Part 7: Shibon
I lay in bed next my bucket of vomit as the morning rain fogged
up my window, holding in my hand the 12cm problem that had ruined
my life as i recalled the night in my head. The night when we
were raped and the night we were saved.
Hiedi was elated to have been saved by Luke and Tristen, I on the
other hand was not. The difference was, Hiedi was too weak and
fainted just before her rape, she didn't remember what had
happened during the time she was unconscious, she was in a better
place, her own safe dreamland with Jacey, the strawberry blonde
little girl. I didn't faint.
I was awake and aware during it all, i felt him inside me. I felt
his every dirty, filthy, slimy touch. I heard his moans of
satisfaction and my moans of pain. I watched him laugh through my
soaked lashes as he recorded me on my own phone and then
forcefully watched myself cry.
As the tears spilled from my eyes and i cried desperate pleas for
help, he only continued faster, deeper and harder.
I was soaked in my own shame and embarrassment as he was with
pride and joy. I was tied naked to a tree in reality with nothing
to more i could do except listen, watch and feel everything that
was being done.
That was the difference. I didn't want to be saved. I wanted them
to kill me so i couldn't live with the memory, with the scars and
with his baby.
I lifted my hand and the pregnancy stick above my face and
squinted my eyes to read the tiny plus for the 12th time, still
in denial. I picked up the second stick and the third and again
read the same result. I threw them into the bucked and closed my
eyes, resting my hand on my stomach and cried...and cried and
I cried for the rest of the hour until again i cried myself to
sleep. I dreamed of that night, like i had every other night
since it happened. I dreamed of Tristen and Luke bursting into
the scene and then how i blanked out from then on. I dreamed of
how when i woke in the car i was in Tristen's arms as was Jacey.
I dreamed of the devastated, crippled expressions on our mothers
faces as we told them of the rape and the fury and outrage on our
father's, of the plates they threw and smashed and the tears that
trickled from their eyes which was worse than anything that had
happened. I then dreamed of 5 years from now, Hiedi with a job
and a car and a house and life and me, an only mother living on
benefits with a child who's father was a rapist.
I shot out of bed again, one hand on my stomach, the other on my
mouth and bent over to throw up in the bucket, except it wasn't
there, just my carpet, now stained and gross.
My mother rushed into the room with the bucket, now clean and
dry. "Ooh Shibon, honey, I'm sorry i just cleaned it for you, i
didn't think you were going to wake up." She handed the bucket to
me and stroked down my hair, kissing the top of my head. Her face
was red and had dark bags under her grey eyes, blood shot and
tired. "I'm sorry mom." I whimpered. I sat up straighter and
wiped my mouth, placing the bucket on the end of my bed. "Don't
be baby, it's not your fault."
She continued to comfort me and hush my sobs until a pain struck
my stomach but it was different. It was from a bad realization.
She cleaned the bucked. The pregnancy sticks were in the bucket.
I hadn't showed her them.
My body stiffened and i shot my eyes to her, my hand just
covering them. "Yes, honey, I've seen them." She started. Her
voice was soft and calm and understanding but there was
disappointment in there too. My mother could always read me, she
always knew what i was going to say, what was on my mind, what i
had done. We were very close.
I buried my head in my hands and wept. She hushed me again and
touched my chin, lifting it from my hands. I was struggling to
breath, i was choking on my tears.
She wiped them away and kissed both my shut eyes. "Hey!" She
started, chirping her voice for comfort. I looked up through my
eyelashes at her, still bowing my head. "Don't worry. This can be
sorted. I've already called Hiedi, i thought you might be more
comfortable with her here to call the clinic." She tapped the bed
twice and lifted the corners of her mouth up before standing and
walking toward my door. "I'll get the number for that now." I
shot my head up and widened my eyes in confusion.
"Wait...The Clinic?" I didn't realize that i was almost shouting
this at her. She stopped in her path and spun around. She opened
her mouth as if to say something then closed it. She put her hand
out and then put it on her temple. There was a silence for a few
more seconds. "Well...I mean yeah, that's what you want isn't it?
I mean your not going to keep it surely Shibon." I wasn't sure if
that was a question or a command. "Well no...I mean, i don't
know. I...um...I want to get rid of it don't get me wrong, i mean
I'm not ready for a kid, you know that, but...But I don't think
i can, you know?" I was resting my elbow on my knee and covering
my mouth with my hand, muffling my hesitant voice.
