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A Vampire's Nightmare

Novel By: Avril360
Fantasy


Tags: awkward

New girl having trouble fitting in, new town, new friends. She finds a new guy she likes and just can't resist. she dreams about him all the time. She figures out he is a........ View table of contents...

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5

Submitted: Feb 28, 2008    Reads: 163    Comments: 8    Likes: 4   


I was walking home, practically stomping. I had a hard day at school, my teachers already hate me on my first day at a new school, nobody is friendly, and everybody thinks I'm weird. I can't help but think to myself: Why did my mom make me move to Loserville. Why do people think I'm weird and why does everyone at Loserville High hate me. Ok so the name of the town isn't loserville it's Boise, it's in Idaho. I call it Ida-whoe. You get my point. Just becuase i dress in pretty much all black and everybody calls me a goth girl. My mom is so going to get it from making me move here. Already in the first six hours of school I got in a fight. I can't tell you with who but........ Any way as I was walking home it started to snow. Which I should have seen coming since it's in the middle of December. Then somebody drove by in a car and shouted out the window "Hey goth girl. You don't have a black car to match!"


I ran the rest of the way home and that took about half the time it would. It took about 5 minutes. I shoved open the door, slammed it shut, threw my backpack on the ground and stomped into my room. My mom called in from the kitchen "How was your first day at Boise High!" "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed back. I cried myself to sleep at 5:00 pm. Surprisingly I woke back up at 6:00 in the morning. I got dressed went to eat breakfast and started to walk to school. I walked in the main doors at about 7:00am I saw this guy. Beautiful skin tone, the hair I've always dreamed of having and the coolest wardrobe. He was medium tan, he had a light brown hair and was dressed in black jeans with an I hate teachers shirt on. He was at his locker, so I walked up to him, and as I was about to talk to him he, shut his locker door, and started to walk away.

The bell rang for first period to start. This girl who sits in front of me during first period turned around and started talking to me while I was sitting in my assigned seat and said "I saw you checking out Damon before school. And I can't believe how you were looking at him. Hi, I'm Aly, I heard you are new. I thought I could show you around and be your first official friend here. So, what is your name?" she asked me. "Amber Dudley" I answered "pleased to meet you too. So who is this boy Damon your talking about," I said curiously. "Damon is the guy with the medium tan, and the light brown hair you were looking at this morning," answered Aly. The bell rang before she could say any thing else. "Ms. Dudley, Ms. Castel if your done with your pep talk chat we can begin class," said our English teacher, Mrs. Clover. Everyone laughed at what Mrs. Clover said. "Don't look now but Damon Curtis is being transferred into our English class," said Aly as Damon walked on the room. "Ah Mr. Curtis i knew you woulde be joining us this morning. Ms. Dudley and everyone in back of her please move back one seat, and Mr. Curtis please take a seat between Ms. Dudley and Ms. Castel. "Ok," he said. And sat down in front of me. "What the Fuck," I whispered to myself. "Excuse me" Damon turned around and said.


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Comments:

The structure needs some work, and it feels a bit rushed, good though. Keep it up.

Posted: Feb 28, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks. That was just the beginning i'm going the explain everything in the next chapter.

It was pretty good Allison, I can see what story line you're going for. It sounds interesting. But everything seems jumbled up, and there's not much of a story in there. Slow it down and explain things. Describe her feelings more and what she did when she went up to her room. Also, when a new person speaks or does an action, you're supposed to indent:) And boo you! You took my name! Damon is the name of the boy in my novel Behind These Bars, haha. So just remember what I told you and you'll get a fabulous story!
XxxxxBrokenxxxxX

Posted: Feb 28, 2008

Author Comment:

How was i supposed to know that you used Damon. I haven't read your stories yet. I just thought of Damon from the Vampire Diaries. well thanks for the comment!

Hay thats a cool start i agree with broken its a bit rushed and jumbled but still its a good beggining

Posted: Apr 7, 2008

Author Comment:

thanx!!! i'm working on the second chapter!!! that was just the prologe!!!! the second going to go slower and explain!!!!

I live in Loserville Ida-whoe.

Posted: Apr 10, 2008

Author Comment:

what about it

hm yes. broken provided you great feedback. slow down and start a new paragraph for each speaker. its interesting so far. keep writing. ^^ oh and i thought the way you ended this chapter was rather humorous. it made me laugh.

Posted: Apr 12, 2008

Author Comment:

thanxx for the comment!!! especially the last part!!!!

i agree with the above comments. once again, i feel rushed. however, i feel less rushed than last time which is good! [: I like the concept of this but still, the formatting as Alice is saying. Update me when you get more written, i would love to read more [:

Posted: May 7, 2008

Author Comment:

ok.. i'll let you know when i update...

It's good. Please tell me when you update it!

Posted: May 31, 2008

Author Comment:

ok i will definetly keep you posted

Iwish to read more about ir...

Posted: Oct 28, 2008

Author Comment:

there isn't much more to read about her



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