The truth eludes me...

In the sea of happy people

Together. Rejoicing. In-love

With life and with each other

But i'm the outsider

The outsider looking in

All around me they laugh

I cry

They sing

I want to die

I can't connect

Searing pain

Coursing through my veins

Through my mind

My eyes blur, I cannot see

The answer right in front of me

But they won't last show themselves

Whatever's the truth eludes me

Unable to see beyond the hate

Loathing

Disgust

I'm not happy with me

I can't love myself

I can't love my life

I love my family. My friends. My acquaintances

If I left I would miss them

They'd miss me. They shouldn't

I'll never be good enough for them, I never

I don't deserve their love

It scars me. And serves me

And i panic. I fear

'Till I'm gone

Then maybe I won't be so afraid

Maybe I'll forgive myself then

When nothing could hurt anymore

When at last I feel that warm sweet embrace

At a painless loss, at feeling of emotions

Of.....nothing...