Mum stepped a little closer to me and then squatted down next to
the bed avoiding my vomit, taking my hands in hers. "Shibon," she
started, "honey, when i was just a year younger than you, i got
pregnant too. I know how hard it is to decide what to do at such
a young age regarding whether your going to keep it or not but i
decided against it, i wanted to keep it so i did." She took a
breath and bit down on her lip before continuing slowly. Her eyes
were shut as if reminiscing on a distant memory. "Shi, i was a
lot like you, i wasn't ready for a child, and i was, well, for
lack of a better word stupid. I wanted to go out every night, i
wanted to drink and get drunk, you know, i was just a kid like
you are. I went out a lot, i drank a lot and it didn't work. The
baby came early and it died at birth, she was still born." Her
voice choked up and i saw her eyes slowly get shinier with tears
that she tried to hold back. She cleared her throught. "It killed
me Shibon, i was devastated. I stopped eating, i tried committing
suicide, i had completely lost it." She put the back of her hand
against her mouth.
"Mom..." I realized i was sobbing with her. I put my hand of her
cheek and she took it back into her hands.
"Honey i don't want that to happen to you. It would've been so
much easier for me if i just got rid of it in early days. Knowing
that i hurt it as it grew bigger inside me and eventually killed
it because of my own problems was not like any pain or guilt I'd
ever felt. Everyone looked down on me, i was the messed up slut."
She half giggled but didn't see the humor. "But, everything
happens for a reason right." When she said that, my mind
instantly flashed back to before we fell to sleep the night of
the attack. Everything happens for a reason right? It spun
circles in my head, who knew the answer? She continued. "I got
back to school, did my A levels, got a job and then 8 years later
i had you, and you were the best thing that ever happened to me.
I was ready for you....But even though it had a happy ending, i
don't want you to go through what i went through before you. The
world can be nasty and it can fuck you up." She was looking
straight at me while saying all this but my eyes were away, re
watching everything that had happened lately. "Don't i know it."
I whispered, to myself more than to anyone else. "Don't we all."
My mum answered, just as distant as i.
"Hello? Shibon?" Hiedi had come quicker that i thought she
would've or maybe i just lost track of time, either way she
snapped my mother and I out of our silent reminiscing on the
memories of the tragic events that taken place in our lives. I
was ecstatic to hear her voice.
I heard her take a few slow steps up and then called for me
again, she was still weary of my house as was i due to our
attack. "I'm up here Hiedi, it's okay." She waited for a few
seconds before slowly advancing up my stairs and into my room.
She took one look at me and burst into hysteric tears. She spread
her arms open and held me tight on the bed.
We sobbed together for a while exchanging several 'It's going to
be okay's which we both knew was a lie.
When eventually we were both out of tears, she giggled. "This
stinks." She said while wiping her eyes. I half laughed.
"It's just our luck to be stuck in this situation." I answered.
She looked confused and then chuckled pointing at the floor where
i had been sick. "Yes, but i meant the smell!" We both laughed
again and it was great to finally hear it, even if it wasn't that
true, the sound of our cry was getting boring.
Hiedi smiled. "So, what do you want to do with it?" Our smiles
dropped and i ducked my head. She scooted closer to me, wrapping
her arm over my shoulder. "Your going to get rid of it right?"
She asked? I brushed her off and sat up straighter.
"I don't know Hiedi!" I sounded a little too angry for Hiedi and
it shocked her. She gradually got up. "Oh," She started. "Well,
that's okay, you should sleep on it anyway." Her voice was timid
and quiet. I put my hand to my forehead and took a deep sigh.
"Look, I'm sorry Hiedi...I just, I'm just overwhelmed
with....everything." Hiedi knew what i meant by 'everything', she
didn't need to say any words of wisdom to me, we both knew it
would be useless. "Sleep on it. You must be exhausted, do you
want anything, do you want me to stay tonight?" She narrowed her
eyes and scanned my room. Her voice was weary. If she really
wanted to stay the night, she would stay without asking. She
still feared my room and didn't want to stay. I understood. "No.
I'll be okay, i would be gross listening to me throwing up all
the time. You just go home and I'll text you if i change my mind,
i want to be left alone now anyway to think. Okay?" I did sound
confident in saying this, in control, but i didn't mean a word of
it. I wasn't going to be okay, i did want her here with me but i
wasn't going to change my mind, i wasn't going to put her through
pain from the memory of my room.
"Are you sure?" She asked. Her eyes were glistening and she was
glowing as the sun rays beamed on her through my window. She was
beautiful. I envied her.
