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Sasuke and Kai- The Memory- Songfic.

Short story By: OokamiCake
Fan fiction



WARNING: CONTAINS STRONG THEMES OF DEATH
As a songfic, this short story uses lyrical content to depthen a storyline. To listen the song, you can go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8f3R0hdY1nc&feature=related
LISTEN TO THE SONG BEFORE READING
It depthens your understanding and makes for a better read.
Thankyou ^.^


Submitted:May 31, 2012    Reads: 31    Comments: 1    Likes: 3   


She is everywhere I go,
everyone I see,
winter's gone,
and I still can't sleep.
Summers on the way,
at least that's what they say,
but these clouds won't leave.

Sasuke tugged at the branch of the tree beside him, wondering if there was one spot of the town that didn't remind him of… Her. He looked over to Sakura, instantly regretting it as she smiled brightly, happy for his return after all those years he was gone. Her smile was wide, innocent and too familiar, too much like Kai, too much like her, everyone was… Naruto's wide blue eyes, Hinata's sleek black hair… Sakura's smile, Ino's mischief, Kiba's playfulness, Chouji's love for food… Too many things reminded me of her… I felt Naruto's insistent poking, asking me what was up and asking me why I looked so bad. I looked up to the sky as if for answers, but I already knew why. I hadn't slept much. That was why. I hadn't had a good, proper night's sleep since I saw her last. Tsunade said it was winter; that a lot of people got moody in winter, but now it's passed… I feel trapped in it still. The clouds coated the sky in a dark sheet that matched my attitude as I began the lone trek back to an empty house.

walk away,
barely breathing,
as I'm lying on the floor,
take my heart,
as you're leaving,
I don't need it anymore.

"What are you doing Kai…" the whisper was uncertain, as blue eyes stared into the mirror reflection of themselves. Sasuke left a long time ago. He left with that blonde. "Like you knew he would" I felt my words lash out at me, and I flinched, not expecting how much that hurt. I remembered him still, our last meeting, leaving me crumpled on the floor, unable to breathe through sobs that wrecked my body. My hand clutched the fabric of my shirt roughly as I clenched my teeth, the memory clear. How could he abandon everything we had? He knew I loved him… "But he didn't love you" I whispered yet again to myself, the words reminding me what I had told myself many times before. It would be the only explanation to his behaviour on that day. It only took a few words, a bit of begging, and he was leaving. 'Why not just rip my heart out and take it with you, I don't need it anymore' I thought bitterly, my fingertips tracing the silent tears that trailed down my face. 'No one can hear me' I thought bitterly. 'There's no-one here anymore'.

This is the memory.
This is the curse of having,
too much time to,
think about it.

The memories of Kai flashed before me in a sick twisted nightmare. This is the memory, the memory I wanted most to forget. My body was heavy as I wrangled my body out of the sheets, my feet pounding the floor as I ran to the bathroom, sliding and rebounding off of walls as I tumbled, dizzy. I felt my fists clench the sink, my eyes wide open, my mouth open in a silent scream, some tribute to pain and memories before my stomach released whatever little nutrients it had taken in. I had nothing to do to take my thoughts from the memories now. No training, no rigorous straining of my body… This was the curse of having too much time. 'And no-one to take pain away' my thoughts were still laced with Kai… My fingers tightened more, and the stone broke under my fingers. I pulled my hands away carefully, surprised at the sudden feeling. I apathetically noticed the gouge in my palm, dripping blood. I pushed my fingers into the wound, pulling out a small, heart-shaped stone. My eyes narrowed. I needed to see her. Even after this long… I needed to see her.

It's killing me.
This is the last time,
this is my forgiveness.
This is endless.

Sasuke… I stared through the shattered window at the spring stars before my hands balled into fists in my hair. The thought of him drove me mad. I flicked one of the shards of glass sticking up, watching it shatter further and fall to the ground. I wanted to chase him, but what was the use of trying to chase something that had broken you once already? I eyed the long blade hung above my bed. Hadn't I promised him I would live for him? My fingers traced the countless silvered lines on my wrist, imitating the way his own fingers would caress my wounds, before he placed a soft kiss on them, then the inside of my elbow, then my neck, and then… I opened my eyes, breaking the illusion, my hand falling off my lips, lifeless. My eyes fell to the ground. If he wasn't here, what was the point of living? If I lived for him, and he wasn't here, I shouldn't be here. I felt my legs carrying me to the sword, then to the table, where I scrawled a note. If anyone came to investigate the curious cabin in the middle of the forest, it would be doubtlessly be found. 'Sasuke' I wrote, 'You probably aren't the one reading this, but I want you to know, you were killing me… And this is my forgiveness' I felt my hand quivering as I set the pen down, unsheathing the katana at my side. Lifeless blue eyes studied unyielding metal, before blood stained the floor of the newly uninhabited house.

Now, spring has brought the rain,

But I still see your face;
and I cannot escape the past,
creeping up inside,
reminding me that I,
can never bring you back.

