Chapter 20- Amber Courtney
My heart gave a jolt like it was going to burst from my chest. It
was like when you're underwater for too long and when you finally
get to the surface you're gasping for air. My heart was racing
like it was excited to beat again and my veins were almost
electric. I shuddered as the unexpected warmth took over me. I
went rigid when I realised I didn't know where I was and what had
happened to me. I took slow calming breaths. My chest felt tight
and my lungs more like rubber than elastic.
I opened my eyes. It was the light that hit me first, and it
danced painfully across my eyes. When the bright spots cleared I
saw a pair of golden eyes. I stared at them, fascinated by the
strange colour and the black ring around the amber iris. They
belonged to a vampire standing over me with a concerned
expression on his face. I was paralysed with shock, stuck staring
into this vampire's eyes. He was a 'bloodsucker', a 'leech', a
'parasite' and he was standing right there.
That's when I knew I had to escape. I had to get out or I was
"Amber my name is Dr Cullen but you can call me Carlisle. You're
in my home. You were brought to me after you were attacked. I'll
explain everything to you when I've made sure that you've
recovered well. Do you understand?" he spoke gently.
His voice was encouraging and genuine. I stayed rigid, refusing
to let myself remember what the gold of his eyes meant. All
vampires were terrible disgusting creatures. That was all I'd
ever heard from everyone around me. It was pure solid fact and I
was too stubborn to open my mind, even for the golden eyed
"You're a vampire" I whispered. I meant to sound strong but I
wasn't used to speaking yet. No part of my body felt the same as
"Yes I'm a vampire but I don't drink human blood."
I tried to calm myself down. If I had to be in the same room as a
vampire I was glad it was one of the ones who didn't want my
blood. There was still a voice at the back of my mind, my
stubborn streak that told me he was still a vampire- a disgusting
creature. I wondered if maybe I should listen but then I heard
other voices. I ignored them and tried to focus- I had to run. I
quickly searched for something to say.
"I know...you've got gold eyes. I'm in your house?"
"Yes I've been taking care of you. Do you mind if I ask you a few
I didn't answer and let him decide whether he wanted to go ahead
with it. I was looking around and what I could see looked to be a
nicely furnished room with hospital equipment in. There was a
blue almost see through curtain that was drawn back so I could
see the door. I was hooked up to some sort of monitor and tubes
were stuck into my hand. I didn't know if that was an IV- I don't
understand any of those medical terms or machines.
"Amber, are you feeling drowsy or are you quite alert?"
He had to ask. I felt alert, too alert maybe. I was still getting
used to the feeling of using my body again. It was like breaking
in new shoes. It doesn't hurt but it's not exactly comfortable.
That feeling kept me aware. I felt like I needed to shake off the
weight pressing down on my shoulders. I wanted to get up and walk
around but I stayed put.
"I feel alert enough. I can hear you and see everything and I'm
not falling asleep," I replied.
"Okay. I don't know if you would be in pain but you're on
morphine so we shouldn't have to worry about that."
"I have a high pain threshold. I always have as far back as I can
remember-" I stopped suddenly.
There was a small smear of blood, not much, on my chest right
over my heart but I couldn't see where it had come from. I knew
it must be real but how could it be when there was no cut there?
I lifted my hand feebly and stroked my finger over the stained
skin. I could feel the subtle bumps of stitches underneath.
"Did you cut me open?"
"I had to. I'm sorry if you're upset about it." He got a towel
and quickly wiped it away.
I thought it might be a hallucination. I thought maybe the
thoughts wriggling around in my mind were annoyed I wouldn't
acknowledge them, so they'd decided to make me see them. I
blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing anything I
shouldn't. Carlisle was watching me closely so I searched for
something else to say. I couldn't let him on to my plan to run. I
had to get outside and scream until there was permanent damage to
my lungs. I tried not to glance at the open door. Suddenly
another vampire appeared in the doorway blocking my exit. I eyed
him suspiciously and he did the same.
"When can I ask questions?"
"I can tell you anything you want to know," he said comfortingly.
"Why am I here?"
"I'm a very skilled doctor and you needed surgery. I know you're
not fond of vampires but it really was for the best. The pack
wouldn't have brought you here otherwise."
"Where is my pack?" I asked slowly and firmly. He better have a
"I'm sure they'll be here to see you once we let Kyle know you're
"Kyle!" I gasped.
The things that preyed on my fear and panic swooped down faster
than I thought possible. I remembered Kyle screaming for me, Kyle
in pain because I was in pain. It was morning but the cloud and
the shade of the trees in the woods made it dark. I was screaming
with pain and there was blood. Kyle tried to fight through the
pack to get to me and the whole time I was in a girl's arms. She
told me to stop screaming.
"Carlisle there's nothing you can do-"
"I know Edward. Knowing that doesn't make me feel any less
"You told him what would happen. We knew there was barely any
chance of her surviving this undamaged."
"What is she seeing Edward?"
"So...it's not good?"
"It's definitely not good. Alice was right. She doesn't have to
see it though," he muttered, "this is agony."
"She's definitely not fit for human life," Carlisle murmured
All of these dark thoughts that I'd always tried to push away
came to me. I put Kyle through so much pain. He wanted to run
away but I wouldn't do it, not even for him. I was too afraid- I
didn't trust him enough. When he imprinted on me he invited more
hurt than he knew existed into his life. I wanted to be with him
so much I left Ryan for him but I couldn't leave him completely.
Ryan was still a person; he hadn't stopped existing when I left
him. I couldn't run away with Kyle when he was still here and in
so much pain.
I put Ryan through hell. He helped me and got me off the streets
and took care of me and what did I do in return? I fell in love
with him. He fell in love with me and I gave him a false sense of
hope. I made him believe we had forever together when in reality
we had until Kyle was a wolf. I never knew, but the moment I
learned about imprint I should have considered the possibility. I
broke his heart and left him for Kyle and tortured him for the
time that followed.
He had the right to kill me.
He attacked me in the woods. I remembered his claws, his teeth,
the pain and all of the blood. I remembered Kyle being tormented
by my screaming. It was too real and I clapped my hands over my
ears but the sound was inside of my head. I could hear the girl
telling me to stop again but I couldn't stop. I could feel her
hand in mine.
I felt other hands, the ones that had searched my skin. They were
ice cold vampire hands. Those hands were the ones that
frantically tried to save me. They couldn't stop me from dying.
Ryan killed me. My heart stopped beating. I died.
I was only half aware. My senses were dull. There were no more
cold hands but there was ice. There was ice being pumped into my
veins. I was cold, I was frozen and I was dead. I was trapped
behind a world of burning icy cold. I died for the second time.
"She knows what happened to her. She knows she died," said
"I shouldn't have agreed to this. Look at her. It's torturing
Darker things invaded. Everything was reaching out. The tear was
widening and it poured in through the opening. I remembered
everything. I made my mom insane. It was my fault she was so
confused and couldn't remember the days of the week. My dad told
me. He said they'd be better off without me. She's probably dead
because of me. Her demons must have finally got to her, just like
they were getting to me now. I'd lost.
The things that preyed on my fear swooped down, pulling darkness
over my eyes and blocking out the world.