"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you Hiedi. I don't know what I'd do without
She leaned forward and kissed my forehead. Her lips sent a flush
of heat through my body. She was everything i needed. I wrapped
my arms around her and we held each other for a few seconds
longer before she pulled away and headed out of the room,
shutting the door behind her.
I was left alone to dream. Strangely, i no longer felt sick or
tied. I felt healthy and confident. I brushed my finger tips over
the spot where she had kissed me, it was still sticky from her
lipgloss. Hiedi was everything to me. The sight of her gave me
happiness, the touch of her gave me strength.
For the rest of the day, i lay silently on my bed, tossing and
turning under my blanket. My mother came in from time to time to
check up on me in which time i closed my eyes and pretended to
sleep as she placed trays of food or a magazine down on the end
of my bed.
I didn't speak a word all day, i just focused of my breathing as
the room got darker and darker casting longer shadows as the day
went by that seemed to reach closer to me, clawing up my bed and
to my shameful, pregnant body although little did i notice it.
The sun had gone down around 9:00 and so did my eyelids. I fell
into a heavy sleep.
We were 7 years old again, that age where everything was
innocent. No racism and no hatred, regrets. The only fear we
shared was the monsters in the closet.
My hair was long and fair, swaying gently as i skipped ahead of
Hiedi who's hair was in a long dark ponytail tied with a bright
purple bow. She was wearing a matching purple dress with white
daisies printed on it and white dolly shoes. I was wearing a
simple light blue vest and a white pleated skirt, my feet were
Hiedi was also skipping but bending down now and then to scoop up
some daisies from the long fresh spring grass that danced in the
light breeze and tickled our ankles.
The spring always fascinated me, how everything had changed since
I'd last saw it. I loved seeing the lambs and hearing the birds
and feeling the warmth, but most of all, i admired the trees, no,
not just any trees, i admired this one tree sitting alone next to
a gentle river surrounded by dragonflies and bees and baby frogs.
It was an Oak tree that Hiedi and I had played with since we were
5 years old. It had infinite branches and fresh crisp leaves that
hid it's secrets that only Hiedi and I had discovered; the
squirrel family. (Yes, a family of squirrels was our biggest
secret back then.)
What i loved about this tree was how it had suddenly sprung back
to life, all fresh and new after we had watched it shed and
become lifeless in it's most deadly days of Winter.
"It's happened again Hiedi!" I said with a high chirpy voice full
of excitement as i picked up speed toward the Oak Tree.
"What's happened again?" Hiedi asked. Her voice was quiet and
peaceful as she played with tangled daisies in her fingers.
Hiedi had never changed. She was still the same child. She was
always calm and gentle, in her own perfect world. She was always
so innocently detracted by pretty things that would always soften
her face and sooth her voice.
"The tree, Hiedi, the tree! Look, it's alive again!" I called
back. I stood underneath it, my eyes of wonder exploring the new
"It always changes,Shi. Every spring." She was staring at the
tree now, just as fascinated as I. She lifted herself up onto one
of the lower branches, resting her back on the vast trunk and she
continued to play with her flowers.
"But HOW? How does it change? We watched it die at Christmas in
the blizzard, remember?"
The memory of the blizzard pained me. It was horrible.
It started in the early days of December. It snowed almost
everyday through December, January and February. Flights were
canceled, roads were blocked and we were all snowed in. At first
it was fun for us, it was a new experience but then it just got
One day when my father was out trying to get to the store to buy
us our supplies, my mother had an epileptic fit and needed
medical attention soon and i was the only one to help her. But of
course, i didn't know what was going on. I was petrified and
couldn't stop screaming as she shook on the ground, gasping for
I ran outside into the bitter gusts of wind in my dressing gown,
waist deep in snow and trudged out of our drive and through a
field that lead to My Auntie Helens' house.
By the time i got to just a few meters away from her drive, i had
collapsed. I could no longer move. Winds of 35 MPH were blowing
ice that felt like needles against my skin. My feet and hands
were numb and tingly and were completely useless for help. I
couldn't scream and i could barely breathe, all i could do was
peak at her house through my lashes, and notice the Living room
light turn on. My life depended on her just glancing out of the
window and noticing a tiny familiar head and desperate eyes in
the distance of the white out. She didn't. I closed my eyes. I
couldn't think. I couldn't hope.
In my head i pictured the Oak tree the last time i saw it in the
mid days of December. I always imagined it being freezing cold
and i felt so sorry for it because it had no leaves that acted as
clothes to warm it. It was all alone being bullied by the
blistering wind and snow under the grey sky, paralyzed to the
spot, helpless and dying.
