Niall and I drove to the cemetery in silence. He knew today was
going to be hard for me, and he knew no matter what he said, it
wouldn't really help. I love how kind and thoughtful Niall is. He
has always been that way, always worrying about everyone but
knowing when and when not to say something. It has been a year
now since Grace passed away, and Niall has definitely helped me
get through the year.
We pulled up beside a row of grave stones, all lined up perfectly. Graces grave defiantly stood out more than the rest. When she passed away, I didn't want her grave to be a sad place. I wanted it to be a happy place where people could come and remember all the good times with her, and remember how beautiful and how much of a cheerful person she was. So I took it upon myself with the help of her little sister Mia, to paint smiley faces and hearts on her grave stone to make it seem more bright and cheerful.
I walked up to Graces grave and sat in front her grave stone.
Niall stayed in the car leaving me to have time to myself. I sat
there in silence for a good five minutes, trying to stop the
tears from rolling down my cold cheeks. I took in a deep breath
and let all of my feelings and love out.
"My dearest Gracie, It's been a year now since you passed away. I don't even like to say that. I don't like to admit that you are well and truly gone, because you're not. You are still there, you still watch over us. You are still in the air that I breathe and in the eyes of our beautiful daughter, Sophia-Grace. I hope you like the name I gave her. I know you wanted to call her Sophia, but I wanted her to have a piece of you. I wish you could be here to hold her and play with her. You would have been a perfect mother. She has grown up so much since you left. She started walking two months ago. I couldn't be more proud.
Her first word was "Mama". She runs around yelling "mama, mama, mama" and giggles to herself. I've been trying to get her to say 'dada' but she won't have a bar of it haha. Just like her mummy, very stubborn and set in her ways.
Everyone loves her so much. She always has someone playing with her. Harry and Louis always fight over who is going to feed her, and play with her. They are such idiots, but they love her dearly. Zayn is always taking millions of pictures with her. Niall pretty much lives at our place, he is always there helping me look after Sophia. Mia is the greatest aunty ever. She always has sleepovers at our place and spends lots of time teaching Sophia things. It's so sweet to watch. Your parents come over for lunch every Sunday to spend time with her and to make sure I'm doing alright. We talk about you a lot, which I like. I always love when everyone talks about you. I can't help but smile. I like hearing about when you were a child, even though I've heard the stories millions of times. I love hearing about how happy you make everyone. My parents are always looking after her to give me a bit of a break. Your mum and my mum take turns looking after her while I'm at work. I'm still not ready to let her go to day care just yet.
I miss you so much. Not a day goes passed that I don't think about you.
There is so much I never got to say to you, so much I never got to show you.
I loved the way you would hug me every chance you got. The way
you would look at me with those innocent eyes of yours to try and
get your way, always succeeding to do so. You were always so
cheerful, always making everyone around you smile. You were
always putting everyone before yourself.
You were so beautiful, I never told you that enough. I should have told you that every single day. You were what kept me going, the reason I woke up every day. I will never forget any moment spent with you.
The five and a half years I spent with you, were the best years
of my life. I would not take it back for the world. You have
brought so much meaning to my life; you have given my so much
hope. You have given me the best gift anyone could ask for, and
that is our beautiful daughter. I know you tried to fight it,
when you gave birth to her, but I know you knew I could do it,
and you knew I would take care of her.
A year ago today, I said goodbye to you, the love of my life. Although you are no longer here, your spirit and life will live on. We will continue to live life for you, and continue to laugh and smile for you.
When our baby is a little bit older I will tell her all about her
amazing mummy, and the story of our life together. I will tell
her about how we meet. I'm sure she'd enjoy that story as much as
I enjoy telling everyone. I can still remember the look on your
face. Me standing there on the dock fishing and you running not
watching where you are going and knocking us both into the water.
You couldn't stop apologizing. I couldn't stop laughing.
I'll also tell her about our amazing wedding in France and how absolutely stunning you looked walking down the aisle. How breathtaking you were and how perfect the whole day was.
I'll tell her about our honeymoon in Hawaii, and how lovely it
I will tell her about the day we found out you were pregnant with her, and how excited we both were. And the day we found out we were having a beautiful baby girl.
You will never be forgotten and that my dear is a promise. You will forever be in our hearts and minds and your life will forever live on.
I love you so much, words could never express it. My love for you will never die.
I love you Grace Lillian Payne, forever and always."
I could hear Niall walking up behind me. I stood up and turn around to greet him with tears in my eyes. He grabbed onto me and hugged me tightly.
"Let's go get your beautiful daughter" Niall smiled.
"Sounds perfect" I said wiping tears from my eyes.
"Bye Gracie" Niall Said walking back to the car.
"Bye baby" I whispered. "I love you."