Chapter Five- Remember
Right now I find myself staring deeply into Grey's face trying too read the emotions on it; anxiousness, confusion, patience and a bit of anger. His face is illuminated by the glow of the silver walls, making his face look slightly hazy. As if I had iin fact dreamed up this perfect boy who I am so afraid of losing.
"Grey, I can't, I just can't." I say.
"Can't what?" He asks hoping that I will change my mind on this.
"This. Exactly this Grey." My voice is beginning to crack
"Why not?" He makes it sound like our getting together is the best possible course of action
"Well what happens if we break up? Each day we would have to face each other with the memories of what we had and resent each other our whole lives. It would never be the same between us. We wouldn't be able to stay together anymore if those memories played on us all the time." This is breaking my heart just to have to say no to Grey.
"I get it. It's Finch isn't it? It was always Finch with you!"What? Has he gone truly mental? I think. He has his teeth almost bared at me so he looks like some mad dog that is about to bite me. I think I would prefer that at the moment.
"Grey that's not it! Finch and me are just friends! I do love you Grey! That's why I can't do this." I feel tears spilling out of my eyes and try to staunch the flow to make myself look tougher then I really am.
"You sure you and Finch are just friends? Nothing else going on there?" Grey iis snapping these words out at me and each one hurts more then the last.
"Grey what is wrong with you? You know it's not like that between me and Finch." I am almost pleaing with him now.
"Really? Because now I feel like I don't know anything about you! I thought you knew how I felt. Or at least guessed." Grey is proceeding towards me and, for once, I don't like how close we are.
"I thought that you were so much more then what you really are but it seems your just like everyone else left on this world. Backstabbing and uncaring of anyone but yourself!" Grey throws these words at me like knives.
"I thought you were different to!" I scream at him and turn from him and run. Unfortunatly I had forgotten that I was in a cave some distance from the ground and find I have put one foot out in the open air and feel the rest of me follow it. I somehow manage to flip myself in mid-air and land on my back. I lie on the ground winded for a few minutes and realise this is just how I am feeling emotionally as well. Grey's declaration of love and then his attack of accusations have taken my breath away, leaving me struggling for air. I can almost feel Grey looking down at me now. Concerned but already trying to put me out of his mind. Locking me in a dark recess of his mind so he won't have to face me again. I get up and run. Away from Grey, away from tonight, away from everything. I don't want to face it anymore. I feel the wind whip past my face and love the feeling of the cold air on my hot, flushed face. I run past a group of hunting hyena's which have their heads turned and are looking at me, as if they know I killed another hyena earlier. Probably the only time they'll ever care about each other. I stop on the top of the sandy hilltop to catch my breath and hear the faint fall of footsteps behind me.
"Go away Grey I don't want to hear it anymore!" I scream out.
"Who's Grey?" The voice that spoke is deep and leering voice which, although it's tone was scary, ran as smooth as velvet. I gasp at the sound of an unfamiliar voice and suddenly an image flickers through my head. A forgotten memory. A young boy smiling down at me who has pale skin, brilliant dark blue eyes and jet black hair. Accompanied with this image is a strange feeling of safety. My head is pounding as I am pulled back into the real world. I whip around and try to find the person who is following me, but he is gone.
"Wait, come back!" I scream at the wind. "Who are you?" I whisper to myself. I turn around and try to find my way back to camp, but I have been so disorientated by my overwhelming emotions that this seems impossible. I try to follow my footprints but find that at one point I have somehow ran in a huge circle than jerked off in various directions just to continue in the circle again. I cannot get my brain to work out where my starting point was so I find myself walking in the direction off the moon. The moon. The very thing that Grey had said I was more beautiful then, just earlier tonight. Before I know what I am doing, I find myself turning away from the moon, from any memory of Grey. I cannot handle that right now. I walk in one straight line for what feels like hours, only changing direction when something's in my way, keeping my back to the moon as much as possible. It's getting darker and darker and eventually I have to sit down and lean agaist the hard rock surface of a wall, and feel my eyes flutter shut and let unconsciousness take over.
In my dream I am running with a boy who I guess is around eleven.He looks exactly like the boy who came into my head earlier. I am younger to, about ten or even nine. I laugh madly as the boy pulls me along as he runs. We are running through rows of huts, that look like they are made out of mud, to a little patch of grass. It seems to take forever to get there but when we do we lie flat on our backs, side by side with the sun beating down on us.
"I can't believe what your dad did to you." Says the boy, turning to look at me.
"I don't mind." I reply.
"It's wrong. Isn't it like dangerous or something?" He asks
"I dunno." I say.
"Well won't people come after you?" He asks.
"I don't know. Evil people with twisted minds. I think that you need someone to protect you."
"I've got the whole tribe protecting me." I answer him.
"That's not good enough. You need a personal bodyguard. Hey, how about me?" He's so sweet and stupid.
"Ok then. From now on you are my personal bodyguard."
"Great! I won't ever let anyone hurt you." He says this so sincerly as if he has already made an unbreakable vow in his head. Suddenly my dream changes and I am standing in the glowing cave except this time the cave has no ceiling and I can see the brilliant moon which is the same colour as the glowing walls. I am all alone in the cave. Suddenly I hear Grey's voice behind me.
"I feel like I don't know anything about you." He is saying. I turn around, expecting to have an argument started with Grey but when I turn around I see a stranger behind me. He is tall with tanned skin, midnight blue eyes and jet black hair. Suddenly the boy from my dream before this appears next to him and I hear the words "I won't let anyone hurt you." Get tossed around the cave, bouncing back to me off of the walls. It is impossible to figure out who said it. Suddenly I hear my name like a whisper on the wind.
"Gilia, Gilia wake up." I feel myself being shaken out of the dream but before I wake up, I catch some words come out of the tall strangers mouth.
"You have to remember Gilia." He is saying. Then I am pulled out of my dream like a drowning person out of icy water.
I wake up gasping and open my eyes just to have the sun blind me.
"Gilia, are you okay?" I look up and see Finch staring down at me, his eyes full of concern. Weird.
"Where's Grey?" I ask Finch.
"He came back to camp last night. Asked where you were. Grey said that if I wanted to find you I may go alone. What happened last night with you and Grey?" He asks. Yes, what did happen last night? I think to myself.
"Your guess is better then mine. I honestly don't know what goes through Greys head and you probably have a better idea then me." I say.
"Gilia, what happened?" Finch is almost pleading so I tell him.
"Grey told me he loved me then we had a fight."
"Oh that's bad. And I've got a feeling that I'm missing loads of details."
"You are. And yeah it's pretty bad." Couldn't be worse, I think but I don't say this out loud because I'm probably wrong.