I felt like that tree as i lay quaking in the snow, meters from
my Aunties house.
Time had passed, i wasn't sure how long, but i knew i didn't have
long left. If it wasn't for the utter pain i was feeling, i would
of thought i was already dead lying the midst of a white cloudy
heaven. But then, my eyes fluttered open as i heard the bark of
Auntie Helens' dog Charlie. I glanced at the window and the dog
was going crazy, looking straight at me and barking for my help.
Next thing i knew, I was being scooped up in a blanket in her
arms that felt like fire against my skin. She kissed my forehead
and at that moment, everything else blurred away.
My mum was fine when i saw her next, except she wouldn't stop
saying sorry to me. I cried when she said that as did she. My dad
never left to go to the store after that either, he sent my Uncle
Jo to get them for us which he did usually, with only the rare
I hated the winter after that.
"But you must know!" I said, now perching myself on the grass
next to Hiedi's swaying legs.
"I don't know why it changes Shibon, it just does. It's a good
thing though, my mom told me that. She said that every tree that
blossoms over the spring represents a strong brilliant person."
"What does she mean by that?" I asked, confused.
"Well, I don't really know." She started. "We were talking about
my Gran, how she got through Cancer and my mum described her as a
blossomed tree in the spring. When i asked her what she meant,
she told me about how trees go from nice and healthy in the
summer, to a little sick in the Autumn to really sick in the
winter, to the point where everything seems to fall apart as they
get closer and and closer to death. Then she said that even
through the darkest and coldest days of the winter, the trees
always hang in there and build themselves back up in the Spring,
ready for a beautiful summer. She said that's what my Gran was
like. She fought through her darkest days and beat her sickness
and then she was strong and healthy again like this tree." Her
voice was flawless as it drifted through my ears and the words
planted in my mind. They were the most inspirational words I'd
ever heard at such a young age. It gave me a strong boost of
confidence for the future, that everything was going to be okay,
all i had to do to be reminded of that was to look at the tree,
strong and beautiful.
I played innocently for a while climbing in and out of the tree,
traveling further and further up the tree until i got to one of
the top branches. I peaked out of the leaves and was left
breathless, gazing out at the spectacular view. I felt like an
angel looking down at the beauties of the world. The crystal
clear river rippling in the breeze, the animals and their pretty
babies trailing them behind and the clear sky and fresh grass
surrounding an elegant little girl, innocently playing with
daisies in her tiny fingers. I felt completely safe and
immaculate, right there in that moment.
I fumbled my way back down the tree and settled down next to
Hiedi. I looked up at her face. It was completely at ease. She
was humming a sweet tune that a bird would sing just as
gracefully. I placed my hand ontop of hers and she turned her
attention to me, smiling, taking my hand in hers.
"You're my best friend, Hiedi." I told her, clearly and easily. I
know children as young as 7 years old don't mean many things they
say because they are too young to know any different, but i meant
this. I truly and utterly meant it with all my heart. I loved
her, i always had, even from such a young age.
She picked up my hand and put it on her lap as she brushed her
fingers through the grass trying to find something lost in it.
She picked up a delicate little bracelet made from daisies.
"Here." She said, tying it around my little wrist.
"What is it?" I asked, admiring the pretty piece of jewelry.
"It's a friendship bracelet i made from the daisies. You've got
one," She started, finishing the final tie around my wrist, then
handing me another one with one hand, the other hand held out
infront of me for me to fix the bracelet on her wrist. "And I've
got one." She said, watching my fumbling fingers tie her
"They're really pretty." I answered, finishing the tie. "Thank
"That's okay." She whispered. "My Gran taught me how to make
them. She told me to only give one to someone I really trust and
love. She said that as long as daisies grow in the place the
bracelet was made, the trust and love will grow forever too."
"Wow." I said, scanning the field and the thousands of daisies
dancing with the grass. I leaned forward and hugged her tightly.
"Hiedi, Shibon!" A distant, sweet voice called. My mother. We
glanced in her direction, she was standing by the gate to the
"Coming!" I called back. We both got up, checking our bracelets
incase they were damaged, and then, hand in hand, skipped back
through the grass.
I opened my eyes. I was 17 again. It was only 10 years ago when i
was that little girl. I didn't believe it.
The room was very dark now with only a little moonlight giving
the room a faint blue tint. I sat up, my hand pressed against my
forehead. I yawned and slid my legs over to the side of my bed,
gripping the floor and then stood up. I swayed a little on my
feet before traipsing over to my dressing table. I slouched down
on the seat and switched on the lamp. The table was messy,
make-up and hair brushes scattered around. I pulled open one of
the draws which held my socks and i rummaged my hand right to the
back of the draw before pulling out a little box.
