Chapter 26- Kyle Clinn
"Would you like to go see her? Maybe you could try waking her up?" Carlisle said gently.
Carlisle walked out of the door and I guessed he meant for me to follow. When I passed Bella, once again, she reached out to touch me but thought better of it and nodded to me instead.
I felt a sting of loneliness when Bella's hand drew away. I was surrounded by vampires who I owed eternal gratitude but none of them were my friends. We were strangers. The Cullen's were just people who did things because they were the right things to do. If I was human or vampire things might be friendlier, friendships might be built because of the circumstances. But I was a wolf and their natural enemy- that was the unspoken barrier against any sort of friendship. All we had was an understanding and part of me almost regretted that.
Oh for God's sake Kyle, get over it. They've done a nice thing and you've said thank you. Now you can get on with your life. As soon as she wakes up.
Carlisle had paused outside a door. Amber must be behind it. I could smell her soothingly familiar scent seeping out steadily from underneath the door. I breathed it in before opening the door.
Amber was lying on the same bed. Her waving sun kissed blonde hair was spread over the pillow around her face, free of tangles like somebody had sat with her and brushed it out. It tumbled down on to her shoulders in shiny curls around her face. Her pale eyelids were closed and her long curling eyelashes tickled her freckled cheeks. Her soft pink lips were slightly parted. But her gorgeous familiar face wasn't what brought my sigh of relief.
Amber's chest rose up and down and I could hear her heartbeat, and the little huff of breath that escaped from her mouth as she exhaled. I could hear the pumping of her pulse and see the colour in her cheeks. I could feel the warmth radiating from her from where I stood in the doorway.
"Amber," I sighed.
I sat on the stool next to the bed and just stared at her in complete awe of how incredibly normal she looked, like she was just a girl sleeping instead of a girl who'd died and been revived twice. She didn't even look the way she had before the attack. Her hair was cleaner, giving me the sneaking suspicion they might have washed it. Her face was clean. I picked up her small fragile hand and examined it. There was no earth under her fingernails.
"Um, sorry, I know I had no business doing it but I washed her hair and cleaned the dirt off of her," Alice's voice drifted tentatively from the doorway.
"Yeah I noticed," I mumbled.
"I hope you don't mind, I realise you're not exactly fond of me. I am a vampire after all. I just thought you might feel a bit better about having vampires take care of her if those vampires were especially caring," she said softly. "I'll leave you alone." She slipped out silently.
I felt an uncomfortable turning sensation in my stomach.
She looked like Amber but not my Amber. She looked the way she had been way before I'd ever met her, before even Ryan. I was finally catching a glimpse of the real her. This was how she was when she had a proper house to call a home and she went to school and dreamed of being a surgeon and came home and fell asleep in a real bed.
I finally realised that even though I'd loved her as much as possible I hadn't really taken care of her.
You can't blame yourself entirely, I told myself. She ran away from that of her own free will way before you imprinted on her.
But then I should have sent her back the moment I did. I should have realised it wasn't good for her. I shouldn't have let her carry on living the way we did.
I gently slipped the blanket off of her. Her bare arms were ravaged with deep puckered cuts held together with gruesome stitches. Her skin was ugly with bruises. They were the colour of blackberries, a deep purple. The world started spinning and I got to the sink in time to vomit for the second time.
There in front of me was my girlfriend in the worst state you could possibly imagine, bruised battered and comatose- that was my fault.
If I were her I wouldn't wake up for me.