The twisted tale of Alice Valentine
By Chloe John
"My wonderland is shattered, it's beauty, it's hope. It's life. Extinguished. It's.. Dead to me."
"Forgetting the pain is convenient" He purred haughtily. "Remembering it is, Agonising. But Alice, Oh my dear Alice. Covering the truth is the worth suffering"
That voice... So, so perplexed with his puzzling rhyme and cryptic tongue, the words he sang, seemed to dance tauntingly around the room, Lingering in stale dusty air. I woke to the sound of a repetitive tweeting of bird song and the metronomic ticking of the clock. Walking over the barred window, I pressed my face against the cold hard Payne and felt my hot breath consend against the glass and saw only the clouded merchandised view of the vast gardens. As beautiful as it is, it's all very fictitious.
The vacant, bare pallid room was as stark as a desolate wasteland, the vaporous breath of the broken ventilation system, screamed with what seemed like gasping pugnacious breaths, a constant violent wheezing. The lack of fresh, clean air angered me. Oh what I'd give to endure my prolonged desire of freedom. To feel the bite of the cold winter wind, to witness the glacial, grey light of dawn. Oh, Winter, was always my favourite season. From the fright of bitter mornings, to the numbing of frozen hands and feet, that little buzz, when the heat seems to battle away the cold, a painful yet a well -loved feeling of defeat. I ill-temperedly threw myself upon the metal ascetic bed, and the old worn out mattress carelessly stuffed with badly un-sprung coils screeched and screamed beneath the weight of my stiffly starved body, I lie there, numb, resentful and lonely.
I began to stare at the pasty ashen
walls, and let my curious mind wander. A dangerous yet solacely
sound thought. The ghosts and memories of other deranged maniacal
patients, seemed to suffocate my imagination. The horror, the
blood, the violence and the sweet sweet release of it all, made
me shudder and sent a delightful shiver, run down my spine. My
strange attraction to violence, is what led me to this infernal
imprisonment. Trapped in this god forbidden place. Some nights, I
would just lie there awake, for hours, contently listening to the
muffled, violent screams of the walkers. The walkers, as I refer
to, are the night crawlers of the Asylum, the ones who's
nightmares were so lucid, so real, that it is almost virtually
impossible to awaken from such a deep, and dangerous slumber.
They're minds lost; in an abyss of broken memories and an
embodiments of suffering realities. Every patient, including me,
had an escape, a delusional refuge. Reflections of your deepest,
darkest desires, a world created solely by your
And that's what shut me away, secluded me away from the voices and whispers of the outside world. The constant stares and poison spat at me, was the trigger of a deeper and darker catatonic state, I fell further and further down the hole of my own imagination, and began to create something.. beautiful. All I had to do was close my eyes. And, Imagine..
It was pure, and virtuous. A world of innocence and strange possibilities.
The sky, a lustrous blue, clear, fresh
and crisp. As bright as a diamond, hanging around the sturdy neck
of a noble and as deep in colour as the ocean of an undiscovered
Island, uncorrupted by the touch of filthy, greedy human hands. A
vast but brimming forest stood moodily under the watch of the
burning amber sun, the incandescent rays highlighting the life in
every colour imaginable. From deep dark moody purple to an
innocent baby pink. The array of colours suited just about every
aspect to my persona, personality and mood. The beauty of it all
was just, astounding. Who would have ever thought, that a mind as
corrupted and sickening as mine could have possibly sculpted
something so.. perfect. The thought, confused me further, and I
would have again lost myself in question. Until I was cruelly
snapped back into my harsh reality. The image of my only solace
began to rapidly fade, and I found myself staring at the same
bland four walls. No comfort or contempt in the familiarity of my
surroundings only resentment.
"A secret is only a secret when left unspoken to another, Alice"
There it was again.. That voice. It was so familiar, so real. The whisper sent a momentary quiver coarse from my head to my toes. The atmosphere seemed to shudder with anticipation and seemed as tense as a taut rubber band.
"Who are you?" I questioned directly, infuriated. Knowing that even the slightest suspicious thing, could set me back.. "Making a slow, but steady progress" The idea that I was getting better was the only thing keeping me going, it was the only hope I had of getting out of this retched place.
"I am the saviour you're of despair, the enemy of yours, the tool of your tyranny.. I have darkened more hopes, stifled more ambitions. Shattered more ideals and prevented more accomplishments for those who wish to destroy you"
"But I don't understand.."