Once i finally managed to squeeze it out, i placed it on the
table and examined it. It had got a lot dustier since i last saw
it. It was just a simple brown box with an old photo of my young
self stuck onto it and the edges of the photo had curled up on
the sides. I had completely forgotten about this box and the
little things i had hid inside it as a child. I lifted the lid.
As soon as i opened it, the smell of old dust filled my nostrils,
like from a really old book. I loved that smell. Inside i pulled
out 4 photographs. A whole new reality of which i once lived in
flashed back to memory as i flicked through them photos. The one
was of me and my dad when i was around 2 years old. I was on his
hip, tugging at his hair, a wide toothy smile across my face, a
smile that was mostly in my eyes. My dad's eyes were closed and
he was laughing. In the background was a small Christmas tree and
under the tree was an old dog that i don't remember having, who
was tearing up some wrapping paper.
I turned to the next one. I was a little older now, maybe 4 or 5
years old. I was sleeping on the sofa next to my father. We were
both stretched out, arms behind our head and our mouths wide
open, drooling to the right. It was pretty funny.
The next photo was one of me around the same age, posing by my
front gate in my school uniform. My eyes were scrunched up and i
And finally, the last photo was of my mother, lying in a hospital
bed, with my father next to her, his arm wrapped around her
shoulder, and she was cradling in her arms a little baby,
sleeping peacefully in a pink blanket. My mum was crying, but it
was a happy cry, she was smiling as was my father. And you were
the best thing that ever happened to me. Them words that my
mother had said early on after finding out about my pregnancy
came back to mind. I was the best thing that happened to them.
They were ready for me. They wanted me.
I looked down at my stomach and tried to imagine me that happy
holding a baby in my arms on a hospital bed in 9 months time. I
couldn't. I wouldn't be happy. I didn't want it, i wasn't ready
for it and it would be the worst thing to happen to me. I
imagined another teenager in the future, my child, looking back
at the photo of me holding her on that hospital bed. What would
she see? Not a happy mother, but a disappointed one on her own. I
didn't want that.
I put the photos down and took a deep breath before continuing.
Next i pulled out a sports day medal i won in 6th grade and then
pushed aside some other bits and pieces, until i found that
little piece of jewelry made from daisies. Of course it didn't
look the same, it was dead and almost all of the metals had
fallen off but it still made my stomach flip and my heart
flutter. I felt my eyes wheal up and i closed my hand around it.
I made my way to my window and looked out. It was pouring with
rain but I only focused on the one spot in the drive where i once
stood smiling in my school uniform for the first time and where i
ran frightened through the snow and few years later.
I then thought about everything else that had happened the last
few weeks. I threw my scrunched up hands at my face as i wept.
At that moment, i didn't believe that anything could get any
better after everything that had happened, no matter how much i
thought of that tree. I needed to see it to believe it.
I slipped on my dressing gown and put the bracelet into my
pocket. I creaked open my bedroom door and advanced down the
stairs. I opened my front door and my heart jumped as a little
girl with long fair hair in a white dressing gown raced passed
me, turning back to look at me with tears streaming down her
face, pale as death. The rain had turned to snow and she
struggled to get her petite legs through the fought of snow that
would later become almost fatal. She screamed for help and her
body trembled, getting smaller and smaller the further she ran
into the distance. I lunged forward after her but stopped myself
as my mother stepped infront of me from nowhere, camera in her
hands as the snow melted away. She was giggling with the excited
girl before her, posing in all different shapes in a fancy
"Mom?" I choked out. The flash of the camera hurt my eyes and
then 2 little girls, one in a purple dress and the other in a
pleated white skirt and blue vest top chuckled as they skipped
out of the house from behind me, up the drive arm in arm, and in
through a gate and into a field.
I followed after them 2 girls, but when i got to the gate they
had disappeared. I scanned the field but they were no longer
there. "Hiedi, Shibon!" I called, my voice distant and sweet.
Like my mothers.
"Coming!" A little graceful voice called back, a voice i
recognized, my own.
I threw myself onto the gate, it was soaking. I looked up and the
sky was spewing water and it was pitch black. I climbed over the
gate and jumped down into the overgrown grass. The mud was soggy
under my bare feet. A roar of thunder filled my ears as i slipped
in the mud, landing face down. I struggled to get back up but
I continued to stumble forward, fighting against the wind and the
thunder that growled at every step i took. I ignored it. The rain
stung my face as it poured down and it reminded me of how the
snow stung my face just the same all those years ago. I closed my
eyes as i fought my way through, tripping every now and then into
the sloshy mud.
