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Lockheart chp. 1 outline (critique needed)

Miscellaneous By: Misaki Kindword
Fantasy



Shin, an elf, is on an adventure to find the shattered pieces of the Jewel of Lockheart to restore his long lost elven kingdom. For 600 years, he has been wandering the massive continent in solitude, with a strong fear and disgust toward the small-eared beings (humans.) One day, a human boy Jet discovers his identity and tries to prove himself as trustworthy. Shin's course of adventure now takes a major shift, as now he is introduced to more people. Can he learn to overcome his negative feelings and trust them? Will he ever be able to restore his kingdom?


Submitted:Oct 26, 2012    Reads: 6    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   


this is an outline before I go in depth, just so it's easier to fix the errors while it's small. When I get everything good, I can then make it a smooth readable chapter. bear with me '^_^

-chapter 1
There was a time when a very prosperous and merry kingdom called Iseldon existed. The "people" of the kingdom (beings with violet eyes with catlike pupils and large pointy ears, commonly referred to as elves) lived in peace and many would describe their life like they are in a heaven.


One particular family was the monarchy. There was the king, queen and their son Shin. The queen often played the harp and sung a tune, which Shin enjoyed very much. They loved the people and the people loved them. They lived happily for a while.


As time passed, word of the prosperity of the kingdom had become well known to other civilizations. During a time of recession and famine for most all the other civilizations, a huge mass of these people came to invade Iseldon for the resources and riches there. These people were barbaric; overcome with greed, they had no mercy in slaughtering civilians and pillaging for gold, jewels and food. Elves were precise in combat but there was no possible way to defeat all the barbarians because they were far outnumbered by 10,000 to a million (even if there were 10,000 elves, most of them were civilians.)


The king and queen saw that there was nothing that could be done, save for one option; to use the Jewel of Lockheart. The Jewel would collect the souls of the elves of the kingdom before they got killed. However, when the souls are collected, the jewel shatters into a hundred pieces and scatters throughout the lands. One person must bring all the fragments back together to bring the souls back again. The souls would be frozen in time and be brought back in the same state as when they were absorbed.This was only practical for elves because they could live several lifetimes of a human. One might say that makes elves superior beings but having long life itself poses other problems. Plus, humans have their own type of treasure that suits them.


What if somebody destroyed a fragment of this Jewel? It cannot be destroyed by a human. They don't have the right. Nor does anything else save the elves.
Time was running out. The queen and king harnessed the powers of the Jewel, and souls were flying into the gem. Who were they to entrust this mission to? They had a young son, Prince Shin. Shin was told of his quest by his parents. "Why me?! Why not you or your right hand man? I'm just a kid, I can't do this, I'm not as strong as you or the guards. This is nonsense!!"


"You won't understand now because you're just a 12 year old child. There will come a time when you will understand on your own."
Bodies of the king and queen began to fade. Shin was choking in tears as he knew he would never see his family or close friends for a really long time.
"Shin, I know you can bring us back one day. Remember, you are a Prince!"
"My little sweet boy, run for your life. Live, and never give up, so we can be together again. Always know that I love you very much."
"Mother, Father, don't go!!" Shin has them embraced within his arm span but they dematerialize and he stumbles to the ground. He picks up a fragment of the glimmering crystal and holds it tightly in his fist.
Barbarians are now standing at the doorway. Adrenaline rushes through Shin's veins. His pupils dilate and muscles become tense. He grabs his mother's little harp runs for his life, not looking back. When he trips, he gets back up and keeps going and going and going. "I must live. But why me?"





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