Once upon a time there lived a very fat man. He was so fat and
round that he was able to roll places instead of walking. One day
as he was rolling to the shop he bumped into a fat woman rolling
in the opposite direction. They fell madly in love and had many
fat babies who rolled all over the place.
Rolling became very cool and everyone wanted to do it as it
removed the need for expensive transport. Anyone could roll if
they were fat enough and had a tyre suit. And so a craze began.
People from all over the world dedicated their lives to becoming
fat rollers. Food was eaten like never before. The fattier the
food the better. Chips, fizzy drinks, cream buns, pizza, burgers,
chocolate ,double cream and pounds and pounds of butter were
shovelled into yawning mouths every minute of every day for years
and years and years.
The fatter u were the more beautiful and successful u became. The
richest people were the fattest because they could afford to eat
more and had more time off in which to do it. People's features
disappeared into their fat faces and everybody started to look
the same. Clothes became more and more of a nuisance and were
essentially done away with .people began to just wear dresses
Wearing nappies became law for everyone following the faecal
pandemic. You see people became more and more serious about
eating. Manners became a thing of the past. To save time for
eating people pissed and shit wherever and whenever they wanted.
Germs spread like wildfire. Disease was rampant for months and
millions of people lost weight through diarrhoea and vomiting. It
was a horrible time for rollers.
Crisis government meetings were held and open shitting was
outlawed and nappies were introduced. The military cleaned the
shit up very slowly so they wouldn't burn many calories. The
vomit was piled up and mixed with lorry loads of sugar then sent
to poorer nations to help with their rolling programmes. Nothing
was as important as eating and rolling.
Whole grain foods were no longer produced as they were so
inefficient for weight gain . Addicts sold and bought muesli and
rye bread in the black market risking the death penalty in doing
so. They hid their addiction by smothering the foods in duck
grease to make sure they still gained weight.
People were weighed twice every day once in the morning and once
in the evening. Those who didn't weigh more in the evening were
beaten in public areas. All sport died except for sumo wrestling,
darts and of course rolling.
The planet grew very tired from all this extra weight. Billions
of obese humans rolled on her day and night. It became so severe
that one day the earth reversed the force of gravity. She had had
enough. With no warning she released the most amazing sonic
tremor and every loose thing on the planet was sent hurtling into
The fat rollers couldn't believe their eyes. They grappled for
food as they flew into the unknown. The fattest people flew
fastest whooshing past poorer rollers 1000s of kilometres per
hour. Their faces were a blur of saliva and fear.
Many people were drowning as all the earth's water was flung into
the air creating an unusual sky of sea. Great blue whales swam
nervously between trucks and herds of buffalo. God appeared from
an invisible door in the sky and screamed as he was pelted by
thousands of star fish and a big fat Japanese teenager. He
quickly closed the door again having peeled the Japanese
teenager from his jaw and firing him back in the direction of the
Birds were defying the gravitational pull and headed back down
to the earth's surface dodging lethal missiles of all shapes and
sizes. However when they reached the ground the place was so
empty that they started to die rapidly from the loneliness.
Many people too remained on the earth but most were killed by the
force from which they hit the ceilings of their schools and
houses and apartments when mother earth broke down. Some of the
really fat people broke right through their ceilings and roofs of
their homes such was the force of the impact.
Cinema ceilings were jammed with bloodied corpses and the odd
survivor dying slowly from loneliness . Once trapped survivors
realised as best they could the scale of death and loss they
became gripped by sadness. They would call out and cry. But
because it was so lonely the cries were a thousand times louder
than normal and they echoed up to and long after the person
Blood filled the bottom of the sky as it was sucked out of every
crack of every roof and chimney that had squashed some person or
creature to death. It streamed like a shower head directly up
into the air making the earth look like a giant red sea urchin.
Manned helicopters and planes struggled to dodge debris before
all the windows would eventually smash from the passengers'
lonely screams. Nobody survived the screams. Passengers' eardrums
burst so violently it sounded like gunfire . It killed them
instantly which came as welcome relief from the pain of