A few minutes later, i saw the tree, but it wasn't the tree i was
expecting to see. Instead, i saw the tree in the school grounds.
The tree Callum hung himself on.
I stopped in my path and my stomach churned. I closed my eyes,
petrified of it, but only re-lived the moment in my memory. I
shot my eyes back open. The tree was still there. Without knowing
why, i advanced forward, closer to it, holding my breath as if it
was going to jump out on me.
I finally reached it. I gawked at it's vast dark trunk and its
huge thick branches. To me, it always resembled a body builder of
some sort. I stood under it's leaves and i was vaguely sheltered
from the rain. My heart was attacking my chest and the acid in my
stomach felt as if it was burning up my throught. I glanced up at
the branch that i once saw Callum's corpse hanging on. I closed
my eyes. "It's not real." I whispered to myself. "None of this is
real." I scrunched my eyes tighter, forcing myself to believe the
lie that was slipping through my lips so easily and confidently.
I had always been a good liar.
I took in a deep breath and peaked open my eyes once again. My
heart had dropped into my stomach and i fell back, screaming as
loud as i could. "NO!" I screamed into the air.
His body was even more dead than before. His skin was no longer a
tanned peach. It was drained and grey and stuck to his nobly
bones that now looked tiny and fragile. His collar bones were
desperately trying to stick out of his skin as were his cheek
bones. But he wasn't dead. His eyes were not empty like they were
last time. No, they were alive. They were dark and cold yes, but
alive and staring at me.
I collapsed onto the floor and tried to scramble myself back onto
my feet. I did, but as soon as i was on my feet again, there he
was, just like before. He grabbed my arms and i shrieked, but
not loud enough for any attention and not long enough for even a
passing glance. He threw my neck back, cutting off my howl for
help. He clasped one hand around my neck and gawged his nails
into it, desperately trying to rip my throught out. I threw my
body into defense mode but i knew it was worthless even against
his rotting corpse. He lifted me off my feet by my neck. I was
choking, all the while he was laughing but his eyes were filled
"Please." I managed to force out.
He grinned and tilted his head to one side, glaring at me before
launching me down onto the ground. My head smacked the earth and
my brain rattled against my skull. My vision blurred but i could
make out his hand coming down on me again. I cringed but he
didn't hit me. Instead he rolled my body onto my stomach and i
fell into the river.
Panic washed over me and i squirmed under his hand but it was
useless. I tried screaming again but he only put his second hand
around my neck and squeezed it tighter. I was drowning. The worst
possible death. I gulped down a load of water and only choked on
more. I gave up. I closed my eyes and tried to let my mind take
me somewhere else. It did, but nowhere i wanted to be. It took me
back again to when i was dying in the snow as a child. It was a
similar feeling to drowning. I felt just as useless and just as
I took one last desperate glimpse of Callum above the water. I
could no longer see his features, his face was darker than the
night around him.
I started to close my eyelids once again, accepting my death, but
then i saw light, a ray of strong, bright, glowing light against
the face above me. I expected to see Callum's face again, but
instead, i saw someone else's, my Aunties. I saw her soft, shiny,
silver hair falling around her face and her bright blue eyes and
The hands around my neck moved to the back of my neck and instead
of holding me down, they pulled me up, the water turning into
snow and then the snow turned into grass as her face turned again
to the face of a different beauty, Tristen's face.
I think i must of fainted at the sight of him or maybe just from
lack of oxygen, but when i opened my eyes next, i was spurting
water from my mouth and i was freezing.
I squeezed my eyes shut, they were stinging. I shot up and he
tapped my back as i choked out more water. My head was pounding
and my whole body was quivering briskly. It reminded me of how my
mother looked when she had her fit so many years ago.
"No! C-c-c-callum. He-he-he's..." I couldn't continue to talk, it
was like my little voice box had suddenly frozen.
"What? It's me. It's okay, your okay, Shibon." He whispered into
my ear. I felt him perch himself next to me and he ripped off his
jacket and threw it over my back before snuggling his arms inside
my dressing gown and holding me against him. His skin was hot
against mine and it sent a different, more appealing shot of
shakes through my body. I hugged him back, tight. I snuggled my
head under his neck and took comfort in his warm breath on my
head. Gradually, i felt myself warming up. His presence somehow,
like before, made me forget everything that just happened.
