catching Kyle's eye but he avoided his gaze.
In the end he just spoke.
"I'm sorry Kyle," he said.
"I don't blame you," he answered, looking into his lap.
He left and Alice's quick hand caught the door before it closed.
She left the room quietly and I caught a glimpse of Jasper
meeting her in the hallway. I looked at Kyle questioningly,
wondering why that young pack member felt guilty about what
happened, but he just shook his head.
The door opened again and Nessie's curly head popped round. She
had a little crease between her eyebrows and her eyes were
narrowed. Jake stood up and ran his hands through his hair.
"Nessie I'm sorry-"
"You purposely encouraged me to stay at Grandpa Charlie's-" she
started. She sounded a lot like Bella when she was angry.
"I don't want you worrying, you're as bad as your mom," he said,
trying to smile.
"Sure, sure," she sighed. "I'll tell you something Jacob- you
know I'm as bad as dad when it comes to blowing things out of
proportion, so you are going to tell me."
That was too true. He told her everything and never kept
anything from her. When she wasn't allowed to listen in he'd tell
her afterwards, it had been like that since he imprinted on her.
Jake smiled and pushed her out the door. He followed her out,
shaking his head.
"Why is it you make a point of calling me Jacob when you're
angry?" we heard him ask on their way upstairs.
Kyle stared after them with a pained look on his face. Obviously
there was one reason in particular why Jake had kept Nessie out
of the room. Imprint had a similar effect on the both of us now.
"We've got to consult the Elders," Kyle said to Carlisle, "will
you try while we're gone?"
"Do I have your permission then?"
"Of course you do. As for your other question-"
"You don't have to decide that now Kyle."
I thought today couldn't get any weirder. I was at the Cullen's
place with my pack and Kyle's. Kyle's imprint with Amber had
broken. Amber was somewhere else in the house, dead and frozen
though apparently, possibly revivable. But then even if she could
be revived she couldn't live without problems. By problems I'm
talking hallucinations memory loss...all of this scary crap that
I've learnt comes with trauma. So becoming a vampire would be the
only option if Kyle wanted her alive minus the freaky stuff.
Well, the vampire version of alive with different sort of freaky
stuff, never ageing, never sleeping and always thirsty for blood.
I opened the door and made a promise to myself this would be the
last time it would be opened or shut before we left. People were
coming in and out of the room and it was driving me insane,
having that door shutting in my ear all the time. I went to the
bottom of the stairs.
"Jake, get your ass down here, with or without Nessie! We're
going to consult the Elders," I yelled.
"We'll be down now, could you phone Sam? You know, give him an
edited version of what's happened and tell him to meet us there?"
"Yeah get me to do your dirty work," I muttered, taking out my