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Leaving Amber

Novel By: ShaunaLeigh
Fan fiction

Beyond the impossible...an imprint broken...a soul flitting back and forth...another familiar with loss...forgiving the unforgivable...and leaving her behind- forever.

When former members of Sam’s pack return, a pack of their own is not the only thing they bring. Kyle’s imprint Amber may have convinced everyone to accept them, but the girl who brought them together turns out to be tearing the new pack apart. All comes to the surface when Ryan attacks her for leaving him for imprint, something Leah Clearwater is all too familiar with.
With Amber dying and coming back to life, the battle against permanent death is becoming more and more difficult. The only thing that can save her is what most wolves consider a death sentence in itself- vampire venom. Kyle has to decide whether to let Amber live a life without him as a vampire, or the other option of waiting on the ultimately unavoidable.

Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight, these characters (apart from some) belong to Stephanie Meyer. View table of contents...


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Submitted:Mar 21, 2011    Reads: 40    Comments: 2    Likes: 1   

Chapter 19- Ryan Parker
Time has stopped. Every movement I make from now on doesn't even exist. I feel like I could kill myself and I'd still eventually find myself completely unharmed. I've been running for hours, I know I have, but it still feels like it's happened in the space of a second. The moment I realised what I was doing time stopped and this is all happening in the space of one single second, stretched out for miles. I can keep running and running until I get where I'm going then everything will start up again and they'll find her.
They'll find Amber alive- as soon as I get there and time starts again.
Why the hell am I going there? I know where my legs are taking me and I know it's a bad idea but I can't seem to stop and turn back around. It's not going to change anything. It's not like visiting the places where the past took place will take you back there. I wish it was that simple but life just doesn't want to work that way.
When I was in school I was always quiet. I never answered questions but I still listened. That way the teacher never looked at me and I could just drift. Nothing ever touched me, not the teacher's voice or any of the people sitting around me. I was thinking so hard that my ears were buzzing. I'd walk around thinking like that. People used to joke I was deaf.
Now I finally know what it's like to be truly numb and void of feeling. Or maybe I'm so overcome with so many feelings I can't feel them all at once, so instead I don't feel them at all. Or maybe it's just shock- I always overcomplicate things. No matter what, I know what I'm feeling is nothing compared to what Kyle is feeling. I don't deserve to feel anything because no matter what it'll be like comparing a light bulb to the blazing sun when it comes to him. It's the same with how much he loves her- I can't compete with it.
I wish someone could just hit me- stab me even. I want someone to kill me. Everything's so still and unmoving. I want something to crash or go bang. I want to feel fire or ice burn me. I want to feel pain.
I can remember it all so clearly even though nothing was clear at the time. All I could feel was a thirst for violence and all I could see when I looked at her was a way to unleash my anger. I could remember her hands covering her face trying to fight me off even when she knew it was useless. Still, it meant I never touched her face. She still has her beautiful flawless face.
I'm reliving it so I can feel something. I want to feel the anger I felt when Tobias told me I should leave before I hurt someone. I want to feel the rage I felt when I transformed, that blinding hatred that took over when I saw Amber, her petite blonde figure metres away from me. I want to feel something.
How many times have I wanted to not feel? I should be living the dream. I'm finally free of the loneliness and the sadness and isolation. I'm numb like I always wanted. Except I know I never meant it. I didn't want to feel the isolation but I did want to feel something. I just wanted something out of reach, something unrealistic. I wanted Amber's love.
Why am I still running? Why am I going there? It won't bring her back; it won't take away the image of her lying there on the ground bleeding like a broken doll. I won't see her there again with unwashed hair and doubtful eyes. I won't find a girl in need of a hero with the offer of a home. That's gone. Time may have stopped but it won't rewind.
So why am I going there? I'm going because the impossible has always been my goal, because that's who I am. I've never stopped reaching for Amber's love again even though I always was a light bulb in comparison to the sun.


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