"What are you doing out here?" His voice was beatific and was
like music to my ears despite the rough trembling. I tried to
speak, to warn him not to help me because Callum was there. I
couldn't, i was too shaken. I snapped back to reality and I
panicked, pushing myself off him and scanning the area.
He swiftly grabbed my waist and pulled me back into his arms,
pushing my head back down under his neck, hiding my eyes. "Hush
now. It's okay, your safe. Just a few more minutes and you'll be
warm enough to walk back home. You shouldn't be out her in this
weather so late at night. What were you thinking?" His voice was
stern but still shivering. I wanted so bad to give him back his
"Th...Th...Then why are y-y-you out here?" I managed to force out
through my chattering teeth. I felt his body suddenly stiffen and
it was several seconds before he answered. I lifted my chin
slightly and looked up at his face. His eyes were narrowed and
his triangle brows were pointing down on the inside and his lips
were a tight straight line.
"I, uh...I was going to the cafe down the road because, uh, i was
on my way home from a night out with the boys and i saw you
stumbling up here so i followed." He was hesitant and at first i
had a hard time believing him, but then he shot his eyes down at
me and both mine and his locked together. I couldn't help but
know he was telling the truth by his eyes, those gorgeous, deep,
brown eyes, shimmering behind the veil of rain that separated us.
Them eyes were not lying.
God, he looked so, damn, sexy!
His hair was dripping with rain and it spread across his face
when he flicked his head to get it out of his eyes. His skin
seemed to be glowing against the grey world surrounding us and
his shirt was drenched, sticking tightly to his figure which
was...Well, for lack of a better word HOT! His muscles were clear
and huge and he looked just like a beach surfer model from a
famous magazine or a famous Number 1 Mens Fashion catalog.
I was holding my breath again i could not break the trance i was
in if it was killing me. Several seconds past before he broke it.
He looked down at the ground, squinting his eyes and he chuckled
one, half grinning, showing off his perfect model-like teeth. I
felt as if i was melting.
He flicked his hair and faced me again, still grinning and it
made me want to throw myself ontop of him. "Im getting a bit
tired of saving you now." His voice was low and husky and i had
to literally force myself back from locking lips with him. He was
staring at me from under his thick, wet lashes and was still
grinning. Usually i would've wondered if he was serious or not
but right then, i didn't care at all. I laughed, maybe a little
too dramatically, but i was so nervous around him. I was still
shaking but not from the temperature anymore, it was because the
butterflies in my stomach were fluttering so much that they were
quaking my whole body.
I couldn't answer, he had stolen my breath once again.
"Come on." He said, winking, his grin still wide and cheeky. He
put his hand on the bottom of my back. I wanted him so bad and he
knew it, oh he definitely knew it all right! "What?" No sound
came out of my mouth and i felt myself go red with embarrassment,
but he knew what i was meant to say. "Well, since if it wasn't
for me having to come and save you for the third time, i would be
nice and warm in a cafe lounge, sipping some hot coffee, watching
the scores on the TV..So, come on. Coffee's on you." He chuckled
again and i joined him, taking his large but gentle hand as he
pulled me to my feet.
We walked together in silence through the shield of rain that
tried to block us. My feet were heavy in the soggy, thick muck
that was up to my ankles. When we reached the gate, Tristen bent
down to adjust a his loose lace and i peered back at the field.
It was fresh and green again with a white blanket of daisies
swaying in the grass as two little girls came skipping toward us
hand in hand. They smiled at me as they got closer and then they
stopped next to me. For a few seconds, she simply studied me in
fascination before taking my open hand in hers and placing in a
tiny, delicate, fresh daisy bracelet. She closed my hand and held
it for just a second longer before letting go and skipping back.
I watched them disappear and fade into the distance and once they
were gone, i opened up my hand and saw the little dead daisy
bracelet that i took from my box at home, tangled in my palm. It
was beautiful. I slipped it back into my pocket as the sky
darkened again and the rain gushed down. "What?" Tristen asked
curiously. I was unaware he had been looking at me. Did he see
the girls too or was it just my imagination? "Nothing," I said,
smiling to myself, "Let's go."
"I'm telling you, Tristen, Callum WAS there! Why don't you
believe me?" The cafe was called 'A whole latte love'. It was a
fairly decent cafe in all fairness although i had seen better. I
had never been in there before, it was pretty neglected by the
town and hidden by the many fields. I was surprised how close it
was to my house and for the whole 17 and a half years of my life
i had no knowledge of it, yet a boy who had just turned up out of
nowhere was one of it's best customers.