My heart beat faster than anything I'd ever thought possible as I spotted the familiar house. I jerked to a stop as I realised the state of said house. The windows were smashed, the gardens wild, the stone crumbling… The footpath was barely distinguishable, and the door itself was broken. 'What happened?' Worry seized my mind for the girl I loved, and was too childish to admit it to. I remembered everything about this place, how she walked, how she slept, how she moved, how she sounded… So when my ears were met with silence, my mind stopped. I pushed open the door. It was only now spring; and yet flowers were blooming around me, a great contrast as I stepped inside to a greyed interior. I felt my nose prick as I followed my instinct, checking the lounge before the bedroom. I braced myself outside the door, my heart beating faster now, unsure of what I was doing, or how I'd explain anything, before pushing my way in as quietly as possible. My heart stopped beating in that instant.
She lay in a pool of blood, not entirely dried, her skin pale, drained. I took a tentative step forward, before I kneeled at her side, shaking her slightly, hoping it was a trick, another of my nightmares. She wasn't even stiff yet, was she that newly dead? I looked over her and noticed her one hand clutched around the katana I'd seen her use before. I carefully eased her fingers away from it, throwing the weapon away, before noticing her other hand, wrapped around a scrap of paper. I blinked, reaching out for it, noticing how my hands shook. As I pried her- dead, hands off of it, it was apparent it was a note, and the first word brought reality back, and my whole world crashing down. 'Sasuke' it read, 'You probably aren't the one reading this, but I want you to know, you were killing me… And this is my forgiveness' I couldn't see, and I felt dizzy, my hand planting itself on the ground to steady me, landing in a pool of slightly wet crimson. I brought the hand back up in front of me, staring at it as if it was its entire fault, before it clicked. 'It's my fault… I'm a murderer'

I'm not sure how I got back, but it was raining, and even though the blood was washed off, and her body buried, I felt stained beyond belief. I'd killed before, but I'd never… I felt my tears join the sky's own, and I fell to my knees in the mud outside of town. I could still see her face, and there's no way I can escape the past now. Even at this moment, it was creeping up in my mind, reminding me that I killed her, that I can never get her back…


This is the memory.

This is the curse of having,
too much time to,
think about it.
It's killing me.
This is the last time,
this is my forgiveness.
This is endless.

(This is endless)
this is endless
(this is endless)

The thoughts bounded around my head as I stumbled around the white hallways of the hospital, my mind numbed by the numerous medicines, and the cocktail of pills. Nurses trailed me, waiting for me to fall, for the sedatives to kick in. I stumbled, I fell, but I got back up, walking further and further into nothingness. The curse of this was being in an endless dream, an endless haze of memory and pain, a pain so sharp it made death sound easy. Too much time to think about things, too long to regret, to wish… I stumbled down a flight of stairs, my feet giving up under me, my chin skinned by the edges as I slid, lifeless. It was killing me, too. Now I had all of this time, and nothing at all of what I need. Her smile haunted my every thought. How she kissed, how she spoke, how she moaned… How she moved… Under me, over me, on me… Those memories were the most unbearable, too much pleasure transferred into pain. Pain… The word meant nothing to me now… Is this hell really endless? I felt the nurses pick my limp body up, carrying me back to my room, my body weightless, refusing to absorb any food they gave me, rejecting it, vomiting it right back at them… 'It really is endless' I thought, feeling a pinch as yet another needle was plunged into my arm, and the darkness consumed me.

Someone help me
Cause the memory
Convinced itself to tear me apart.
And it's going to succeed before long...

I thrashed in my dreams, my hands ripping out cables and cords, noises beeping and blaring in the once silent room. I couldn't scream, I couldn't make any noise at all with the sedatives and tranquilisers, my limbs flopping around lifelessly, like broken rubber bands, puppeted by another person. Sakura had been my nurse, once, but she couldn't stand seeing me this broken. She'd given up her entire nursing life, because of me. How many lives can I ruin? Naruto had visited a few times, but I'd had only been able to acknowledge him with choked words and violent spasms of mental torture. They thought they were helping me? They were trapping me. I felt light-headedness as I found myself on my feet, my body obviously motivated on pure will itself. I couldn't think straight with the numbness, but even without nerves, or feeling, I managed to wobble uncertainly to a window. It was destroying me…

This is the memory.

This is the curse of having,
too much time to,
think about it.
It's killing me.
This is the last time,
this is my forgiveness.
This is endless~

(This is endless)

I felt my fingers scrabble at the edge of the window, finding the latch and flicking it open, my legs forcing my torso to fall out head-first. I slumped onto the ground, and found myself walking to the fire escape, my feet catching on each stair as I dragged my way up, unconsciously seeking what I hadn't been able to consciously. I'd had too much time to think about it. The mental pain had long passed any physical pain I'd ever been through, and I felt slight twinges of feeling as my body slowly became free of the drugs. I don't know how long it had been, my dragging torture up the stairs, but when I reached the top, the sun had set, and panicked voices followed me. No-one knew what I was doing, ever, so they could only follow and watch until I looked in danger. 'But would they be able to stop you?' that voice returned. The voice that had once plagued my sane mind with Kai… I felt my lips form a smile as I walked forwards. "no…"


Someone help me
Cause the memory
Convinced itself to tear me apart.
And it's going to succeed before long...

I stood on the edge of the roof, hearing many footsteps running toward me, feeling as they were in slow-motion. I smirked all-knowingly, wondering where exactly my sanity had gone, before I let my one foot fall in front of me, into air. I fell downwards quickly at first, feeling fingers clutch at me but slip as they only ghosted against my own. I turned my head to see Naruto, his cerulean blue eyes open wide, in shock, and as time slowed, for a whole blissful, seemingly minute of falling, I saw Kai instead. She looked shocked at me, her hand reaching out to me, her hair dancing in the wind… But as I dully felt my body hit the ground, her lips turned upwards, and I felt the image disappear, along with all conscious thought.


She is everywhere I go,
everyone I see.
But these clouds won't leave...





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