"Who are you?" I asked again, consciously
"I have no power but what the human mind gives me, and I vanish completely when the light of understanding reveals the facts as what they truly are, for I am really nothing, but a figment"
"You're giving me nothing but utter nonsense!" I cried. I shot up from the dirty squeaky bed like lightening and began to pace back and forth from wall to wall. My bare feet scuffing at the concrete floor, I felt nothing but the cold sting of my temperamental strength, and energy seemed to flow through every fibre of my body until I couldn't contain myself. What was wrong with me? Why was I having this.. this strange pull to the voice? I didn't want to. Did I? I needed to know. It was familiar and it gave me comfort but most of all I felt strangely at ease.
"Tell me who you are or I'll.. I'll!"
I didn't know what to do. I needed to
know but I couldn't bring myself to face what I thought, No. What
I knew would only end in disaster.
"Just close you're eyes Alice, Listen to me"
I inhaled deeply and sighed. No sound escaped my lips, in protest. But remarkably I found myself proceeding with his bewildering request.
I stood there, silently and let me eyelids slowly draw to a close, almost undoubtedly fatigued. I let myself languidly fall to the hard cold floor. Everything passes in a blur, a mixture of the monotone colours in my room. From white to grey to black.
And then, Nothing but darkness encased me, lulling me into serene and peaceful slumber.
Minute's, Hours, days could have gone by and yet when I awoke, everything remained undisturbed. I opened my eyes and saw nothing but dotted and blurred blobs of white, cloud my vision. My head, although uninjured was sore and hurt like hell. I pulled myself upright and semi-blindingly staggered to my feet. I rubbed my face with my hands and let me arms raggedly fall to my sides. I struggled to envision my surroundings and took a slow, cautious step forward holding out my arms and wavering them around me, trying to avoid any un-seeable objects that would cause me harm. I must have looked extremely odd, in my strange composure but then again. It was nothing new was it. I have always been.. Odd.
Beneath my grasping hands I felt the woven fabric of my bed sheets and pulled myself closer and closer towards the bed, it was only until I was at sitting distance of the bed did I notice the strength of the sheets. Surely they would fallen off at my depending pull, or at least have shifted at weight of my feeble body. I rubbed my eyes once more and little by little my vision cleared, the once hazed surroundings began to once again become visible and I could almost see clearly again.
And that's when I saw him.
His grotesque yet hauntingly beautiful appearance startled me. His emaciated, almost skeletal body sat leisurely in the middle of my bed. His bones well defined and evidently frightful, distinctively stood out through his furless ashen corpse like skin. The colour, a mangy, achromatic grey, aged and almost.. dead. His large head and paws seemed over sized for a such a slender fragile looking body. His grin.. disturbingly human like, somehow stood out from the rest of him, a distinctive feature that seemed to be the only thing that frightened me. With large sharp stained jaundiced yellow incisors oddly smeared with speaks of dark muddy crimson and his breath, a pungent stench as foul as the rotting of many dead decaying carcasses. His huge eyes a matching bright dark yellow, flecks of carmine glowed and flared with rage and hatred. But hidden away behind all that anger safely concealed away, was pain. Pain that seemed to be his biggest fear. He had a dirty gold loop ear ring in his right half bitten ear, and many idiosyncratic tattoos that swirled and seductively sprawl themselves across his long limbs and down his crocked back. He begins to grin, manically and deranged, his stifles a fiendish giggle and lolls his head to the side, squinting to study my face. He stretches out his rigid crocked legs and moans loudly at the sound of crunching bones and clicking joints. The cat, now sat up straight looked bigger and more intimidating than before, sat in all his now newly discovered glory and regained a very confident composure.
" Only the insane equate pain with success." He laughed, his voice as sharp as a knife seemed to slice through the now very tense atmosphere.
"Do you now believe me dear Alice?, Do you're eyes defy what you're heart does not?"
I stood there completely dumbfounded, my heart hammering against my chest likes the wings of a petrified caged bird. My whole body, went cold and very hair stood on end. And I just stood there as a statue, like a monument frozen for eternity. the fear I felt was a being in itself because it wasn't just in me it was all around me. It was everywhere
Yet, unknowingly.. I knew I wasn't dreaming nor having another episode. It was real, all of it.
And that's what terrified me the most..