Inside it was like any traditional, quiet cafe but a little more
unhygienic. It had beige leather circular seats surrounding a
little red coffee table and there was around 6 or 7 of them and
they all had several brown coffee stains patterned on the seats
and childish graffiti on the tables. There was also a fairly
large counter with 3 or 4 beige leather stools to the front and a
pretty waitress with a red pixie style haircut to the back. Soft
elevator type music was playing quietly from a hidden speaker and
Tristen, Myself and one rather drunk old man were the only
customers. It was a dreary place all together with plain white
walls with a large picture of a red coffee mug hanging on the
wall behind me, but i preferred being there than back at home.
Tristen took a sip from his Double Caramel Coffee with cream and
wiped his mouth before answering. His face was completely
expressionless. "Shibon, Callum is dead." His voice was blank and
with no tone or emotion.
"NO! No, no, no. He is not dead." I hissed at him, slamming my
palm on the table causing our drinks to tip a little. Tristen
took a deep sigh, shaking his head and then put his hand to his
temple, resting his elbow on the table. "Just tell me why you
don't believe me Tristen, i mean, i SAW him, he was killing me, i
wasn't imagining it!" My voice was sharper than i intended it to
be. Tristen looked up at me and put his free hand on his coffee
mug. "You also say you saw other things, like you and Hiedi as
children. Obviously you imagined that, so why not Callum?" His
eyes were narrowed, searching mine which were extremely confused
but determined. I considered that for a moment, taking my turn in
sipping my Coffee which had now gone quite cold. "Well, how do
you explain me almost drowning?" My voice was shaky when i said
that. He moaned quickly and sat up straighter.
"I told you, when you saw me and then violently attacked me
before running off, you tripped and hit your head knocking
yourself out and landing in the water." Was i crazy? Did i really
just imagine it? I thought about this. I crossed my arms on the
table and buried my head in my arms. "What's happening to me,
Tristen, why am i seeing all of this? It was so real." My voice
was hardly audible but he leaned forward and stroked my hair
before lifting my chin. "Shibon, it's just shock from everything
that has happened. It's all happened so quickly that your head
hasn't had time to accept it all."
"Is that just you calling me crazy in a nice way?" Tristen
"No, it's completely normal, it's just a stage, you'll get over
it." He smiled and sat back in his seat, gulping down his drink.
"How?" I asked.
"How do i get over it? I don't know what to do." There was a
small tear in my eye and i wiped it away quickly, clearing my
"Just distract yourself. Get busy." His eyes were wise and he
sounded like he had said this so many times before.
"Like how?" I asked again, sitting up.
"I don't know. What do you like to do? Swimming?"
"Not after today, that's not going to happen." I almost shouted.
His eyes widened and then he chuckled.
"Oh yeah. Well what about art?" He started. He suddenly sat up
straighter and widened his eyes even more. " Yes, art would be
really good! You'd be focused on seeing what you want to see, it
would be the best solution i think." He sounded so proud. I was
good at art and i did enjoy it. "You could join an art class
somewhere, like at the Community Center or something." He
"I guess." I smiled, i understood where he was coming from.
"Also, your probably too tired, you've had hardly any sleep.
Seeing things is a common symptom of exhaustion." He was serious
but for some reason i laughed. "Yeah, your probably right." We
smiled at each other and finished our coffee's silently.
"Come on then. It's nearly 3AM, you better get home." He sat up
and placed some money on the table before tapping my shoulder.
"Yeah okay." I agreed and stood up.
The walk home was silent but it wasn't bad. I actually felt quite
positive. What was it about him that made me so giddy.
When we arrived at my door step i turned around and faced him.
"Thanks." I said, smiling. "For everything. I don't thing I've
properly thanked you for anything." I felt really guilty when i
realized that i really hadn't apologized for his saving me either
of the 3 times.
"Don't mention it kiddo." He smiled and leaned forward kissing my
Heat flushed through me like jumping into lava. I flinched back
and felt myself blush. I was shocked. Tristen, widened his eyes
and then stepped back. "Sorry." He mumbled.
"It's really fine." I said, a little too chirpy and quick. He
chuckled and twitched his hand as if he was going to move it but
stopped. He took several breaths before he finally said goodbye.
I waved him off and even though i expected a totally cheesy
make-out session, i was still over the moon with the night.
"See you around." He called back from the top of the drive.
"Maybe when your hanging off a cliff or getting eaten my bear."
He joked. I smiled, opened my door and stepped inside, watching
him leave my vision before i closed it and went back to bed
picturing all sorts of mushy love scenes about us in my head.